Thursday, February 25, 2010

A sex toy for men?


A bit of an off topic post today, having not much to do with D/s, but rather the somewhat simpler topic of sex.

I have often heard women say that while a vibrator will never replace a man, a man will never replace a vibrator. This has always made perfect sense to me. Vibrators are very good at... well... vibrating, yes? They can apply a rather unique sensation to a particular location for as long as the woman would like. In fact, the female can control the entire experience from start to finish. Sex with a man, and in particular a dominant man (assuming she is submissive in nature), is a rather different experience, and brings a wide range of variables that she will not be able to control in the slightest (nor does she wish to).

Which is why I never object, and in fact rather approve of, my girl enjoying her Wand more or less whenever she wishes. There is no threat here, only an addition to the overall sexuality of my girl.

But what about men? Is there a comparable sexual device for a man, to enhance his overall pleasure?

Up until yesterday I would have answered "no". I have had plenty of experience in putting my cock down throats, cunts, asses, as well as the palm of my hand (and numerous other things too deviant to mention). Frankly, in terms of the actual physical sensations they are not all that different. Some are tighter, some wetter, some pulse, some squeeze, but at then end of the day, they are all about the same. What makes them different was the mental and emotional states, the exercise of power and control, the use of sadistic techniques, or perhaps simply the quality of the porn I was watching.

IAE - yesterday I received a gift in the mail from a woman I mentored last year. She is a very creative girl, with a healthy imagination, and a fine talent for finding both the unusual and deviant. What she sent me was a sex toy made in Japan called a Tenga Flip Hole Black.

It looks like nothing I have ever imagined a male sex toy would look like. The interior is downright scary looking, like something HR Giger (the guy who designed the sets for Alien among other things) might have designed. I mean, I couldn't even imagine how the thing would work. And it doesn't even use batteries.

Well, I just had to check it out. The instructions weren't that hard to follow. So, I put on a DVD of some of my fav porn (Fashionistas) and started into a bit of personal gratification with my Tenga.

All I can say is that.. I have never experienced sensations in my cock like those this device was able to offer up. Sure, I must have looked like a guy having his cock eaten by a flashlight, but no one was looking, and frankly I didn't really care. I mean this thing can suck like nothing else, and apply pressures in ways and means that defy description.

Not only that, but it is so stylish looking (those Japanese really believe in making good looking toys!) that I may end up using it as a paperweight on my desk. I mean, no one will ever figure out what the thing is.

Will it replace a pussy? Not a chance. Will it replace a fine, well-trained, submissive masochist? Impossible. Does it mean I wish to give up the joys and pleasures of owning a slave and pet? I do not.

But, I must now admit that neither pussy, masochist, slave nor pet are likely to replace my Tenga.

So guys, now we have our own vibrator. Balance has been restored.

Be seeing you,

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

An early morning quickie

So, yesterday morning I got into bed with my girl (we sleep in different beds and bedrooms). While I had not started aroused, I found after a few minutes that I had a desire to use her for my pleasure. This is not such an unusual thing since even after all our years together I still find her a sexy and desirable slut.

So I put her on her belly and had my way with her. From start to finish I don't think it took more than two minutes, and perhaps less than that.

Later on in the morning, as we sat at the breakfast table, I told her that many women would have objected to such quick and rude treatment. After all, one is suppose to be sensitive to needs of one's partner, yes?

She replied that as a submissive, and slave, it was her pleasure to be available to me in any way I wished, and in fact she had been well satisfied to be used by me.

And people wonder about the value of D/s relationships? Ha!

It is good to have a submissive (or two) around the house.

Be seeing you

More on the value of mentoring and training

Greetings all,

My previous post generated some comments by Vesta. The following is an extract from one of them:

As an older woman I know how to deal with these emotions and responses now, but as a younger girl, I did not. If the mentoring/training allows a girl to come to terms with that response whereby she neither hides it nor is concerned by expressing it, that's a good thing.

This raises some interesting questions.

First, while I think that the old adage about age bringing maturity is generally correct, does it therefore follow that younger women will have more difficulty coming to terms with their emotions and responses to being provoked than an older woman? My experiences would suggest that this is not the case at all. Rather, a woman's ability to handle her reactions to be provoked seems to be based on her previous experiences with D/s, as well as her previous life experiences.

For example, if a submissive female has suffered through abusive relationships in her past she will probably be challenged to come to terms with her submissive nature, regardless of her age. Also, social upbringing (and conditioning) seems to play an important role in how easily a female can accept her nature (and the same seems to be true for dominant males). IOW - age seems to have little to do with the level of difficulty a female will experience in admitting that she is submissive and accepting the implications of this acceptance.

I think the question of age comes more into play when a woman is trying to differentiate between the emotion of love, a desire for kinky playing and the nature of submission. It is very easy to get the two confused. Many times I have seen young woman label themselves as submissive, when what they are really after is to bottom in a scene. Other times I have seen women speak of the gift of their submission to a particular fellow, when what they are really saying is that they are in love.

For the more mature woman, coming to terms with their submission presents a different set of challenges, many of which revolve in having their entire world view turned up side down ("everything I thought I knew was right, turns out to be wrong"). They may fight their nature at every turn. These are women who have experienced love, and who have experienced all manner of sexual playing, and so are aware that their feelings of submission fit into neither category. But this does not make accepting it any easier.

Therefore it seems to me that women both young and old can benefit from mentoring and/or training, but the nature of this training will be quite a bit different. In both cases the objectives are the same, to come to terms with their nature, but how this is achieved will probably follow some rather different paths.

Be seeing you

Monday, February 22, 2010

The benefits of third party mentoring/training

Greetings all,

Over on FetLife some asked the question as to why a "Master" would send his slave to be mentored or trained by another. The general consensus seemed to be that no "real" Master would do such a thing and it would be a sign of laziness or incompetence on his part.

Here was my reply.


Your question lacks precision. Terms such as "mentoring" and "training" are open to a great deal of interpretation and therefore the responses you have received have been filtered through the history and perception of each individual.

Therefore, although I have mentored and trained a few girls myself, and could certainly give you opinions based on my own experiences I will take a somewhat more general approach in my reply.

The basic question is, why would the Master of a female send her to another for any aspects of her development or enhancement? And, if he does, would this imply incompetence or laziness on his part, as some of the responders have implied?

There are many examples which might suggest that quite the opposite is true, which is to say that it is a sign of a responsible and committed Master to give his girl to another for some purpose. For example, say I own a horse. While I wish to ride it, I might wish another to train it. Or, perhaps I own a car which I like to race, but I am not a mechanic. I therefore find a specialist who can make my car the well-tuned machine I wish to drive. Or perhaps I am a musician whose instrument requires some fine tuning, rather than do the work myself I again take it to a specialist. I play it, and care for it, and part of that care is knowing when it requires the hands of another for things I cannot do myself.

Now, when it comes to the ownership of a slave, there are many occasions when I might feel "too close" to the girl to perform that special fine tuning. Or perhaps, in the same way that some young ladies are sent to fine finishing schools to round out their education, I recognize that I do not have the full set of skills required. Or, I appreciate that certain aspects of a girl's development may be too challenging for me because I love my girl too much. Regardless, imo it is a sign of wisdom and maturity when a Master realizes that others might be able to help in the development of his property.

Call the help "training" or "mentoring", it really doesn't matter.

Finally, I believe that when a girl is given to another for some aspects of her development it makes her acutely aware that she is property, rather than a partner. This is a good thing for a slave to learn.


Be seeing you,

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I re-visit an old movie


Hollywood has rarely been kind to the BDSM lifestyle. Either it is portrayed in a comic manner, normally as a farce, or it is pornographic. Some of the later category have not been badly done. Fashionistas starring Bella Donna and Rocco comes to mind. Still while the viewer may find plenty of material to stimulate, there is not much there to educate. IOW - if someone, and by this I mean a vanilla someone, was trying to get a better understanding of how the power dynamic works, they will be disappointed.

Some movies have tried to approach the topic is a somewhat more dramatic approach. The classic 9 1/2 Weeks come to mind, as does the rather less well known Pet. While I enjoyed elements of both these movies, and others, too often they end in tragedy. The underlying message always seems to be that if you are going to follow the path to perversion then you are doomed to suffer. Hollywood (which is to say the vanilla world in general) refuses to consider that the pairing of a sadist and a masochist can have a happy ending.

A number of years ago I had the opportunity to see a movie called Secretary, starring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Some of you may know Spader from his award winning role in Boston Legal (a show I recommend to all). Curiously, the character he plays in Secretary seems to have been the seminal model for the character of Allen Shore he played one year later in Boston Legal.

IAE - last night I had the opportunity to watch the movie again, and I must admit I was even more impressed than the first time I watched it. I do not wish to give the plot away for those who have not seen it but the story revolves around a Dominant-sadist and a Submissive-masochist, finding each other and coming to terms with their own nature. The subject matter is handled with a rare amount of maturity, sensitivity, and imo a real desire to communicate to the vanilla world a little bit about what makes Dominants and Submmissives tick.

After watching the movie one of my girls (who was seeing it for the first time) went out and did a fair amount of research as to the different reviews by various critics. While it received high praise as a movie, most of the time it was fairly obvious that the reviewers didn't really understand what the movie was about. IOW - they liked the way the story was told, but didn't get the message, and in some cases chose to completely misinterpret what it was about.

Curiously, the thing that most of the reviewers objected to was the fact that the movie has a happy ending. It seemed to bother them that "perverts" were allowed to be happy.

IAE - I certainly recommend getting a hold of a copy of the movie if you can. Its available as a torrent download, or I am sure you can find copies of the DVD around. I would be most interested in other people's impressions.

Speaking of movies, I am anxiously awaiting the release of the recent documentary called Graphic Sexual Torture, about the famous (or infamous) Insex web site, and its creator pd. It has been getting rave reviews on the film festival circuit. Anyone seen it yet?

Be seeing you,

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Is a masochist a painslut?


I saw this question asked on a forum a while back and thought it was quite interesting.

At first the two terms seem almost synonymous, one being a more technical (medical?) way while the other is much more in the common vernacular. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was highly possible for someone to be a masochist, and not be a painslut.

According to the DSM-IV sexual masochism can be defined as:

The disorder is characterized by either intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors in which the individual is humiliated, beaten, bound, or made to suffer in some way.

While I don't always agree with the DSM, this appears to be a pretty good definition, with the one exception being that I don't consider it to be a "disorder" in and of itself. Leaving that aside, I think the key word here is "suffer". IOW - regardless if the source of discomfort is from a physical beating, confinement, humiliation, etc, it always ends up with the masochist becoming aroused through some level of suffering.

But what if there is no suffering?

For example, I enjoy spanking my girl. I like to spank her for a long time, in particular when she is bound. I am not gentle about it either. Yet, I rarely hear her cry out in an expression of pain. Rather she seems to become somewhat more quiet with the occasional moan of pleasure. Often she will achieve orgasm. When I ask her about the pain she is always confused. She says she feels no pain, only pleasure. Now I have spanked other girls in much the same way, and many of them have told me how painful it was.

Now, since my girl is obviously not suffering then I suppose she could not be classified as a masochist. Yet, since she clearly becomes aroused by the application of a stimulus that many others would find painful, perhaps another term is required... painslut maybe?

At the end of the day what I have learned is that different girls have different tolerances for stimulation. Pleasure to one will be pain to another. This makes sense to me. OTOH - some girls really do enjoy feeling pain, the sharp bite of the whip, the hot flash of dripping wax, and the close confinement of bondage.

As a sadist I can take pleasure from both sorts of girls, be they masochists, painsluts, or any other label you want to give them.

Diversity is fun.

Be seeing you,

The all purpose "please"


The BDSM community has a real thing about words and labels. I have written on this in the past. There is certainly a lack of consensus about words such as "Master" "slave" "Dominant" "Submissive", etc. Even basic concepts such as punishment, slavery, service, etc, are open to a great deal of personal interpretation. That's okay. I have no problem using other people's definition in a conversation as long as we know what they are.

However, there are some words which can be used in many ways, all of them correct, and no real definitions are required. A good example is the word "please". Here is an excerpt from an email that was sent to me a little while back.

Sometimes it's "please....fuck this girl", sometimes it's "please...let this girl suck your cock", sometimes it's "please... let this girl cum", sometimes it's "please... don't stop", sometimes it's " it again", sometimes it's "please...make it hurt", sometimes it's "please...make it hurt more", sometimes it's even "please....stop making it hurt". But much of the time, it's uttered in an entirely reflexive way, with no specific meaning attached, just because it feels so damn good and right to say it. In other words, begging has become arousing in and of itself, and is also at the same time an expression of one's arousal, such that the magic word "please" is just so very much the perfect word, moaned in the throes of sexual ecstasy.

Nice, yes? Of course, the writer was speaking of using the word during a session, but one can see how it could be used at almost anytime. For example "May I serve you, please? or "May I please have permission to go to the bathroom?", etc. Many many ways.

For those of you already in a D/s relationship, why not try having an entire evening when your submissive is only allowed to use this single word to communicate? This way tone, inflection, volume, etc, would be very important in understanding what was being asked. This would focus the submissive's attention as well as the Dominant's. I think the results would be interesting.

Or, like the girl who wrote that email, how about a session where that was the only word allowed.

Hmmm... now that might be interesting indeed.

Be seeing you,

All good (and bad) things come to an end

Greetings all,

I believe it is time for my sabbatical to come to an end. It has been an interesting six months or so filled with ups and downs.

While I will not be going into the reason why I needed the time away from the online environment, I can say that the issues which motivated me to take the sabbatical have been resolved, in a very positive way. I have learned some very important lessons, which I hope to share over time, and come out of this time with a renewed sense of purpose.

I have also managed to build up quite a collection of topics which I want to explore, and developed some new ideas for enhancements to the blog, all of which will be coming up in the near future. My goal is to try and raise the profile of my blog, actively seek situations where I can discuss my views, and become more involved with the online D/s community. Plus, I am hoping to offer some real time speaking engagements, and other services to the community. We will see what happens.

I look forward to more dialogs between us.

Be seeing you,


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