Saturday, April 3, 2010

Truth, Honesty, and Privacy

Greetings all,

I received an email from a reader who asked the following question:

"In one of your older ones (posts) you talk about training girls and checking up on them to make sure they're honest to you. My question is what constitutes a lie to you? Is it out right lying or the sin of omission as well. And if the later is one you consider a lie? How then does a sub know what is important to you if new? I'm not sure I understand privacy vs honesty however if I was being trained. Opening myself up like a open book isn't realistic at first."

I consider it a lie when someone is knowingly and deliberately dishonest with me. In particular, when the motivation for telling the lie is negative, such as shame, fear, anger, etc.

Therefore regardless if I am told the lie, or if someone chose not to speak when they should have, it is still a lie in my book.

In general, I do not tolerate lying from any girl, and consider it grounds for an immediate termination of the relationship, although I have been known to forgive a girl under special circumstances.

I appreciate that this requirement can place extra stress on a girl, especially near the beginning of the relationship. Unsure of what should, or should not, be discussed, some girls tend to want to reveal everything; other girls tend to clam up, unwilling to open their mouths for fear of saying the wrong thing. Beginnings are dangerous. Fortunately, I tend to tolerate honest mistakes in girls rather well, so long as they learn from their mistakes. This way, over time they can discover when they should be volunteering information and when they shouldn't be making assumptions.

Normally though, I tend to give a new girl a fairly rigid set of disciplines so she is not forced to make too many assumptions, although many girls still do, I'm afraid.
Privacy vs. Honesty: Privacy is the right of an individual to maintain certain information in a confidential state. Honesty, in this context, means that one's words and actions must be truthful.

The conflict between these two is what happens when a girl is asked a question that she would prefer to keep private. Obviously she can't lie, because that would be dishonest, so she can't give a "made up" answer, and she can't say "she doesn't know".

She could ask for permission not to answer, but her Dominant might command her to do so, and then she doesn't have any choice at all. In fact, unless it has been previously negotiated that in certain areas she may retain her privacy, in general she is not allowed any privacy.

Now, some submissives may be concerned that the revelation of information might damage the relationship. Certainly this is a valid concern, but it does not give the submissive permission to lie. Instead I would suggest that the revelation of "difficult" information is a test not only for the submissive, but also for the Dominant. How will he react? Does he handle it in a responsible manner, or does he lose self-control? To a certain extent, a Dominant should never ask a question unless he is prepared to hear the answer.
But the choice does not belong to the submissive. It belongs to the Dominant.

I understand the challenge of revealing one's privacies to another. This is why a submissive must get a good sense of the Dominant before entering into a formal relationship. This is why I believe a Dominant must extend honesty and trust first, if there is to be any expectation of it being returned. But given a formal relationship, and the requirement for honesty, the submissive has no choice. She must respond to all questions honestly and to the best of her ability.

Anything less is an insult to the relationship.

Be seeing you.

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