Monday, February 9, 2009

Sadistic pleasures?


A little while ago rose asked the following question in a comment she left:

>> rose: but i have disgressed. the reason i am writing this is to ask a question regarding this post. you speak of a submissives, without a masochistic tendency, to withstand pain, in order to please her dominant. i can understand that. what i am interested in is the dominants point of view. how does it feel for a dominant to inflict pain upon a submissive that he knows does not enjoy it. i imagine it would be an incredible feeling. of her giving. of the connection.

but, let's take a dom with a sadistic streak. would he be able to do it again and again over time? or would he maybe start to feel uncomfortable? would knowing she is not getting any physical pleasure put a damper on it eventually? doms are, after all, human.<<

Before I answer I think it is important to clarify the phrase “how does it feel for a dominant to inflict pain upon a submissive that he knows does not enjoy it”. As I have mentioned, there are submissives who will endure much to please their dominant. They accept harsh treatment since it pleases their dominant, and in doing so they satisfy their own nature. However, this is still a consensual relationship. I want to make sure we are clear on this matter.

Too, I also want to be clear that it is not always a trait of a dominant to inflict pain. That is the domain of the sadist. And while it is true that many dominants are also sadist this is far from a universal truth. Therefore it would be more appropriate for you to ask how does a sadist feel doing these things.

In a word, it feels good.

IMO – it is the nature of the sadist to become aroused through the infliction of pain. As long as the girl consents, then the sadist will enjoy himself (though sadly it is true that there are those who enjoy the infliction of pain withoiut consent, but that is another sort of person). True, there is a special feedback when dealing with a masochist of quality, but there is also a unique pleasure which comes from knowing that the girl is enduring this treatment simply out of her need to serve.

Or, in the words of the famous song writer Jimmy Pop; “The lap dance is always better when the stripper is crying.”

I remember well the first time I took a girl in her ass knowing that she would not enjoy it, and that it would cause her suffering. It was quite thrilling. I used her hard and with little mercy. Afterward, she told me that while it hurt, it had also been exhilarating for her. Not in a sexual way, but rather a form of mental/emotional satisfaction from being used without regard to her own feelings. She thrilled to the idea of simply being used for the pleasure of another.

This is quite a bit different than using a masochist who is aroused by pain. The sadomasochist interaction dynamic is therefore quite a bit different than that of a submissive who craves service. Both have there place. I have no preference between the two since they are quite different in the particular pleasure they provide me.

So, as a sadist would I keep on doing something that I knew she did not enjoy? Yes, I would. However, wearing my dominant hat, I might find it a challenge to do things to a girl that I knew she did not enjoy. Punishment is one thing that comes to mind as an example.

As far as the pleasure (or the lack thereof) she would derive from the experience this is secondary. I consider my own pleasure paramount. Once a girl gives her consent, I do things to satisfy my pleasure. I know that she will be satisfied so long as I am uncompromising in her use.

Be seeing you,

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Keeping a submissive flame buring hot


A little while ago a reader who identified herself simply as "a girl" asked the following question:

Just what is the process a dominant man can use to keep the submissive flame burning hot?

Firstly, I believe that the maintenance of the D/s relationship is a two way street. In the same way that power flows between the Dominant and the Submissive so to the conduit that carries that energy (i.e. the relationship) requires ongoing maintenance and renewal.

For the Dominant this can take a number of forms. For myself, I am a great believer in formality in a D/s relationship. WHile I try not to be too stuffy about it I feel that one of the ways that a girl recognizes that she is in a special sort of relationship with me, and that I do not view her as I would other women, is because of the overt formality in how I interact with her. This can include tone of voice, the way disciplines are enforced, careful attention to the tasks being performed by the Submissive, etc. I think formality is a good idea because it requires that the Dominant be aware of what he is doing at all time.

Of course, formality is not the only option. There are many others. For example, one may require a Submissive to perform certain rituals or disciplines of gratitude not only when they are given a task, but even when they are on their own. One may require the submissive to ask permission for simple acts such as going to the bathroom, eating, or even requesting permission to masturbate. All of these will act as an ongoing reinforcement of the girl's submission. One may also ratchet up the volume by keeping a girl in a collar 24/7, or having her tattooed, etc. In this manner she is very much aware of who she belongs to.

Some girls have told me that even performing domestic mundane chores can reinforce their sense of submission. Doing the laundry, preparing a meal, cleaning his room, etc, all of these take on special meaning when they must be performed in a certain manner, and she knows he will check up on her later on.

The key is to check up. As I have said in the past, if the dominant does not take his responsibility seriously, and is not willing to check on her work, making sure it is done properly and to his satisfaction, then there is every chance that she will soon feel neglected and the sub fever will burn at a lower intensity. In certain cases it can even be quenched.

The submissive also has a role to play if she wants to keep herself running hot and needy. She must apply herself to her tasks and disciplines. She must place herself in front of her Dominant for his examination and approval. She must not take his choices away. She must try and cultivate a mindset that keeps her in a submissive space. She must bring her issues and concerns to her Dominant. She must be ready to express both her needs, and also her fears.

I have written of these things before. There is no magic formula, no silver bullet. A D/s relationship is maintained with hard work on both sides, courageous honesty, deep trust, and a sense of the spiritual. If one partner feels like something is fading then they have a responsibility to open up there mouth and tell the other person. Otherwise, things will fall apart.

Happily, while it does require work to keep a D/s relationship going, the work is not so onerous. After all, it should really not be that big a deal to break out the ropes every now and then, bind your girl into something tight and exposing, and have your way with her, should it?

Like a pet, a submissive needs looking after. Treat her well, and she will stay loyal, hot, and eager to please.

Be seeing you,

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