Thursday, December 18, 2008

More on the power of submission

Greetings all,

In response to my previous blog entry amber juel left a comment. Here is my reply.

Greetings amber,

I believe that the expression of one's nature is a strong motivator in decisions (both good and bad) and overall happiness.

I would agree.

You list some potential pitfalls of supressing a submissive nature, but I found that just as many problems arise when one tries to express a submissive nature without fully understanding the need behind it.

Again I would agree. Sadly, it is often the case that many females who do not accept, or even understand, their nature look for ways to express it. This can often lead to problems. For example, she may select the wrong sort of partner, or may behave in maladaptive ways, or may engage in activities that she will later regret. Her nature motivators her, but without understanding it, there is the risk that it will control her, rather than the other way around.

For example, I had such a strong need for a dominant male force in my life that I tried to submit to men who were not dominant, to men who had no concept of my nature or my need. As a result, I was used, taken advantage of, and heartbroken more times than I care to admit. I was supposed to be smarter than that. In hindsight, I acted stupidly because I didn't understand what drove me to do those things. For me, understanding the psychology behind my nature has brought peace and I no longer seek inappropriate relationships.

Well said. It seems to make sense to me that the better we understand ourselves, the better the quality of the decisions we will make that affect us. Sadly, there are many people who seem unwilling or unable to go through this learning process and who are therefore doomed to a lifetime of bad decisions and unhappiness.

I am very happy to learn that you have reached a place of inner peace. I believe that with respect to D/s such peace does not require a relationship (although that is the ideal) but rather an acceptance of self, and an appreciation of the best ways to navigate through one’s life.

I remember the first night I was in the presence of a man who was truly dominant.

He sounds like quite the fellow!

At the end of that evening, I didn't even recognize the face in the mirror. It was literally glowing, with eyes that glistened brighter than any star. How was that possible?

It has been my experience, that in those moments that a deeply submissive female allows her inner self to come forth she is truly beautiful. The layers of armour, the tall walls of defense, and all of the ugly fortifications are stripped away to reveal the shining radiance of her true nature. Like a flower that has long been in the dark and is exposed to the sun, the submissive blooms, her petals unfurl to show her inner essence, and she radiates an amazing aura. For someone such as myself, who has so often been privileged to be the first to observe this in many females, it is an amazing experience.

As I suspect it was for the fellow you were with that evening.

I think it was the first time I realized the true power of submission, but I also believe the energy was a reflection of the power that was focused so intensely upon me. In other words, I'm not so sure submissive power can be sustained just through service. I think there needs to be a dominant force from which the submissive draws enough energy that can be reflected - much as the moon reflects the light of the sun.

Yes I would agree. While a female’s nature may be submissive, the true power of it can only be realized in a proper pairing with a dominant personality. So, while she may live in balance by accepting her nature, the true force of the power is one that comes from reflection and radiance.

Nicely said, amber.

Be seeing you,

Monday, December 15, 2008

The psychology of submission and power

Greetings all,

In response to my article on Rules and Rituals I received the following comment from amber juel.

>I had a conversation with a male friend today regarding the differences in our approach to bondage. His is casual, light-hearted and teasing while I get more benefit from formality and the psychological aspect, but the end result is the same for both - intensity and release.

In any event, the conversation reminded me of this...

Rituals provide the vocabulary for expression of devotion and eroticisation of the mundane. They must be crafted with care, designed with the psychology of submission and power in mind, and enforced with dedication.

It would be interesting if you could speak more about the psychology of submission and power.<

As you know I believe that a female’s submissive nature is greatly determined by genetics. IOW – it is encoded into the very cells of her body through many years of evolution. Of course, social conditioning has an important to play in this process, different cultures tend to promote or suppress these natures to a lesser or greater extent. However, I do believe that the natural tendency to submit is wired in from birth.

Therefore, the psychology of submission is, to me, not about how one “becomes” submissive (since that is not really possible) but rather how one can express one’s submissive nature. It is about how the mind processes these natural urges, how it comes to terms with them, and how it displays them. When poorly handled the female may behave in maladaptive ways which will permeate every aspect of her daily life. She may find herself feeling stress, unable to cope, eating too much (or not enough), sleeping too much (or not enough), etc. IOW – because they have no way to express their inner nature and the power associated with that nature they tend to struggle.

Submission is also an expression of power. Some equate the loss of control with the loss of power, but I would disagree. The submissives I know have often told me of how energized and powerful they feel when they are given an opportunity to explore and express their nature. In this sense, power can be equated to energy. So, even though they are controlled, still they are energized. This is a curious paradox, that a female when she is serving on her knees should feel a strong rush of energy coursing through her body. This energy can often have an erotic (sexual) component, but that does not always have to be the case. The performance of an act of service to another is often enough to give this charge of energy.

I am told it can be powerful indeed.

So, with respect to psychology of submission and power I would say that by coming to terms with one’s nature, and finding a place of balance from which to serve, a female can enjoy a heightened level of energy (power) that would normally not be accessible to her through any other means.

I trust this has answered your question.

Be seeing you,

Follow up to the Masochistic Female

Greetings all,

In response to my blog entry about the Masochistic Female, amber juel left a comment. Here is an excerpt and my response.

>At any rate, you seem to characterize women who enjoy smacks on the butt during sex or even rough sex as having a mild or latent masochistic bent. What is your view of women who enjoy or crave being bound? What of those who have a need to release control even to the point of submitting to punishments and humiliations they do not crave, they do not enjoy and would never have ever considered possible? What of those women, Mr. Cross? Do you consider them to be latent masochists as well?<

Greetings amber juel,

Thank you for your comment.

My blog entry was focused on the masochistic female, I deliberately avoided speaking about the submissive. You are correct, I do know a small amount about the nature of the submissive female.

Still, your question is well taken. Does a girl who submits to pain and punishment, not because it gives her pleasure, but rather because it gives her partner pleasure, a masochist? Does a female who endures humiliation, not because it arouses her, but rather because she it will satisfy her partner, being abused? Certainly such women exist, and I have known a few of them. They are normally deeply submissive and therefore see service as their path to personal satisfaction. IOW – by performing a service, no matter what it might be, they fulfill their nature. As such they do not see pain as pleasure, they do not see humiliation as empowering, rather they see these things as acts of submission through which they can satisfy their nature.

I can’t see how such women can be described as being masochistic. They do not process intense stimulation as pleasure (i.e. it hurts), nor do they view humiliation and degradation as being enjoyable. Rather they accept these acts as part of their service, much the same way they might view cleaning their Dominant’s toilet – an act that they don’t enjoy but they willingly do.

However, this opens the door to a set of rather slippery stairs. Where is the line between submission and abuse in this sort of situation. If a woman must endure something unpleasant in order to maintain the relationship is she being abused? If she gain no pleasure from the acts that her partner visits upon her is she being taken advantage of? At what point is a line crossed between acceptable and unacceptable behaviours? These are not easy questions. In the end, all I can say is that it is up to each submissive to constantly evaluate her situation and determine if she is still where she needs to be.

Too, it must be remembered that another aspect of BDSM is “Bondage and Discipline”. I have not written a great deal on this topic, but your comment brought this to my mind. B&D refer to the various forms of restraint that can be placed, and disciplines are the behaviours that can be enforced. In bondage, many females find what is called “the freedom of the ropes”. A liberating loss of control. Is it masochistic to want to be bound in ropes or chains? I don’t think so, although such bondage is often the pre-cursor to S&M play. Is being obedient to a discipline a form of masochism? Again, I don’t think so. Disciplines are another way that the submissive gives up control, allowing another to structure her life.

How does B&D differ from D/s? I would think that B&D are more oriented towards actual activities (binding, rituals, etc) whereas D/s is more about a mental state of being.

But I think I may need to talk about that more in the future.

I hope this answers your question, amber.

Be seeing you,

Friday, December 5, 2008

New Link Added

Greetings all,

I have added a new link in my Shibari section to Nekoko Deli's blog. It is worth a viewing. Some amazing photos.

Be seeing you

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Masochistic Female

Greetings all,

The masochistic female interests me.

I know nothing of masochistic males, their motivations, challenges, or issues. I know nothing about them, because I have never been very interested in learning about them.

I also know very little about abused females. By abused females I refer to any who have been emotionally, intellectually, or physically reduced by another. In this sense, to be reduced means to be made less, to have ones sense of self-esteem, self-worth made smaller. To feel less good about oneself. The opposite of being enhanced. True, I have encountered more than a few women who have claimed to have been abused as children, or even later on in life. Some have spoken of rape, or other forms of sexual torment. Others have spoken of physical punishments far in excess of what I would consider normal or required. Still others have spoken of emotional abuses, the denial of love, the battering of tender emotions, etc. So, I have encountered such women, but I know little of them. Again, I am not too interested. When I work with a girl I am much more interested in who she is now, not in her history. I will examine her history if I feel it is relevant to her development which is not always.

I do know something about the masochistic female. By this I mean a woman who finds pleasure and satisfaction in forms of stimulation that the majority of our society would consider to be painful. This pain might be physical (i.e. beating, cutting, binding, etc), but might also be intellectual (humiliation, degradation, objectification, etc). I do not engage in emotional or spiritual sadism since I do not believe that these things enhance the female.

Trying to understand the motivations of the masochistic female can be a challenge to those on the outside of the BDSM community. How can offering one’s flesh to be bruised, whipped, pierced, etc, be pleasurable, let alone an enhancement? How can the drinking of urine be seen as being somehow uplifting? How is it possible that anyone would take pride in being called a slut, a cunt, or a whore? Where is the empowerment in bellying to a man’s shoes and begging permission to kiss them, or even more having to beg permission to go to the bathroom, or even orgasm? The whole thing appears opposite and counter-intuitive.

Here is what I know and believe.

To start one requires a woman of strong character, a strong sense of self, including self-esteem. True, I have worked with women who came to me not feeling too good about themselves, but this was not because of low self-esteem, but rather because they were conflicted between what their nature was telling them to do (i.e. the masochistic lifestyle) and what their society has been telling them to do (be the same as men). They were embarrassed to talk about this with their friends and confidents for fear of being ridiculed and branded a traitor (“Dorothy! How could you! You let a man smack your bottom? What do you think we feminists have been fighting for all these years? Bad girl, you have brought shame onto all of us!).

The women I select are not doormats. They are not passive. They are not seeking some sort of bizarre absolution for past “sins”. Such women are easy to spot. I call them “martyrs”. They see pain as their just punishment for past transgressions. The pain does not arouse them, rather it is simply a way for them to try re-balance themselves. I have no interest in such women.

Of course, quite a few women who don’t declare themselves as being masochistic probably have some trace leanings in that direction. Perhaps they like “love bites” or perhaps they like a bit of a smack on the rear end when they are being taken from behind. Perhaps they like some crude language during sex. Many women will freely admit to wanting their sex “rough” by which they mean they want their partner to have a more dominant role in the bedroom. And is there not a sort a cliché of advice that many women are given about being a lady most of the time but a whore in the bedroom? All of this speaks to a latent masochism in all these females. But these women also are of little interest to me. I prefer my masochists to be rather more extreme.

I have spoken at length to the women I have worked, both in person, over the phone, or even via the Internet. They speak of the enormous powerful energy they feel when I work them. It lifts them up, transports them into another dimension where they feel a certain perfection of self. As they are whipped they process the sensations as the most amazing of pleasures. In part this is because of the endorphins that are released into their bloodstream (much like a runner’s high). But also in part this is a spiritual experience because they feel true to themselves. They feel they are being true to their nature.

And it is not only the actual experience that is positive for them. All of them also report am amazing range of positive experiences right after an intense session. Some feel giddy and happy. Others feel powerful and energized. Others reach a place of wonderful peace and contentment. Still others report a reduction in stress which helps them deal more easily with their domestic life.

True, there is also a rather negative thing known as “sub drop”. This is a depressed feeling that comes when they are no longer high into the session. This is almost like a withdrawal, and in my experience is a direct result of a lack of ongoing interaction. My session time with my girls is limited, with the exception of my wife. I am pleased to report that she rarely ever feels sub-drop.

IOW – I believe that sub drop only happens in those cases where there is no ongoing relationship (interaction) between the sadist and the masochist.

Given this range of positive responses to sadistic treatment it is not difficult to understand why these women would seek out these experiences. Quite simply they feel good at both a physical and intellectual level. But why should this be the case?

I think the physical part is the easiest to understand. Different people experience physical stimulation differently. Pain and pleasure are simply two sides of the same coin. There is little difference between them from an objective viewpoint. It is how we each subjectively process the stimulation that allows us to determine if something is painful or pleasurable. Too, pain can often be morphed into pleasure. The “runner’s high” I mentioned is a good example. As the endorphins are released by the intense stimulation, the result is pleasure.

But what about those who feel empowered by being degraded? How can this be seen in any sense as being positive? Is there pleasure in being called “fuck meat” or “hole toy”? Can having one’s head stuck into a toilet be considered empowering? Can pitiful begging to drink a man’s cum be really considered as an enhancement? Is being required to eat from a dog bowl beside the table, or being kennelled at night in a cage, a sign of high self-esteem?

The simple answer to all of the above is yes. Very much so.

The paradox for the deeply masochistic female is that the lower they are brought, the higher they soar. Part of it is simple pride, “Look at what I can do! Look at what I can handle!” Another part is sheer exhilaration, as they experience the rich wealth of emotions and sensations that are part and parcel of this sort of experience. Still another facet is arousal – there is no question that such treatment makes these women incredibly wet and needful, which has the effect of making their orgasms rather powerful indeed.

In other words, they love it. No, it’s not for everyone. Only a few need apply, and of those that do, only a select few can handle it. They must be strong. They must be able to handle the treatment without it bruising their own ego and sense of self. They must have vast resources of internal power and energy to call up and offer the sadist so that he can use it to shape the session.

The powerful female masochist is a very special creature.

And that is why they interest me a great deal.

Be seeing you,

Fiction - She Fears


Here is another pov. This was written in 2004 in response to some comments on a writer's group that I belonged to. The comments were rather negative concerning BDSM in general and myself in particular. In essence I was told that my writings were promoting a bad attitude towards women. I was told that I was advocating abuse. Rather than argue, I wrote this short piece.

The story contains reference to a character called Alexander Waring. He shows up in quite a number of my pieces. He is a Master Trainer of female submissives and is very good at what he does.

Be seeing you,


She Fears
Copyright 2004 Mackenzie Cross
All rights reserved

There is a room.

The polished wood floors reflect the dim light of a small lamp set on a night table. Even if she could see, few of the room's features would be evident, except for the neatly made bed upon which she lies, hands by her side, legs parted. The blindfold she wears prevents her having this option. Her ability to see is not under her own control. There is only a
single colour in her world right now, black.

She is very afraid. Yet her cunt is throbbing.

Her fears are no ordinary anxieties. They are demons who have erected a canopy of terrors stretched across the horizons of her life.

They stretch to her past. She has lived her night-time horrors. They have dates and locations. They have faces and figures. They are the events that have shaped her, twisted her, depressing her spirit, until all that was left was a tiny spark of hope sheltered
behind impregnable walls of indifference, coldness, and of course the fears themselves. She can name her fears. They are the names of those who abused her. A too long list of men to whom she sacrificed an ever-shrinking piece of her heart.

All she had ever wanted was to be pleasing, to help make them happy, at least that's the way it always started out. And even though each one of them had been different, in a way, they had all been the same. There was a pattern to each relationship.

The beginnings were always thrilling and intense. The men had seemed so powerful confident and assured. She felt herself pulled towards them, even (especially?) when they seemed dark and dangerous. It made her cunt throb, being near them.

The fucking had been great. Their sex had been marathons of lust. It was hot and tight and almost perfect. Feeling them cum would send shivers from her cunt to her teeth. She would scream her pleasure. It was raw and nasty and she loved it. Between the sex
she would fill the time with domestic chores which filled her with a pride of accomplishment.

But it never lasted very long, after awhile there would be sly comments and thinly veiled insults which quickly grew into vicious attacks on her character.

She remembers always accepting the blame. Somehow, no matter what happened, it would always be "her fault". Even when it was their fault. She tried her best but it was rarely good enough. Some of them would yell and scream. Some of them were cold and quiet, but all of them punished. There would be beatings frequently coupled with a form of torture only a five-dollar whore could still describe as sex. Her body and mind still bare the scars of those punishments.

Sometimes they would tell her she was "asking for it". Some of them told her to beg, and she did. When she didn't the beatings were much more brutal.

After awhile she would leave promising herself never to let it happen again. It was a promise she never kept. Soon she would find another loser and the pattern would begin again.

Finally she stopped altogether. It has been five years since she spread her legs for a man. She misses that a great deal. But at least the beatings have stopped. And she swore she would never beg again.

There have been years of therapy and support groups, which have helped to remove the sharpest edges from the cruelties of her past. Still, she suspects that she may never rid herself of her past, the imprinting runs too deep.

But it is not only the past that she fears.

She fears herself. Looking inward holds no peace, no balance. She fears she is not normal, that there is something wrong with her. Perhaps she is some sort of sick pervert who seeks out these lowest of men so that they will demean her, making her small. She has tried blind dates, single's nights, even joined a church, always looking for a regular sort of guy, the kind "good" girls marry. But none of them gave her a spark. None of them made her cunt throb.

After awhile the dates dwindled to nothing. There didn't seem much point.

She fears that she is getting what she deserves. She fears she may always live alone.

And still her fears continue.

Her fears stretch into her future. They cloud tomorrow, making it unclear. The healing has taken many years. It is still taking place. It may require every remaining day of her life to cleanse her being and make her whole. She fears this may well be the case, even while she prays it may not.

One of her therapists pointed her to the Internet, to the world of domination and submission, the BDSM online community. She has spent many hours at her computer, reading about women who give themselves over to the power of another, and who seem to find completion, something they call the liberation of bondage. She has spent time in chat rooms, meeting dominant men and submissive women. The conversations struck a resonant chord inside of her. Might it be possible for a man to control a woman without abusing her? What sort of woman would beg to be whipped? She yearned to know more, to discover if she was one of these women, but her fears always held her back from taking the step of meeting someone. Fearful that she would hate it and even more fearful that she would crave it.

But all that changed two months ago when a woman she had grown to trust and respect asked permission to recommend her to a very special person, someone who might be able to help her. With an impulsiveness, she hoped she would not regret, she agreed. A week later her door bell rang and a well-dressed man handed her a small cream coloured envelope and then walked away without saying a word. Her name was precisely written on the front with a broad stroke using deep purple ink. Inside was a sterling silver business card inscribed with only a name and a phone number.

Alexander Waring

Of course she had heard of him. Alexander Waring, Master Trainer. Everyone on the Internet knew of him. He was one of the very best, his name spoken in awe and reverence by many. But what did he have to do with her? He trained beautiful submissives, not abused women. It was an act of pure courage to pick up the phone and call. It took a great deal more courage to agree to meet him for lunch.

He was not what she had expected. Short and solid with a conservative style of dress, he was almost diametrically opposed to her impression of the fetish-wearing, leather macho men she had envisioned. He spoke softly in a deep soothing voice, watching her with probing eyes as if he could read her secrets. Near the end of their meal he told her she was a submissive, and he could help her. She would have to move in with him.

Even now she is not sure why she agreed. Except perhaps, for the first time, in a long while, her cunt was throbbing again.

That was six weeks ago. In all that time, he has not touched. Neither for the purposes of pleasure nor pain. He has taught her his rules, how to keep his home. She has chores every day and they must be done correctly. When they are not, he tells her. He has a way of speaking, a way of looking at her, which is like a punishment. He has told her he knows she can do better, so he expects her to do better. And so she tries, for she has always wanted to be pleasing. On a few occasions he has praised her, and that has been a wonderful feeling.

He has taught her how to stand and how to move. How to hold position. How to speak. Sometimes he has had other woman visit, richly sexual creatures. She has seen them kneel and postures in attitudes of sensuality which are beyond her ability to perform. She has listened to the sultry quality of their voices, expressive and filled with desire. She has heard them beg. Sometimes they beg for sex, sometimes simply to serve. A few have even begged to be punished. He never forced them, they did it on their own accord. At first she didn't understand, but he allowed her time to talk to these women, his "trained girls". They had no fear, only a full desire to serve and be pleasing. They explained the power dynamic, and it made sense.

She has grown to envy these women, and their abilities to display themselves, even their ability to beg. She has asked him to teach her these things as well, but he has refused.

Which is why she also fears the present, this room, this bed. Each night since she arrived he has required her to spend one hour in the bed, blindfolded, with her legs spread. It was very difficult in the beginning, she was afraid that he would take advantage of her. She is still afraid. But it is a different fear this time. It is the fear of uncertainty, of not knowing. She knows the moment is upon her. She fears what will happen, or perhaps what might not happen.

She fears she is not good enough. She fears failure and rejection. She fears he doesn't find her attractive enough. She fears he has no interest in her cunt, and its deep throbbing need.

She hears a door open and footsteps approaching the bed. It is Alexander, she has grown to know the measured rhythm of his steps. He removes the blindfold and holds her gaze for a moment. After all this time she still has trouble meeting his penetrating stare. Only now she also feels it deep in her cunt. He turns and begins to walk away. She is now allowed to prepare herself for bed.

"Sir?" There is a delicate tremor to her voice, the song of a bird before its first flight.

He turns back, a question in his eyes, and waits.

And so she says the words she promised herself she never would. "I need your touch. I need to feel again. Please?" There is a long pause into which there is only the sound of breathing. She knows what she must do. "Please Mr. Waring. Please, anyway you want. I beg you."

A small smile plays on his lips as he moves back to the bed. He reaches with his hand, down between her parted thighs and does something that sends glorious shockwaves through her body. She gives herself over to the experience as her needs overtake her. There is only sensation and joy.

And somewhere deep in her mind the knowledge that she can now accept herself, her identity, and her submission.

And for the first time, in a very long time, she fears no more.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The Rape II

Greetings all,

Here is something I wrote this afternoon. It is a fiction inspired by a true story.

Be seeing you,


The Rape II
Copyright 2008 Mackenzie Cross
All rights reserved

It has been a pleasant afternoon outing, window shopping at a high-end sex boutique followed by cappuccino in a small bistro in Little Italy. Idle conversation interspersed with erotic innuendos. They know each other well, and while today lacked the intense sex which is so often part of their time together, still it has been enjoyable. He is driving her back to her car so she can continue home on her own. Darkness comes early this time of the year and the headlights of the car illuminate the darkening streets through as they cruise through a quiet middle-class neighbourhood.

She looks at him as an idea occurs. “I’d love to suck your cock”, she says. There is a light mischievous quality to her voice.

He smiles to himself. It is something she often says. He glances at the digital clock in the car’s dashboard. “I think there’s time”, he replies. His voice is deep and strong. Even after all their time together she can still feel it in her belly. As always she finds it intoxicating, yet there is something else in his voice, a sharp edge which causes something to flutter inside. She looks at him as he drives, wondering if it is just her imagination, or something different she senses. This feeling of not really knowing excites her at a primal level and she senses the wetness beginning to release in her cunt.

He turns onto a side street and parks the car in front of a non-descript house. He pushes his seat back unzips his pants, and pulls out his flaccid cock. Turning sideways he faces her, she see the slow sardonic grin and the way the light from a street lamp glints in his eyes like the reflection off a blade. Inside her belly the fluttering increases as her wetness continues to seep. She cannot hold his gaze for long.

Rising to her knees on the car seat she leans over, lowering her head to swallow his soft member. It is not difficult, he is not large. She leans forward more, pressing her nose against his groin, breathing in his scent. It is masculine and powerful, and heightens her own awakening desire. She uses the suction of her mouth to pull him deeper down her throat while at the same time caressing the length of it with her tongue. His cock begins to grow insider her mouth, and she smiles to herself. How she loves to arouse him!

Distantly she is aware of his hand at her belly, unbuttoning and then unzipping her tight jeans. In response she begins a languid up and down movement on his rod. After all this time she knows how best to please him. Not too fast. First she will make him fully hard before switching to the quicker, more violent strokes which she favours. His right hand is now at her back, and slips to her ass, between the fabric of her jeans, pushing aside the thin ribbon of her thong, till it finds the end of the small metal plug she always inserts before they are to spend time together. The plug sits on top of a small post, which is terminated in a round base decorated with some cut crystal. He has taken pictures of her from behind so she can see it. It looks like she has a jewel where her asshole should be. She finds it exciting to wear it for him.

He takes the end of it in his hand and starts fucking her ass with the plug. Pulling it all the way out, he waits for a moment before forcing it back in. Sometimes he does it hard and fast, sometimes slow. She never knows what to expect.

His cock has grown harder now. It has become more difficult to swallow the whole length of it. She is a petit girl, and her mouth is small. But she craves the sensation of being filled and so she pushes herself down, forcing it in, until she feels herself start to gag. Then she lifts up so that most of it slides between her lips, until only the head of it remains in her mouth. She loves the taste of cock, his cock in particular, and is loath to give it up entirely. After a moment to catch her breath she pushes herself down again. Her cunt is leaking now, she can feel it. Her ass is responding to the plug’s fucking as she reaches out with her hand to grab the base of his cock. Even if she can’t fit it all the way in, at least she can make sure he feels a tightness all along its length. She begins to pump him harder, faster, wanting to taste his cum.

As his right hand continues to slowly fuck her ass with the plug, she feels his left hand at the top of her head, grabbing a length of hair, twisting it hard. He doesn’t do anything yet, just holds it so she is aware. Later he may control her head movements this way, as he has done in the past. She knows the path to his greatest pleasure is via control, utter control of her every part of her, even her breath. His hand grips her hard and there is pain, a sharp sort of hurting, but she embraces it. The pain releases a complex cocktail of chemicals. They transport her, release her to another place. She feels herself losing her identify, slipping away to a place where she is but a mouth, hungry for cock, eager to please.

She hears his voice, “Release”. She is not ready but still she responds. This is how she has been trained. She comes on command. She pushes her face down, impaling her mouth on this length, and at the same time grinds her ass against his hand, trying to push the small metal plug deeper into her needy hole. In her mind she creates a vision of darkness, where a terrible beast rapes with brutality and a single-minded savageness leaving her broken and bruised. It is enough, she shudders and gasps trying to suck in air, and feels her cunt fluids flowing freely now, soaking her panties, wetting her jeans.

He pulls her head up off his cock until he can see her face. She feels a thin line of drool on her chin as she breathes hard trying to take in some fresh air. He examines her carefully as if he is noting every little detail. She looks into his eyes. There is something there, something that she has seen glimpse of in the past, but never quite as blatant as this, never quite this obvious. There is something primal there, something freezing cold and burning hot at the same time. She senses the power of it, and its intensity frightens her deeply. In all the times she has known him, in all the cruel and sadistic acts he has visited onto her willing flesh, she has never seen him this way. It is as if someone else is looking out through those eyes, or perhaps something else.

He smiles, and his smile is terrifying. It is the smile of a predator before it feeds on the living flesh of its victim. His hand pulls at her hair, guiding her face back down into his lap. She opens wide. She has no choice. Reaching out she encircles the base of his cock again with her hand. He has grown larger still, somehow larger than she can ever remember. This should be impossible, yet it is happening. It is longer now, and thicker too. How can this be? Yet it is.

He takes his hand out of her pants, and grabs her arms, first one then the other. He positions them behind her back, locking her wrists together in his grip. She is almost helpless. With his other hand, he now moves her head up and down, side to side. She has no volition of her own, her mouth has become nothing more than a device for him to jerk off with in any manner in which he finds pleasure. He pulls her down hard on it, and it pushes deep, past the tight ring of flesh at the back of her throat, slipping all the way in for a moment. She begins to choke and gag, she feels the bile beginning to rise from her belly. She struggles to lift herself up, fighting his control. After the briefest of moments he allows it. He continues to move her up and down, slowly but irresistibly. He lifts her face again, just enough so her mouth is clear of his cock for a moment as she bends over. Her throat feels stretched. It hurts. Her cunt is pulsing.

His right hand lets go of her wrists, but she holds them in place. She has been trained. He places it on the back of her head while still holing the shank of hair in his left hand. She feels power flowing through them, raw and wild. Her breathing becomes shallow, her thoughts become slow.

What happens next is the rape of her mouth. There are no other words to describe how she is used. It is nothing which she has consented to, nothing which anyone would consent to, yet he does it. With his two hands his strength is impossible to resist. He fucks her skull for his pleasure, not caring if she breaths, or chokes, or even pukes. He rams her head down over his too large cock forcing into her throat. He twists her head back and forth, and lifts himself off the seat to grind it into her face. Her nose is covered with the soft flesh of his groin and she can’t breath. She is trying desperately not to retch, but it is so fucking hard. She tries to signal him, pushing herself up, making desperate little noises, but he doesn’t seem to care. It goes on, and on.

Then he pulls her up to examine her face again. Her face is smeared in liquid. The drool from her mouth, some clear snot leaking from her nose, and tears from both eyes. Eyes that have become glazed and difficult to focus. But somehow through the fog of passion she sees him. She sees his eyes blazing darkly in the night. There is a passion there, one of lust, but also something more. It is a passion to hurt and destroy.

“Sir?” she whimpers. But there is not the faintest trace of acknowledgement. The body may be of her lover, but it is as if the mind had been replaced. He smiles again and she does not know him.

He pushes her head back down. She tries to resist, but it is impossible. His strength cannot be denied. She tries to keep her mouth closed, but he gives her hair a savage twist and she opens her mouth to scream at the pain of it. In that instant he forces his cock into her mouth and continues its rape. How long it goes on she has no idea. He keeps bringing her to the edge of vomit, within a breath of it, and then pulls back. He uses her mouth with the same rapid sledgehammer strokes which he uses when slamming into her cunt or ass. She is desperately trying to hold on. Some small part of her is amazed that he can push it down her throat like this. No one has ever done this before, not even him. She is being raped by the beast, taken and used against her will, her only option is to try and ride it until he is done.

Then he pulls her off again and throws her against the car door. Reaching over he touches a button and her seat reclines all the way down. He grabs her, turns her, placing her belly down on the seat. Pulling down her loosened jeans he yanks out the plug and pops it into her gaping gasping mouth. She closes her lips around it. She has no choice.

And now her ass is raped. There is no lubricant, only the thin sheen of her own drool on his cock. He does not go slowly, opening her carefully as he sometimes does. Instead he slams his cock in, tearing her open. He is so large! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts! There is only pain now as he fucks her nether hole. Pain where his hand twisted her hair. Pain in her jaw from being stretched. A raw scratching pain deep in her throat.

He places one of his hands in the small of her back, so she cannot move. His other hand is higher up, between her shoulders. The compression makes it difficult to breath. He lifts himself up on his knees and then drops his full weight onto her ass, driving his rod as deeply as possible. It feels as if she is being ripped open. She feels herself starting to black out.

Somehow, dimly, from far away, she hears a roaring. At first she thinks it may be inside her head but then she knows it is no noise she has ever made. It is no noise she could ever make. It is the sound of an animal in triumph. It is the sound of an predator who has killed its prey. She no longer can feel him. She is lost in some other place. There is something warm and liquid being pumped into her ass, but she can’t tell what it is. Thinking is too hard.

Later, afterward, when he releases her and sits again on his own seat, she will kneel over his cock again, cleaning it with her tongue, tasting the last traces of his semen and the funky aroma of her own ass. As she performs this worship she will murmur her thanks over and over again. Never has he taken her this way. Never has anyone taken in her this way.

She has been raped.

She loved it.

And she will want it again, soon.


Sunday, November 30, 2008

New Link Added

I have added an link in the D/s Links section:

laurie's-ramblings of a madwoman

FWIW - she does not appear mad to me.

Be seeing you,

Thursday, November 27, 2008

The introduction of deena

Greetings all,

The following is from my newest mentored girl, deena.

Be seeing you,


Hello Mentor,
Hello to all of Mentor ’s blog readers,
And hello to Mentor’s girls,

This girl would like to formally introduce herself. Her name is deena, and she has recently been accepted by Mr. Cross to be mentored. She is very new and inexperienced and is looking forward to the privilege of learning from all of you.

This nervous girl also hopes that she will be able to offer something worthy and pleasing, if only an appreciative smile, to those so much more knowledgeable and accomplished than herself.

This grateful one kisses Mentor ’s shoes for this marvellous chance to grow and serve,


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

S&M as a genetic trait?

Greetings all,

I have stated many times that I believe that qualities of dominance or submissiveness are natural traits, which is to say they are based in our genetics. This is the only explanation which would seem to explain why so many females seem to be submissive in nature, while so many men seem to be dominant. Of course, social conditioning also plays an important role. These natural tendencies can be both surprised or encouraged depending on environment. But nature is nature.

Segue: Of course there are dominant females and submissive males. In a large enough population such things are bound to occur. But, imo, they are the exception, not the rule.

But what about sadism and masochism? Are they also genetic, or are they learned? Recently on a post on FetLife I suggested that unlike D/s these were not so much genetic traits as learned conditions. In response, a rather intelligent girl called me to task on the matter and suggested I reconsider.

So I have been reconsidering.

I think that the classical view is that most masochists developed this trait perhaps because of a traumatic sexual experience at a young age. Perhaps they were abused as children. Perhaps they were somehow forced to perform oral sex as a young teenager. Whatever. Of course on the surface this makes no real sense, since one would expect that the reaction to such an experience would be just the opposite, i.e. anyone who was abused as child would probably reject the notion of being masochistic. However, the reality is that I have met many incredibly deep and profound pain sluts who were never abused at all in their youth. Who were never forced. They just found that they loved pain, perhaps because of the endorphins released, or perhaps because of the notion of offering themselves.

Then of course, we have to wonder about sadists. Can we say that someone became a sadist because they were abused as a child? No that doesn’t make a great deal of sense. Can we say that they became a sadist because they were not abused as a child? That makes even less sense. How does the binding between inflicting pain on another and arousal occur? Again, having spoken to many sadists many of them admit to having developed feelings very early on. I was about 13 the first time I remember fantasizing about spanking a woman. And by the time I was 15 and reading “My life and my loves” by Frank Harris for the first time (and certainly not the last!) I was already well into acknowledging that I was having these sort of feelings. Of course, it would be about 10 years before I had an opportunity to do anything about them other than jerk off! FWIW – I was not abused as a child. My parents loved me in a perfectly wonderful and normal way.

Is it possible that there is an S&M gene somewhere in our DNA? That would be a pretty wild notion. I mean, I can understand nature selecting for someone being more or less dominant, or more or less submissive, but sadistic and masochistic? If that was the case, wouldn’t there be more sadists and masochists in the population at large?

Perhaps there are.

Many women (and not a few men) seem to enjoy a wee bit of spanking on the bum during sex. Of course they don’t consider themselves masochists, they just like their sex a bit rough. Too, many men (and more than a few women) seem to enjoy spanking their partner. Is there really any difference between this and flogging, except for degree? “Love bites” are a fairly normal part of the sexual experience - is there any real difference between this and the use of clamps or pins except in the amount of pain inflicted? Some like their sex gentle as a summer rain, other prefer it with the power of a downpour, while still others want to be caught up in a hurricane of lust. Some act, different degrees.


This would tend to suggest that perhaps all of us have some amount of S or M inherent in our makeup. And if that is the case it might also explain the behaviour (or rather mal-adaptive behaviour) of so many people. For if many people in the population at large have S or M natures, and never get to express them, then certainly they will find another socially acceptable way to do it. The classical example (which I have never been fully happy with) is the sadist who becomes a surgeon. I would suggest that perhaps there are examples of sadists and masochists all around us, we just haven’t been seeing them as such.

Too, perhaps this would explain why time and time again, I have seen strong and powerful women suddenly become not only submissive, but also masochistic almost overnight as I provoke their response. Once they come to realize that it is perfectly acceptable and safe to reveal their inner nature, it is quite amazing to observe the transformation. I am sure their friends would be shocked to know that she who was just yesterday an ardent feminist, a dominant force in her place of business, and a virtual dynamo of controlling energy, now wants nothing more than to belly to a man’s feet, a whip held in their teeth, and whimper their dark cravings for pain and release.

So maybe I have been wrong all these years? Maybe, like D/s, S&M is also somehow embedded in our genes, just waiting an opportunity to come out? Maybe, like D/s, each of us have this quality but to a different extent? Maybe S&M is nothing more than nature’s way to allow us to vent stress and pressure. Lots of maybes.

But it would be interesting to do some detailed research, eh?

What do you think?

Be seeing you,

Sunday, November 23, 2008

10 Minute Fiction: The Rape

Greetings all,

Friday morning I woke up with the last four lines of a story in my head. I knew I had to get up and write them down or lose them. So, at 7:30AM I got out of bed, turned on the laptop, and then wrote them down. Then I wrote the rest of the story (more of a flasher really). It total it took 10 minutes.

Some pieces are easier than others.

Be seeing you,


The Rape
Copyright 2008 Mackenzie Cross
All rights reserved

The rape unfolds in a series of acts, like a well-known drama, whose ending is predictable yet still holds the attention with each repetition.

In the first act she is abducted. Her reality is removed and replaced by one of his own devising. In this new place there is nothing which comforts, nothing which is familiar. There is no safety.

In the second act she is made captive. Ropes are used to bind her. Cuffs hold her hostage. She is bent and shaped into a position which pleases him, but terrifies her. She is open, exposed, and vulnerable. She has no power to resist. He will do as he wishes.

In the third act, he begins his pleasures. He torments and teases her. He places the blindfold, stealing her vision. She can not predict where the whip may fall, where the wax may drip, where the blade will cut. The tension of her body, is like the tight string of an instrument. He plays her and she screams and her screams are music to his ears.

In the fourth act he uses her body, penetrating her holes, and eating her privacies. Sometimes ramming himself in, sometimes taking his time, he makes his pleasure (and her pain) last. Now her screams undulate, unstoppable, unquenchable, until he achieves his own release. This is always the climax.

In the fifth and final act she is set free, placed back into her former reality, a reality forever changed.

The dialog of this play is minimal. Simple harsh commands. Yet embedded within is a common thread which weaves its way through the acts. A single word, which she repeats again and again. Sometimes it is whimpered, sometimes it is screamed. The word is "Please".

The rest of the world hears this and thinks it a plea for mercy, a desire for freedom, an escape from the torment.

He hears it, and knows it for what it truly is, a request for permission, a dark craving for more.

The rest of the world calls him a rapist, a sadist, and worse.

She simply calls him, "Sir".

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Concerning the Gorean slave girl

Greetings all,

Though I have never said so directly, I identify very strongly with the philosophies and ideals but forth by John Norman in his series of books about a mythical planet called Gor. While the fiction of Gor makes for an interesting backdrop to the various tales (there are about 25 books in all) it is really the philosophies and the ethics that result from these ideas that I find attractive. These cover many aspects of how man should relate both to the world around him, with other men, and with women.

It is the last point that has probably garnered the most attention down through the years, and it is that point which I wish to address in today’s blog entry.

Before I begin I should mention that Norman espouses the idea that men are naturally dominant and females are naturally submissive. IOW – it is their respective natures to compliment each other. One way that this is expressed on the fictional planet of Gor is through the institution of female slavery. Woman can, and often are, placed in chains and collars, branded, bought and sold, etc. Norman uses this institution as a mechanism to illustrate how the female reverts to her naturally submissive role, when she has no choice. IOW – instead of fighting her servitude, she embraces it as her natural way of bring.

On Gor, the slave girl, also called kajira, is considered the pinnacle of femininity, both in sensuality and attitude. Much of the bulk of many of the stories is occupied with the discussion of these things.

Just so I am clear – I am not advocating the slavery of females. Not only would that be wrong, but it would be stupid thing to do. All I am saying is that the use of slavery within the books of Gor was a useful way for Norman to explore certain notions of a natural relationship between man and woman. Of course, this hasn’t stopped many many people on this planet from calling themselves Gorean Masters and slaves. More realistically, it has allowed for dialog concerning the nature of some girls’ hearts. A girl may be said to a slave heart, if she could see herself as a Gorean kajira, if such a thing really existed.

All of this is a preamble to the real topic of today’s blog entry. In my communication with a girl I am currently developing I made the following statement:

>The Gorean slave girl, that magnificent creature, needs to be held to an even higher standard, for much the same reason. She needs the structure, the framework, and the boundaries. She is, at heart, a consummate perfectionist. This is both her virtue, and often her failing.<

I had thought I was clear, but my girl said she really didn’t understand what I was saying and asked me to elaborate further.

So here I go.

There are slaves, and then there are slaves. In today’s BDSM community it seems that almost every girl out there is calling herself a slave, with a variety of sub-types such as collared, un-collared, owned, un-owned, in waiting, waiting for the One, etc.

The other day I read a post in a thread called “slaves with lists.” It was about how slaves come to a potential Master with a list of their limits, requirements, etc. This particular slave’s list included how she expected her Master to dress, groom, etc.


Now don’t get me wrong, if you want to call yourself a slave, be my guest. It’s no skin off my back. Hell, if you even want to call yourself a real Gorean kajira, knock yourself out. It don’t matter none to me. But if you show up at my door, carrying that label, then be expected to be treated exactly as I think such a female should be handled.

IMO – the Gorean slave girl is rare and very special creature. For her, there are no safe words, there are no limits, there are no restrictions. For her, there is only her Master’s will, a desperate desire to please, and the total yielding of submission of self to another. The kajira knows it is her nature to submit, and admits that all men are, in a general sense her Masters, even though she belongs to a single man. The kajira knows that left to her own devices she would be lost, out of control, and out of balance. She needs slavery to provide her with the rigid context she requires to find her place. She can only attain the true perfection of self, in the chains of another.

Sounds pretty pitiful, doesn’t it? Nothing could be further from the truth.

Here is the amazing thing, the kajira is actually empowered by her slavery. She is enhanced, made whole. How can this be? Simple, in slavery she is completed, without it she is only half of what she can be. Her potential is unrealized. But collared, branded, and chained she has the freedom to be who she really is, sensual, beautiful, sexual, and submissive. She needs her bondage to be uncompromising so she can attain her perfection.

Consider a lock without a key. Consider a radio with no transmitter. They can exist without their match, but not well. So too the kajira, only in slavery is she realized. And not play slavery either. Not something that is taken out in the bedroom at night. Not something that is done when the kids have left for school. Not something that is done at the weekend play party. No, she lives her slavery every moment of the day, fully obedient to the will of her Master.

On Gor, that fictional planet, attaining such a condition is easy. There are many ways women can be made slave. In fact, all a woman need do is kneel at a man’s feet and beg the collar.

Here, in the real world, things are not so simple.

Now obviously such a thing is not for everyone. And also obviously, an earth-type “slave” girl cannot walk around shopping mall clad in slave garb and a thick iron collar. So, with all due respect to all those girls out there who call themselves “slaves” or “kajira,” the truth is that it is simply not possible.

OTOH – what they feel in their heart, what they aspire to, can certainly be the full and total submission that Norman speaks of in his books. This is the slave heart. This is the deep desire. Not all women feel it. I suspect only a very few do. But those who do feel it, know the truth of my words.

All others need not apply. Call yourself what you want, but be careful if you do so at my front door.

Be seeing you,

Friday, November 7, 2008

The Bare Essentials

In response to a question asking for the Bare Essentials of the Master/slave relationship

For the Master: Honesty, Trust, Responsibility

For the slave: Honesty, Trust, Obedience

Encased in a framework of discipline and ritual.
Energized by the exchange of power.

Be seeing you,

Geetings started

Greetings all,

Here is another post from FetLife concerning getting started in the scene/lifestyle when you are not even sure of your nature.


You are not the first who has been unclear as to their interests and roles.

1) Read, read, and then read some more.

2) Question yourself as to why you are attracted to all of this in the first place. You can't be guided until you have some idea of where you would like to go.

3) And then read some more.

4) Don't rush! Take your time. It is very easy to screw things up. It is much more difficult to correct an error after it has been made.

5) You still haven't read enough. Seek some advice about what else you should read.

6) When you have a better idea of why you are here seek out someone who can help you. Perhaps at a local club, perhaps online, perhaps here in the forums of Fetlife. Be prepared for rejections. Be prepared that all your reading will not have properly prepared you for the reality of what will happen.

7) After all that, you may be ready to seek a partner.

8) And above all, be safe, sane, and consensual.

Be seeing you,

Back after awhile - D/s and love

Greetings all,

Well, its been awhile. Its funny how time can pass so quickly. I've been on the road a fair bit, kayaking a bit more, plus more than a few projects that have demanded my attention. But its time to get back to a bit of blogging. I have a few comments to reply to, some posts I want to make, and maybe a photo or two I would like to upload. More than enough to keep me busy for the next couple days.

Speaking of projects, I have accepted a new girl to mentor. Her name is deena. Like all my girls I consider her to be special. Perhaps she will show up at some point to introduce herself. IAE - a new girl is always a demand on my time, so I am not to sure how consistent my posting is going to be, but I will try.

And now, time to get busy. It is good to be back. I have missed the opportunity to speak what is on my mind.

BTW - I have started becoming active on FetLife. I discovered they have a Mentors forum. While I don't agree with all the people there, as I am sure they do not agree with me, it is good to find a place where I can interact with others who are trying to do the same thing I do. Although the definition of being a mentor seems to vary greatly, they all seem to share a core value, to help others find their own nature and balance. A good thing, imo. I have been enjoying posting there, and a couple of other forums as well. I recommend FetLife to all those involved in, or interested in, the scene and lifestyle.

Here is a recent post I made in response to a question asked by a Domme concerning D/s and love.


I must take an opposing view. After 30 odd years of various D/s relationships I have come to realize that the most challenging are those that involve love, and romantic love in particular. As a dominant, who must regulate, structure, and from time to time punish a submissive, I find that love often gets in the way. One must be very strong to punish the one we love.

OTOH - when the basis of the relationship (and here I speak of ongoing lifestyle, not scenes) is strictly D/s, it is much easier to maintain structure. As to the sex, simply put, it is great. The lack of romance is actually, imo, an advantage. It keeps the relationship pure, balanced and focused.

Now I would not like to give the impression that I am opposed to love and D/s together. I have been married to the finest submissive I know for the last 15+ years and she is a joy and my perfection. Our marriage is, imo, a model of what is possible when romance and D/s are perfectly balanced. But it is not easy, it requires constant attention to detail, and their are times when I find it a challenge (as does she).

If you are dominant, as you claim to be, then I can not understand why you are finding some of these experiences to be negative. You are in the one in charge. You are the one responsible for the quality of the relationship. You must accept accountability for the results.

Is D/s intimate? Of course it is. About as intimate as it gets. But that does not mean it is romantic. Divorce the two in your mind, and then ask yourself if you still get a rush of satisfaction and pleasure from the simple control of another. If the answer is yes, then do it. If the answer is no, then I would suggest you re-evaluate your basic premises.


Be seeing you,

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Submissive power

Greetings all,

The other night I was chatting online with a girl I know well. She asked me an interesting question.

I have edited the chat log for legibility and also added some material to hopefully have the thing hang together a bit better. Also, since this was done in chat, some of the language and style is a bit looser than I would normally use.

NB: Her messages are in italic.

Be seeing you,



This girl would love to discuss the nature of power. What makes her think of this is the comment that you made to the effect that she is one of the most deep and powerful submissives that you have met, which made her think, it's easy to see why a dominant would be considered powerful, that's kind of intuitive, but it almost seems counterintuitive to suggest that a submissive is very powerful. So the question is: What constitutes "power" in a submissive? What makes a submissive powerful?

That is a very good question.

The answer may take longer than I have time for this evening, but I will begin and we will see where we get. In my experience there are a number of different aspects of power when it comes to the female submissive. The most obvious is sexual power, her ability to attract males in particular. I think it would be fair to say that the more males a female can attract the more powerful she may be considered. An analogy might be a magnet.

Of course it is possible that some women who are not submissive may also attract males and so one must look deeper to discover the power of the submissive.

Power may also be defined as a motivation to be of service to something external to the self. I think that for most people, the performance of such services to others (for example: good deeds, acts of friendship, etc) are natural and normal. IOW – it is common to much of the population. Yet clearly there are some who feel this need to serve more strongly (i.e. powerfully) than others. And so you get some women who dedicate themselves to god, or health care workers who work in terrible conditions in remote and terrible places. There must be a great driving force inside of them to be a motivator. The need to serve.

It would therefore be my contention that there are still others, who feel this need to be in the service of another very keenly indeed, so much so that they are willing (needful) to offer themselves fully, completely, and without reservation. While this might be in the cause of a religion or other organization, the focus of their desire might be a single individual. Because through this form of service they find deep purpose and a sense of true accomplishment. Further, it is my belief that because of the need to satisfy this desire they will go to lengths far in excess of the boundaries the majority of the population would consider “normal.”

So, this is another way that a submissive might be considered powerful.

Still with me?

yes, Sir




this girl only ever felt the desire to offer herself wholly to you...this was not a general need, in terms of others so how do you explain that? how does that translate into power?

I would say that you have always known yourself as a fairly powerful female and when I say powerful I refer to your emotional and charismatic energies would you agree?


It is obvious to me and I am sure to yourself that in this sense you are outside the boundaries of what the rest of population would call "normal"?


Do you know many others with the same sense of determined energy that you have?

no, you are correct

I am not trying to flatter you, girl, I am only being objective. So it makes sense that when it would come to something like your submission, or more properly your submissive nature, that you would bring the full force of your energy (i.e. your power) into play?


You couldn't have done anything else. So, in the same sense that you are more powerful than the rest of the population wrt intellectual and emotional energies so to are you with your submission, but you have been very very careful, about letting anyone have the key to your submissive nature, not knowingly perhaps, but it was certainly well covered up. Let’s face it, if the whole world knew what an easy slut you were, you would have spent the last 30 years of your life with your legs spread, and you knew that wasn't what you wanted.

Does this make sense to you?


So, you kept it well hidden and no one knew and then you found out that someone else had a duplicate key, and this powerful yearning that had been bottled up inside for years was suddenly free to express itself. Is it any wonder that its impact should be felt so powerfully by you?

So, that is another aspect of submissive power, the power to offer anything and everything, and not everyone can do it. Most submissives have more than a few very hard limits. None have no limits. But you come very close to having no limits at all.

and a strong sense of self, a sense of certainty about oneself

Indeed. Hence the inner power I speak of.

There is more to say, but it will wait for the next time we chat.


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Seneca posts on "Be his perfection"

Greetings all,

At Seneca's request I have removed this post. If you are interested in reading it you may find it as a comment in response to my Be His Perfection post.

Be seeing you,


Fiction - All things great and small

Greetings all,

In my youth, I thought I was going to have a career in math. It did not take too many years of university to dispel me of that notion. Still, I have always had an interest in the field.

However, my interest is not a simple intellectual hobby. You see, I have a problem with the concept of Zero and One. They scare me, at a deep and profound level. I have never quite figured them out. They behave quite differently than all the other numbers that we know of, and quite differently from each other. They are bizarre. I have been known to have nightmares about them, though happily not too often.

I suppose that every writer, sooner or later, starts thinking about creation. How did we get here, what's going on, who is in charge, that sort of thing. Two years ago I decided to try. Zero and One figure in this short piece, but you may have to look for them. I am pleased to report, that since writing it, I have had no nightmares at all.

Whatever that means.

Be seeing you,

All Things Great and Small
Copyright 2006 Mackenzie Cross
All rights reserved

“This is a true story. You will read it, and you will know it is true.” – Neil Gaiman - Sandman

In the beginning, or as near to the beginning as we may understand, God and Satan were lovers. They were the Two who were One, the Paradox resolved. Sacred and erotic, pure and perverse, brilliant and dark – their love birthed a living universe, glorious and blessed by the Unknowable Maker.

And God was the creator. God was the alpha, the All. And God knew All, because All was God’s creation and God was spread throughout all that was created. And the All was ordered and perfect, each thing in its place and a place for each thing. For each contained a part of God, and so each was known by God. And the boundary of everything was defined by God’s presence and it was a goodly thing.

And Satan was the nurturer. Satan was the omega, the infinite, the Void. And Satan knew the Void, because Satan was the Void. And the Void was without form yet is was uniform throughout, unchanging and never ending. Singular and unique, it was the stuff of creation, and destruction. For it was to Satan to which All things returned, tired and weary to the welcoming formlessness of the Void, to be held, nurtured and renewed before being formed again into the pieces of the All at God’s will.

And it came to past that the lovers were drawn to each other and embraced, for each understood their relation to each other, each understood their place, each knew that without the other there was no existence. In their embrace the first love was known – and the Universe was born, and time’s inexorable march began.

So was the circle complete, for All was created from the raw, primal essence of the Void, and then returned at its end. A perpetual cycle, perfectly balanced, nothing destroyed or created, only transformed. God and Satan were the Two who were One, and in the perfection of their coupling they sang the First Song. A song of symmetry, filling the universe with a harmony of sight and sound beyond our meagre comprehension.

And Satan, lovingly, spilt the Void so God might penetrate its essence, and draw from it, and create. And God tasted of the essence of Satan and was mightily pleased, for it was the material of creation, and it was infinite. And Satan was mightily pleased, for God’s creations were many and varied, filling the heavens with joy and beauty. And in this way did Satan serve God. And God drew of Satan’s essence, tasting it, knowing it, and grew to love Satan even more deeply, before gestating and creating the newly born Universe.

And the birth of the universe was a glorious declaration of God’s love for Satan. A living magnificent gift of mass and power. Bright streamers of radiant energy spewed from the nexus of their interaction, spreading light upon the heavens from infrared to ultraviolet. Stars sprang fully formed into existence, a cornucopia of orbs, brilliant diamonds to populate the black felt of the sky, suffusing the cosmos with the warmth of their love. Pulsars turned in precision, each content with it place. Quasars spewed their energy bursts in wild harmonies.

Yet God was not content, for creation was not yet complete. And God penetrated deeply into Satan, gathering more and more of the Void. Yet Satan was not displeased, for the Void was infinite and without end. And Satan served God’s need, giving up of the Void, content to serve, knowing that all would return to the Void in time.

And so God created the galaxies, spinning for the lovers’ pleasure. And out of the galaxies God built clusters and super clusters, traveling outward at enormous speed, dancing through the darkness, each perfectly predictable, each known in its order, each containing a part of God. And Satan and God looked upon Creation and found it good - very good. And they sang the First Song, and the living Universe listened and was delighted. Such was the perfection of their love.

Yet God, seeing the Universe still not yet complete was not content. So God spoke unto Satan saying, “Wherefore are you infinite and I am not? For my creation is bounded even though the Void is unbounded. Open yourself fully that I too may become infinite. If you love Me then reveal every part of the Void, so I may penetrate you completely and know the infinite and thus be content. Do not deny me. If you love me, then give unto me the breath of infinity.”

Upon hearing these words, Satan was confused knowing that creation must be always be bounded. But Satan’s love of God was like the Void, infinite and without end. And Satan would not deny God. So Satan split the Void further, opening wide and accepted the deep penetration of God. And God consumed the Void in great quantities, to assemble creations upon creations.

And lo, God created the planets, circling the stars of the heavens, each planet ordered and balanced in their orbits. And too, God created the comets and asteroids, and even the meteors, each set in their path, following God’s will, part of the All. And the numbers of planets, and comets, and asteroids, and meteors were legion, yet each was known to God, for a part of God was in each one, even to the smallest piece of rock circling the most distant star. And the complex grandeur of creation filled the Universe.

And Satan looked upon God’s creations and sang songs of praise singing, “Oh my love, how beautiful is your creation, how wonderful in its order and essence. For look, you have filled the heaven with a Universe complex and understood. Truly you are God!”

But still God was not content with creation, for it was still bounded, still contained within God’s will. And God grew much vexed, turning again to Satan saying, “Why do you defy me, my lover? Why do you still hold back the infinite Void? Give me more, so that I may complete myself, and be infinite as the Void so we may equal in all ways.”

And Satan was perplexed by God’s request saying, “How have I denied you, my love? For look, I have split myself, and split myself again, and I have opened the Void that you may taste me, and eat me, and build the Universe from my stuff. What more would you have of me, my love? For I am the Void, and the Void is infinite, and singular. You are God, and you have created the All, but the All must be bound.”

And now God grew angry with Satan, liking not the words that were spoken. And God raped Satan, ripping vast quantities of the Void, seeking to make creation infinite. And Satan cried out at this rape, yet accepted it, for still Satan loved God and would deny God nothing, even rape.

And God created on each planet the rocks and the mountains and the streams and the forests. And God created wind and the clouds. And too, did God create the rain, and the snow, and every grain of sand upon every beach on every world in the Universe. And in each and every thing there was a part of God, for each was the creation of God. So it was that God was in the All. Yet still God was not content, for the Universe was still not infinite.

And when God was spread across every part of the universe Satan cried out in fear saying, “Oh my love, you are spread through so much, so very very much. I fear you shall lose yourself in the All, for you are not infinite like the Void. You have become legion, in every part of creation, and there is so very much of creation. I fear for our love. It is enough now, my loved one. Desist from your creation. You have created enough. Come and be my love, and let us once again sing the First Song, so that we may delight the Universe.”

And upon hearing these words God became enraged. And God’s rage was terrible and vengeful. And God cried to Satan saying, “So you betray me, denying me the infinite. Therefore shall I punish you for your transgression against me.”

And God cast Satan down, making Satan small. And their embrace was broken, and the Universe screamed in pain as their love was split asunder. And Satan was made as small as the cluster, as small as a galaxy, yet this did not satisfy God’s vengeful wrath. And so God compressed Satan, as small as a star, as small as a planet, yea as small as the smallest grain of sand in the middle of the desert.

And Satan cried, “Oh my love, do not make me small. For I am the Void, the infinite and can not be contained. I am fearful, my God. So very fearful. Bring me back to your embrace so we may once again be the Two who are One. Do not this thing, my love.”

But God’s heart was cold and black, as the deep spaces between the stars. And God worked a terrible will on Satan, so that Satan was made smaller than an atom, smaller than a proton, smaller still.. until, Satan was no more, and God no longer knew Satan.

Then did God, perceiving what had been done, give a mighty cry and wailed across the empty night screaming, “Oh my love, what have I done! For I was proud and wanted that which could not be! And now I have destroyed you, and I am left alone in the Universe!”

And the balance of the Universe was lost, and the galaxies fell apart, and everywhere there was disorder and mutation. And God spread everywhere, into every disorder and mutation of the Universe, becoming thinner and thinner, until God was lost in the everything of the universe.

Yet Satan was not destroyed. For the Unknowable Maker allows nothing to be created or destroyed, only transformed. And so Satan, the Void, was transformed, into tiny strings, a quantum tapestry, infinitely small and random, without order. And the strings of Satan were woven throughout the universe, embedded in each thing. And the strings vibrated, and in their vibration they echoed the harmony of the First Song.

So it has been unto this very day that the lovers, the Two who were One, are still part of the whole universe. And the strings which are Satan still vibrate with the echoes of the First Song, and the spirit of God, which is in all things is still joyful to hear it. Yet neither knows the other and so there is still chaos in the cosmos, and balance is so very hard to achieve.

Yet it is said in the prophecies, that in the last days, when time’s march comes to an end, that the lovers will reunite, and they will know each other again, and the universe shall be created anew.

Until then, rest content and be at peace brothers and sisters. Let us accept our natures, sacred and erotic, pure and perverse, brilliant and dark. For we are all, each and every one of us, singers of the First Song.

An Important Petition

Greetings all,

Seneca first brought this matter to my attention. I recently received the following on the Shibarinetwork group forum. I think you should read it, and if motivated, sign the online petition. I have.

Be seeing you,

An Important Petition!

The American Psychiatric Association has formed working committees to revise by 2011 its Diagnostic and Statistic Manual (DSM), the definitive resource on the Diagnostic Criteria for all mental disorders. Statements currently within the DSM Paraphilias criteria include things such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, SM, and others, that are contradicted by scientific evidence (for example, it says that there are 20 male masochists for every female masochist - and no female sadists, exhibitionists, etc.!). Therefore NCSF concluded that the interpretation of the Paraphilias criteria has been politically – not scientifically – based. This politically motivated interpretation subjects BDSM practitioners, fetishists and cross-dressers to bias, discrimination and social sanctions without any scientific basis. Thus, NCSF is calling on the American Psychiatric Association to remove or drastically restructure the Paraphilias section in the DSM.

A white paper on the DSM Revision is located at here.

To help fight for this, there is a petition that has just been started. It says "We, the undersigned, support the American Psychiatric Association' s (APA) own goal of making its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) a scientific document, based on empirical research and devoid of cultural bias. A diagnosis of a mental disorder can have a severe adverse impact on employment opportunities, child custody determinations, an individual's well-being, and other areas of functioning. Therefore we urge the APA to remove all diagnoses that are not based upon peer-reviewed, empirical research, demonstrating distress or dysfunction, from the DSM. The APA specifically should not promote current social norms or values as a basis for clinical judgments."

As you see, it isn't even specifically about being kinky - just about doing what is right. go to the Petition. You can sign it and have your name kept anonymous except for verifying that there are no duplicates, and your contact information will not be released regardless. After all, being kinky isn't crazy!

sienna writes on Trust

Greetings all,

In response to my invitation to post to my blog, sienna wrote a short piece on trust. Here it is.

Be seeing you,


Trust in the M/s or D/s relationship is everything. I have found a conscious trust that creates the foundation of the relationship, and another form of unconscious esoteric trust the exists over time.

First I'd like to touch on the "relationship side ". One must in the sense that "I know you so I know you're not going to hurt me". Within this trust there is the human to human understanding that one's Master is a good person who does not what to damage you or tell a girl to do something that she cannot handle; thus, setting a girl up for a fall. One must also trust that Master can see beyond the typical hurt feelings that come out of a false sense of control.

If I disobey, or fail to perform a task, i asked to be punished-get punished- my apology is accepted- and the matter is over. Master does not tell me all about how i have done this or that to hurt him. i know that bad behavior disappoints him, and it is hard for him to punish me. That is not to say he does not have feelings, he does. He is a very passionate man; he just keeps them in check.

The "knowledge side" is interesting because the untrained girl thinks she knows everything, she knows what is best for her, Master, and the relationship. Wrong..... I learned very quickly that Master knows best. I learned that to be developed, i had to let go of what I thought and trust Master to show me the ways that a girl should behave, the ways a girl should present herself, interact with others ,and so on.

The "unconscious trust" is built up over time. It feels natural. This kind of trust is lasting, and unconditional. It is based on the commitment he has made to care for his care, and protect her. What i mean by committed does not mean one has to be married, it means that someone has proven that they are committed to the love between you, and have shown that they value you above all others. This is not something the mind can put into a box and label it "trust". It is a feeling or complete oneness with another, oneness with the love in your relationship.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Be his perfection

Greetings all,

The other day a lovely submissive whom I know wrote to me. She said she was walking around in a constant state of arousal and didn't know what to do about it. She said she had spoken to her husband about her condition, but he didn't seem too much inclined to spend his time sexing her.

What could she do to satisfy her need?

Here was my response:


My suggestion would be to focus all your energy, including your sexual energy, into pleasing your Master, rather than focusing on your own needs and arousals. If he is too tired for sex, perhaps there are other things you could do to help ease his fatigue. Perhaps he needs some time alone, perhaps he would like to have a drink prepared for him when he comes home. Perhaps there is some "chore" of his that you could take on for yourself.

Use your excess energy to help him regain his.

I will teach you a very important lesson:

Be his balance. Be his perfection.

Once you understand this lesson and can live it, you will have become a well developed submissive, and well-trained slave.

I believe that this is one of the most important lessons an attached submissive can learn, but it is not an easy one. While the rule about being pleasing is drummed in during the early stages of training, it is easy to lose focus.

Further, the submissive must understand what it means to be the dominant's "balance." Only by a detailed understanding can she hope to become his perfection.

Be seeing you,


Married with children

Greetings all,

The other day a married woman asked me for some suggestions about how D/s could be expressed on a day to day basis in their marriage, without it being too overt due to the fact that they have young children.

Here were some of my suggestions:

- Waiting for permission to start eating

- Allowing your husband to proceed you through a door, or even perhaps open the door for him

- Wearing a symbolic article of clothing or accessory, such as a piece of rawhide around the wrist, ankle, or neck. You might also want to consider the wearing of a small metal butt plug such as this one:

- Do not call him by his name. Rather say "husband" or "father."

- Always walk to his right, or left, as it suits him

- Wait for him to sit down before you do

- Wherever possible (such as in the living room), sit on the floor near his feet rather than on a chair

- Never argue with him in front of the children

And as a cautionary note, always keep your toy chest locked. The last thing you need to do is try to explain to the children why Daddy puts Mommy in handcuffs and whips here till she screams.

Be seeing you,


An offer to post

Greetings all,

It appears that others have things they might wish to post on my blog. In general, I welcome this interest.

While at this time I am not comfortable allowing people to post directly, I am willing to review any submissions and post them if I approve.

Contact me directly via email if you feel you have something you would like to post here.

Be seeing you,


Friday, August 29, 2008

Rules and Rituals

Greetings all,

In response to my post on Brainwashing one reader (Rob) asked for some more information on phrases, rituals and disciplines.

I have written in previous blog entries about the need for disciplines. I have also written about one discipline in particular (Third Person Form).

During the days of my web site, I wrote an essay on the use of Rules and Rituals within the D/s Dynamic. This was written in collaboration with Felicia. I am copying it here since I feel it would help answer Rob's question.


Rules and Rituals in the D/s Lifestyle

By Mackenzie Cross and Felicia
Copyright © 2004
All rights reserved

A dominant/submissive lifestyle is based upon the willing transfer of power between the submissive and the dominant. Submissives are drawn to a dominant's strength, power and charisma. They respond by yielding to the dominant who, in turn, empowers them to live more fully according to their nature. The manifestation of this power dynamic is the dominant’s control of the submissive. And the most effective method of maintaining control in a way that will enhance the experience for both parties is to establish a valuable framework of rules and rituals.

Rules and rituals are long-standing tools used to control the behaviours of an individual or group. Wedding ceremonies, the armed services, funerals, club membership, family gatherings, even childbirth are all steeped in ritual. They provide structure and create a sense of belonging. They can also be a powerful reminder of who we are and help keep us in mind of our commitments, either to others or to ourselves.

In a dominant/submissive relationship, rules and rituals are used to train and focus the mind, to provide boundaries and establish an atmosphere where the submissive feels secure and cared for. They help create a safe environment in which the submissive is able to express their need to be controlled, and the dominant is able to fulfill the desire to control. The observance of rules and rituals also serves to center the submissive's concentration on service and on the dominant, while the dominant is kept in mind of their responsibility toward the submissive through monitoring and enforcement.

In addition, such a framework provides an important mechanism in the maintenance of the D/s relationship, without which it will lose its structure and eventually fall into chaos and discord.

It may be helpful to begin with some clear definitions. Rules dictate what shall or shall not be done. Rituals indicate the manner that service is to be performed or acknowledgement given.

It is important for the submissive to recognize the difference between a dominant and a bully or tyrant. It is easy for someone bigger and stronger to force their will upon another, but their underlying motivation is the distinguishing factor. The bully controls out of fear, or a deep insecurity, which demands they micro-manage another. They require obedience in order to validate themselves. Ironically, this normally leads them to being dependent on their victim. Clearly, this sort of behaviour is abuse.

On the other hand dominants are motivated by a deep desire to develop and enhance their submissives. They possess a high degree of self-confidence and self-control. And though the dominant gains great satisfaction from managing a submissive, ultimately, the submissive’s service is neither needed nor required. If the submissive chooses to leave, which is their fundamental right, the dominant will send them on their way without hindrance. The bully is incapable of responding in this manner. They will threaten, follow and, in some tragic cases, violently respond to the departure of the other. This is not the behaviour of a dominant.

It is just as important to understand the difference between a submissive and a victim. Not surprisingly, the prime differentiator is power. At one end is the victim, stripped of all power, living in fear and desperation. At the other end of the scale is the submissive, sexually charged, energized, and highly motivated through their accomplishments.

Submission is as exhilarating an exercise of power to the submissive as control is to the dominant. The fully realized submissive thrives in this state and seeks it at every turn. The responsible dominant understands the implications of this statement: Unless the state of submission is continually reinforced, the submissive will feel neglected and dissatisfied. And while the nature, number and priority of rules and rituals will vary, one thing is abundantly clear, they are essential for a healthy D/s relationship.


For some, reading erotic stories or novels with a D/s theme may be the extent of their exposure to this lifestyle. Such stories are exciting and arousing, and the submissives in them are usually required to follow certain rules designed to keep them sexually charged and remind them they are to be constantly available for sexual use. However, rules about sexuality only represent a subset of a comprehensive framework touching all aspects of daily life for those following a D/s lifestyle.

Rules will normally fit into one of two categories. The first has to do with the pleasure of the dominant, the so-called “do me” rules. The purpose of this sort of rule is simple, the dominant’s gratification. By observing these, the submissive remains focused on the dominant’s pleasure - a key component of D/s interaction.

The second category has to do with the development of the submissive. Part of the responsibility in the management of a submissive includes allowing them to overcome challenges, enhancing their abilities, and guiding them in the understanding and use of their power. These rules can be quite varied and may include appearance, physical and intellectual development, or even mannerisms.

Obviously most dominants find it much easier to create the first sort of rule. Personal gratification and the ability to arrange one’s house to one’s own satisfaction are fundamental prerogatives of a dominant. However, the responsible dominant develops a keen appreciation of both the strengths and weaknesses of a particular submissive then designs rules best suited to their individual needs.

It should be noted that the dominant is not required to explain the reasons behind setting any rules, though they may choose to do so. The submissive must trust their dominant is doing the right thing or the arrangement will not work.

How many rules are required? A great deal will depend on the desired outcome. More rules will lead to tighter control over the submissive and, for the dominant, a greater sense of power. For those who have only recently discovered their dominant nature, this ability to control can be an intoxicating seduction. After all, obedience is a primary form of power flow between the dominant and submissive. One might be tempted to drink too deeply of this elixir of power by constantly giving the submissive more rules to obey. However, nothing is free, and, as with any fine drink, there is a price to be paid for consuming too much.

In a previous article about Power Transfer (not yet published here), it was stated that with the exercise of power comes the requirement of responsibility. In this context, more rules require more monitoring. A dominant who sets rules and then does not monitor their execution is behaving in an irresponsible manner and sends mixed signals to the submissive. If a rule is important enough to set, it should be important enough to track. From the submissive’s perspective, any other behaviour would not only be confusing, but throw into doubt the trustworthiness of the dominant.

Beyond monitoring, more rules will also require more attention to punishments. When rules are broken, corrective action is required, but if broken rules are “let go” or ignored by the dominant, the submissive will feel abandoned or rejected. A responsible dominant will not only set rules, they will enforce their compliance. This may be difficult in love-based D/s relationships because it is hard to punish a loved one, but it is necessary and must not be neglected.

Remember, a submissive is not a victim. They have consensually agreed to enter the relationship, deeply motivated by their need to serve and the intoxicating attraction of power. The dominant’s administration and management of rules are a key element in allowing them to satisfy this need. To fail to provide a consistent, reasonable and appropriate set of rules is to fail in one’s responsibility to the submissive.

In general, more rules are required at the beginning of the relationship than when it has matured. Setting many rules early on allows the submissive to gain an appreciation of the character of the dominant, while simultaneously providing the dominant the opportunity to observe the submissive’s abilities. In addition, new D/s relationships are often very exciting. Rules provide a way for this excitement to be expressed.

It should be noted that submissives in training require a very tight regime of rules. The new submissive, unsure and still insecure, will find comfort in a closely enforced set of rules. They represent a safe outlet for the expression of submission. However, over time, as the strength and integrity of the individuals are revealed, the rules should be reviewed and may often be reduced, though one must be careful not to become too lax.

A well-trained submissive should already be familiar with basic rules of behaviour and feel comfortable with their submissive nature. Though they may not require as many rules as a new submissive, they will still need evaluation and development. Rules are an important part of that process.

How to Develop Rules

Rules may not be easy to follow, but they should be simple. Some examples are: You will rise when I come into the room; you will not eat until given permission; you will lock the garage door each night; you will exercise for thirty minutes each day. As rules are an expression of how the dominant wishes the submissive to behave they will tend to be as varied as the dominants who set them. It would be impossible to develop a generic list of rules to be used in the management of all submissives. However, we can provide some general guidelines for their creation and enforcement.

Be prepared:
The dominant should always have their rules ready. They are not to be made up as one goes along, although new ones can be added as needed. This may prove a challenge for the new dominant. We strongly suggest you take some time to develop a core set of rules before taking on a submissive. Also, the new dominant must be aware one cannot enforce one’s rules upon another’s submissive. “A slave cannot have two masters.” Service may be offered to another dominant, but a submissive can only yield to one person at a time.

Be consistent:
Since rules are so critical to the submissive, they should not be changed on a whim or without due notice. Rules are not to be used as a way of "toying" with a submissive. Again, the new dominant may become so seduced by giving and enforcing rules they could create conflicting conditions that cannot be resolved. Submissives should question these inconsistencies. (Though carefully, to be sure. The new dominant may not react well to having their rules questioned.) We also suggest the rules be written down to avoid confusion, and the consequences of breaking them should be known up front. Likewise, submissives must avoid trying to “read between the lines” when it comes to rules. Only well-trained or highly experienced submissives can interpret rules with any consistent success. When in doubt, a submissive should always ask for direction.

Be conscientious:
As previously mentioned, rules create a responsibility for the dominant. One must verify they are being followed and punish when they are broken, otherwise they mean nothing. Be careful of having too many rules. Submissives will often test their dominants by breaking rules to see if they are paying attention. In such situations, punishment must be harsh and swift. Failure to do so will usually be interpreted as disinterest, not tolerance, and will damage the relationship.


There are several benefits to the establishment and performance of rituals. They reinforce the D/s relationship by allowing both the submissive and the dominant to affirm their commitment and involvement. As rituals are performed and acknowledged, the flow of power is facilitated and balance is maintained. It is the D/s equivalent of saying "I love you".

Since rituals are one of the conduits of power flow between the dominant and the submissive, lack of ritual, therefore, can act as a dam, hindering smooth interaction between the individuals. Removal of an established ritual can also act as a powerful form of punishment. A submissive may not realize just how important a simple ritual is until it is removed.

If power flow is the language of submission, then rituals become its vocabulary.

Let’s consider a ritual for serving tea. Such a ritual might entail kneeling on the dominant’s right side, holding the cup in a certain manner, dipping the head with lowered eyes and smiling with parted lips before withdrawing. While the submissive will strive to perform the ritual to perfection, the dominant may give some latitude in its execution. For example, by parting the lips more and adding a heavier breath, a signal of intense need may be expressed. By waiting an extra moment before withdrawing, a wish to speak may be communicated, or perhaps this can be done by a light touch. Alternatively, if the submissive notices the dominant is particularly tired and stressed, the ritual may be performed as quietly as possible as a signal of empathy.

Another example is a ritual of acknowledgment. While each dominant will have their own variant (crossed wrists, bowed head, etc.), the purpose of the ritual will always be the same – a requirement for the submissive to indicate they have heard a command and agree to perform it. However, by varying the speed of response and facial expression, many more things can be communicated. Body language is a well-understood form of communication, and it is of particular importance in the context of D/s rituals.

Of course, the experienced dominant learns to monitor the execution of rituals carefully in order to pick up the full set of nuances being expressed. In long-term relationships, it is expected the dominant will be able to read many things from these observations, including the submissive’s attitude and state of mind. In some cases, specific communications might be read such as a need to speak, a need to depart, bringing attention to a particular situation, and so forth.

There is another, somewhat lighter side to the performance of rituals. They can have the delightful effect of turning mundane tasks into erotic expressions. Normal, everyday activities can be enhanced by the imposition of ritual. Fetching a magazine becomes an erotic act when it is presented in a specific fashion while kneeling. Drinking wine has layers of meaning added when it is required to kiss the glass and nod before sipping. Even the simple act of eating can be lifted to an erotic experience if it is only permitted after a discrete signal from the dominant. The more complex the rituals, the more the submissive must keep focused on the dominant, which reinforces the state of submission at all times. When a well-designed ritual is performed correctly, the effect can be an amazing rush of power.

Even without overt physical stimulation, the sensation of power transfer is highly sexual in nature. This is not too surprising given that many submissives have very strong sex drives. Rituals can have the wonderful side effect of keeping the submissive in a constant state of arousal, something which an equally sexual dominant should not be adverse to.

How to Develop Rituals

The experienced dominant will appreciate the requirement for some flexibility, or interpretation, on the part of the submissive by allowing some leeway in the execution of rituals. While there may be a temptation to enforce very strict adherence to a ritual, it must be understood that this can stifle a submissive’s natural creativity and impulsiveness. Of course, much depends on what the dominant wishes to develop in the submissive’s character. But, in general, if the ritual is too rigid, the dominant should not be surprised if the submissive grows bored with its execution after awhile.

Keep in mind that if the ritual has been well designed, the submissive will feel a personal sense of accomplishment and satisfaction from the correct performance of it. This is one measure of the success of the ritual.

Here are a few guidelines for the development of rituals.

Be thoughtful:
The responsible dominant is aware of just how serious a ritual is to a submissive. They will be performed religiously. Therefore, they require much forethought and must be given with care.

Be purposeful:
Rituals can be simple or complex, discrete or demonstrative, and it will likely be necessary to have a variety of rituals for various occasions and situations or social contexts. For example, once a submissive becomes aware they have displeased their dominant, they will need to beg for punishment. (Please refer to the section on begging in the Punishment article. NB: These essays have not yet been posted on my blog) In such instances, the dominant may require a ritual designed to impress the severity of the submissive's actions upon them, such as weeping and crawling while carrying a punishment tool between the teeth. However, this would not be appropriate in a public place. Nevertheless, some immediate recognition of the situation would be required and a more discrete ritual would still allow the submissive to express remorse and need for the reconciliation of punishment without embarrassing the dominant.

Several factors must be considered when developing a ritual. Let’s use an erotic feeding ritual to examine some of the finer points.

First, it is important to remember that rituals help to train and focus the submissive's mind, prepare their body, and build their confidence while serving the dominant. They also underscore the significance of the D/s relationship and serve as a reminder of the submissive’s place in relation to the dominant. All aspects of the ritual should be designed with these things in mind. The feeding ritual, in particular, builds trust and emphasizes the fact that the dominant will care for them in all ways, even with food.

Additional items to consider:

· Position. Will the submissive be kneeling or sitting? This may be the basis of two separate rituals. Perhaps the dominant would like the submissive to kneel when they are alone at home and sit when in public at a restaurant.

· Hands. Are the hands to be crossed on the lap, behind the neck, behind the back, or resting on the tabletop? Will they be allowed to use their hands at all? A different ritual altogether may be required if the submissive is going to be hand fed.

· Legs. If kneeling, will the dominant allow thighs to touch or must they remain open? If sitting, will the submissive be permitted to cross their legs or ankles? Uncrossed legs are often a signal of openness and readiness.

· Eyes. Normally, dominants prefer a submissive’s eyes to be averted and downcast. This is a physiological anchor which keeps them in full submission.

· Lips. It is common to require a submissive’s lips be slightly parted. It’s an erotic gesture and is also used to remind them of their openness. They should stay parted except for chewing and swallowing. In general, the submissive should accept food on the tongue and close their teeth first, then the lips. Sometimes they might playfully bite on the fork and engage in a small tug of war with the dominant, a gentle flirtation.

· Sounds. The submissive may be required to ask for a bite, or, alternatively, they may be under a discipline of silence. Small sounds may be permitted as expressions of gratitude. The submissive should always be grateful for the attentions of the dominant.

· Facial expression. Many times a dominant enjoys it when a submissive expresses feelings of satisfaction with the taste of the food, their gratitude at being served, and arousal from performance of the ritual.

· Breathing. It may be helpful to let the submissive know when to inhale and exhale if there will be any restriction of movement.

· Intent. In order for the ritual to be a success, the intent and mindset of the submissive must be articulated and maintained.

Be patient:

Rituals require practice. A submissive is unlikely to perform a new ritual correctly the first time. In order to be successful, the dominant must have a clear visualization of the ritual and to correct the submissive until the movements are performed to perfection.


Rules and rituals constitute an important part of a dominant/submissive relationship. They provide the framework which sustains the service and discipline needs of the submissive as well as fulfilling the dominant’s desire for expression of power and control. While the submissive may not always be rewarded for good performance, it is important they be punished if any rules are broken.

Rituals provide the vocabulary for expression of devotion and eroticisation of the mundane. They must be crafted with care, designed with the psychology of submission and power in mind, and enforced with dedication.

A D/s relationship is a symbiosis of power flow. Bereft of rules and rituals, such a life is like music without a key, chaotic and haphazard. However, with the structure provided by carefully crafted rules and rituals which are enforced and acknowledged, a D/s life is like a symphony, beautiful and satisfying.

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