Follow up to the Masochistic Female

Greetings all,

In response to my blog entry about the Masochistic Female, amber juel left a comment. Here is an excerpt and my response.

>At any rate, you seem to characterize women who enjoy smacks on the butt during sex or even rough sex as having a mild or latent masochistic bent. What is your view of women who enjoy or crave being bound? What of those who have a need to release control even to the point of submitting to punishments and humiliations they do not crave, they do not enjoy and would never have ever considered possible? What of those women, Mr. Cross? Do you consider them to be latent masochists as well?<


Greetings amber juel,

Thank you for your comment.

My blog entry was focused on the masochistic female, I deliberately avoided speaking about the submissive. You are correct, I do know a small amount about the nature of the submissive female.

Still, your question is well taken. Does a girl who submits to pain and punishment, not because it gives her pleasure, but rather because it gives her partner pleasure, a masochist? Does a female who endures humiliation, not because it arouses her, but rather because she it will satisfy her partner, being abused? Certainly such women exist, and I have known a few of them. They are normally deeply submissive and therefore see service as their path to personal satisfaction. IOW – by performing a service, no matter what it might be, they fulfill their nature. As such they do not see pain as pleasure, they do not see humiliation as empowering, rather they see these things as acts of submission through which they can satisfy their nature.

I can’t see how such women can be described as being masochistic. They do not process intense stimulation as pleasure (i.e. it hurts), nor do they view humiliation and degradation as being enjoyable. Rather they accept these acts as part of their service, much the same way they might view cleaning their Dominant’s toilet – an act that they don’t enjoy but they willingly do.

However, this opens the door to a set of rather slippery stairs. Where is the line between submission and abuse in this sort of situation. If a woman must endure something unpleasant in order to maintain the relationship is she being abused? If she gain no pleasure from the acts that her partner visits upon her is she being taken advantage of? At what point is a line crossed between acceptable and unacceptable behaviours? These are not easy questions. In the end, all I can say is that it is up to each submissive to constantly evaluate her situation and determine if she is still where she needs to be.

Too, it must be remembered that another aspect of BDSM is “Bondage and Discipline”. I have not written a great deal on this topic, but your comment brought this to my mind. B&D refer to the various forms of restraint that can be placed, and disciplines are the behaviours that can be enforced. In bondage, many females find what is called “the freedom of the ropes”. A liberating loss of control. Is it masochistic to want to be bound in ropes or chains? I don’t think so, although such bondage is often the pre-cursor to S&M play. Is being obedient to a discipline a form of masochism? Again, I don’t think so. Disciplines are another way that the submissive gives up control, allowing another to structure her life.

How does B&D differ from D/s? I would think that B&D are more oriented towards actual activities (binding, rituals, etc) whereas D/s is more about a mental state of being.

But I think I may need to talk about that more in the future.

I hope this answers your question, amber.

Be seeing you,