The need for disciplines

Greetings all,

Last night I had the pleasure to have dinner with a girl I trained a number of years back and her current partner. He is new to the ways of D/s relationships, and she has been helping to show him the ropes over the last six months or so.

We spoke of many things over dinner, such as ways to reinforce the D/s dynamic while out in public, behaving responsibily, how to develop a submissive, etc. At one point some desert menus were brought to the table and placed in front of him. I saw him reach for them, probably with the intent of passing me one, and one to her. Then he stopped his movement and said, "I really have to stop doing that, and let her perform the service."

A valuable lesson.

Perhaps one of the most challenging lessons a responsible dominant must learn is that a submissive has a need to serve. It is at the heart of who she is. Even the smallest domestic tasks, can be a significant discipline for a well trained submissive. For example, when the coffee was brought to the table the girl ask permission to prepare it for him, and upon receiving it poured the cream and stirred in the sugar. A simple act, but I could see her radiating positive energy as she performed it.

Often, a responsible, but still new, dominant will do the task himself. He has probably been raised as a gentleman and it is almost second nature for him to hold open the door for her (as opposed to the other way around), or hold her chair, etc. But by doing so he misses out on an important opportunity for her to be allowed to express her submission in a socially acceptable manner. Since such opportunities are rare he must learn to take advantage of them.

The best way that this can be accomplished is through the assignment of disciplines. These act not only as a framework of behaviour, but also as a ongoing reminder of the nature of the relationship, and as a lovely bit of eroticisim. Every dominant should make it his business to assign some disciplines to his girl, even simple things like waiting for permission to eat, or sit at the table, etc. But, and this is the important part, once assigned it is the responsibility of the dominant to monitor their performance, and most importantly to give the girl the chance to perform them. IOW - if you tell a girl that she will prepare your coffee, don't go doing it for yourself! This confuses her and can lead to problems.

Another mistake new dominants make is assigning way too many disciplines. So many that they become impossible to monitor. Trust me, in this case less is often more. Pick a few to start with. Then after awhile if you want more layer them on, but always do so carefully and with an understanding that you, the dominant, have a role to play in this as well. Properly done, they are a wonderful way to maintain the integrity of a D/s relationship.

Plus, they are sexy as all get out.

Be seeing you,