Sunday, February 10, 2008

Where have all the dominants gone?

Greetings all,

Over the last 3 decades I have had the good fortune to interact with many wonderful submissive females. Unlike in the vanilla world where the stereotypical example is that of the male chasing the female, I have found that I have never had to actively seek out submissives, they have found me.

Beyond the relatively few women I have trained or mentored, I have had a chance to speak with quite a large number of submissives, mostly female, a few male. The most common complaint I have found among them is an inability to find a man who can provoke their submissive response. Some women have said that they find me unique in my ability to make them feel the full extent of their submission. I am not unique. I consider myself a fairly plain and simple sort of fellow.

Still, it does raise the issue of where are all the dominant males?

In the years that I ran my web site, which was intended to help D/s couples, I noticed that most of the people on the discussion forums were female submissive. I was disappointed that so few males chose to participate. Leaving me with the same question.

Could it be that dominant males don't have time for the Internet? Could it be that they have their hands full with their own submissives? Could it be that they feel they have nothing to learn and nothing to discuss? Or could it be that it is true that the ratio between dominant males and submissive females in the population as a whole is rather skewed?

I don't have the answers, but I really hope the answer to the last question is a resounding No.

My own feeling is that it may be a question of status. Male-male interaction has a great deal to do with status. Men prefer to be status-up with respect to those around them (My team is better than yours, My car is bigger than yours, etc). Obviously, when a man asks another man for help or advice that places him in a status-down position. Therefore, he will tend to avoid being placed in such situations.

Which may explain why the dominants did not participate at my web site, but does not explain why so many submissives have a problem finding a dominant to serve.

My current thinking is that it is a question of political correctness. Briefly, it is not PC to be a male dominant. Strangely, our society has also come to accept the femdom/malesub pairing. Their are professional dominatrix in almost every large city, and by all accounts they are kept pretty busy. OTOH - try to find a professional male dominant. Oh, there are some, but not many. Yet, a large majority of women claim that they enjoy being submissive, and in particular during sex, so one would think there would be a market for pro maledoms. What is preventing this from happening? I would suggest it is PC. IOW - it would be very hard for a male to explain that dominating a female, placing her on her knees, keeping her in her place, punishing her when it is required, etc, is something they feel inclined to do. Go ahead, trying saying it at a party or social gathering and see what happens. I have on many occasions. Most of the time people laugh at me (as in "You're kidding right?"). Then, when they get the sense I am serious they tend to drift away, though I should note that it is mostly the men who drift away, and some of the women. OTOH - quite a few women hang around to hear more of what I am talking about.

So, has our modern day society created an environment where men are reluctant to display their natural tendency to dominate? I would say yes.

Gentlemen, if you are out there, and you consider yourself dominant, let me know if you agree. I am looking for you. Trust me when I tell you, despite the mixed messages sent out by the media, there are many women out there who long to submit to your power. Leave a comment and let me know you exist.


Anonymous said...

Greetings all,
I had another thought on this today,
Perhaps as women gain more power in our society, our standards have generally gone up and we no longer will put up with mediocre Dominants! Only the best eh?

Pete said...

I agree that it is hard to find dominant men that truly understand who they are and their responsibilities. I have just recently accepted my dominance and have found many men that exhibit dominant characteristics but are misguided and/or not being honest with themselves.
Also, there are not many good role models for dominant men out there. There have been plenty of bad examples of dominant men who used their power irresponsibly.
There also seems to be a general feeling that it is ok to be a female dom, but that it is not "PC" to be a male dom.
It does not make sense and it is not the natural order.
I hope this page will bring more dominant men to the table to express there thoughts.
Be well,

Wolfos55 said...

Hello. First off, I have to say that I am young, and I am inexperienced. I'm 23 years old at the time of this writing, and have only been with a handful of girls, most of whom I have not slept with. So, keep that in mind as you read this. But, I identify myself as dominant in the bedroom, from what I have seen of myself in there. I'm fairly open about my preferences, and yes, everytime I've ever brought it up with even my best friends, I'm usually met with awkward laughter. I agree with Mr. Cross: I think men fear being men. We fear the power, fear the responsibility, and so we hide from it, leaving our women longing for more. We let what other people think of us shape our actions, and so we deny ourselves. It's pathetic, honestly. How can we learn what the right way is if no one is willing to show up?

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