Dimensions of submission

Greetings all,

In response to my last post one reader asked me to define the differences between submission and masochism.

While they are sometimes linked, they are very different things.

For me, healthy masochism is all about sexual arousal. The masochist seeks extreme sensations as pathway to pleasures that can not be achieved through any other means. I have had an opportunity though the years to speak to more than a few women who call themselves masochist and all speak of a state of arousal and satisfaction that is unique in their experience. And while there is no way to really measure the intensity of these things, what I can say is that having watched these women and compared their responses to those who are less inclined to seek the extreme, I believe that they do archive a very special and unique state.

Of course, all masochists are not equal. Some can handle a great deal more sensation than others. At one end you may have someone who can only deal with a light spanking, or a flogger on their rear end. At the other end are those who seek the extreme; piercings, sutures, brands, etc. IOW - they come in all sizes and flavours.

Since masochists are not all equal in what they seek, it therefore stands to reason that the sort of partner they seek out will be different as well. After all, if the girl is looking for pins to be stuck through her nipples, and the fellow is incapable of doing more than spanking her fanny, there will not be a good fit, eh?

Hold onto that thought for a moment, okay?

Unlike masochsim I consider submission to be more of an emotional/intellectual state of being. For a female to submit is for her to get on her knees and say to her partner - "Your will is now my will. Your desire is my will. I wish to serve you in all ways and I therefore offer myself to your command." This sort of thing is not really sexual in nature, though of course it does have significant sexual overtones. D/s is about power, energy flow, and the natural domination and submission that may exist between two people.

Why does a female submit to the male in such a manner? Good question. Good enough for another post at another time. For the moment just accept that this does in fact happen, and happen quite often, between individuals. Sometimes it is overt, as in a formal D/s relationship. Sometimes it is subtle, as in many traditional western marriages. Of course, not all women will submit to all men. Far from it. Earlier I have written about the idea of matching energies between the dominant and submissive, which I think explains why a woman will submit to one man, but not another.

Now, let us return to the masochist. As I said, at the extreme end there will be individuals who seek intense sensations. There are not too many men who are capable of creating such sensations, in a safe manner. In many instances a man may start, filled with bluster and ego, only to discover that the female is not begging him to stop. In fact, she is egging him on, demanding more. IOW - the relationship between the sadist and the masochist can easily become a contest of will, in which she dares him to push her, and will look down upon him if he can not. Sometimes, the masochist will say she is seeking the point where she submits to the sadist, but I do not consider it submission, rather I consider the point where she simply says, "Enough. I have had enough and can go no further. Please stop now."

What she is really saying is, "You win, and thank you, thank you, thank you."

To conclude, submission is the way in which a female (or male I suppose) will offer themselves in service to another. Masochism is a form of sexuality where sufficient sensation is required in order for the masochist to achieve the state of bliss they seek.

Different things, but related of course.

Be seeing you,

Mackenzie.