Greetings all,
Sooner or later any dominant who choses to live the lifestyle will have to deal with something I call submissive "push back." Push back occurs with a submissive believes she has been dealt with unfairly, or is being taken advantage of, or simply is angry over some matter having to do with her relationship to the dominant. How a dominant deals with push back speaks volume about his character.
Of course the easiest way to deal with the matter is to quickly, and forcibly put the girl in her place and not deal with the situation. A well-trained submissive has been taught how to obey, and so when she is told to no longer speak of a thing, or to leave it alone, she will. While this does make things more quiet, it certainly does not resolve anything.
IMO - it is probably better to find out what is going on. This is not always evident. Sometimes a fair amount of questioning may be required before one gets to the heart of the matter. However this is time well spent. As the submissive has a chance to express herself, both in terms of emotions and issues. This tends to defuse the emotions and also allows the dominant to get to the heart of the matter.
Once the matter is understood, the dominant faces a number of possible responses. The first will be to acknowledge the situation, but to make no changes. It is the nature of a D/s relationship that the submissive will not always be happy. Such is life. Hopefully, the matter will pass.
The second response will be to correct the situation. However a word of caution is in order. It is one thing to resolve a situation. It is quite another to cave in to demands. As a dominant, do not allow the negative emotions of your partner to sway your decision. Doing so will teach her than anger is a way to get what she wants.
The third option is to apologize. Many dominants feel uncomfortable doing this since they believe that the dominant is always right, infallible. They are concerned that saying they are sorry will erode their power. Nothing could be further from the truth. Dominants are human and so they will make mistakes. The mark of a responsible dominant is knowing when they should admit to their error.
Hopefully, you won't make too many errors, though.
Be seeing you,
Mackenzie.
Friday, February 8, 2008
When submissives push back
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3 comments:
Hello McKenzie *s,
IMHO You are at "the heart of being authentic":
A dominant in balance with himself, will absolutely have no problems making an appology when needed, I do agree.
The same for "changing his mind" as to what he is doing. We all make decisions, and from time to time, have to reconcider, i.e. undo, or chosing (!) to go back.
That is: it is not a not-dominant trait to undo/ change ones mind, in the contrary:
This is done by an authentic person in balance, who can adjust decisions.
Thankyou for your blog! *ss
Kind regards,
nekoko deli (from DK)
John Maynard Keynes - the founder of Keynesian Economics and frequently credited with being the man who came up with the way to end the Great Depression was once caught saying something in a talk that was different from what he had said previously in public.
When asked about this discrepancy he said, "Absolutely I said that then. And I'm saying this now. And yes, it's entirely different. That's because I found out that I was wrong and, being an intelligent man who found out he'd made a mistake, changed my mind. When I'm wrong, I do that. Why, do you do something else?"
The point, of course, is that even the most brilliant of people can still be wrong. The truly exemplary ones know that and act accordingly.
It's no different when apologizing to a sub or, for that matter, admitting to any mistake you've made. You cannot possibly improve yourself if you don't admit that you've been in error. And as to 'showing weakness' to a sub by apologizing when you find yourself in the wrong - far from it. You're showing not weakness, but strength and intelligence.
Any dolt can say "Shut up, wench!" It takes a man to say, "Yep, you're right I shouldn't have done that. I'm really sorry for being such an idiot and thanks for pointing it out so I can keep myself from being one next time."
At least, that's how I see it.
Be well,
Silver
Thank you for thiss
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