Monday, March 31, 2008

Odds and ends - Number 2

Greetings all,

I just had to put something down about D/s. Here are some quotes and excerpts from things I have written in the past.

"Developing ones submission is not about making yourself less. Its about making yourself more."

"One of the wonderful things about D/s is the power dynamic that occurs when a woman of strong character and solid self-esteem kneels to a man and submits. Taking submission from a weak female is a trivial (and somewhat immoral) thing in my opinion."

"Trust, is exposing a vulnerability. It means offering someone an opportunity to damage, or hurt, or gain power. The reason that it is done is as an indicator of the strength of the relationship, its maturity, and the fact that by exposing oneself to risk, there is the potential reward of intimacy and commitment."

Pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin. There is little difference between the two, beyond the bodies reaction.

"You can submit completely and not be loved. You can submit completely and not love. And sometimes, if you are lucky, you can submit and love and be loved."

The act of rape, is not about the sex, its about the state of mind. The same is true with arousal. It is not what is done, but how one is prepared."

Be seeing you,

And now for something different

Greetings all,

This post will not have very much to do with D/s. At least, I don't think it will.

Last night I asked my wife what percentage of all the people she knew were on the Internet. She made an estimate of about 98%, with only some people in her mother's generation not being online. The same night I asked when of my son's friends the same question (he is about 25 years old). He quickly, without hesitation, answered 100%. I would say that probably close to 100% of the people I know are online as well.

This struck me as rather amazing. In 1995, almost no one, except a few geeks and nerds, knew about the Internet. Today, just over slight a decade later, everyone is using it. This seems a remarkable transformation to me, and obviously has had a deep impact in all aspects of our lives.

Why are people so drawn to the Net? The trite, trivial answer might be erotica (which is there in plenty, including its less fancy, but rather wealthier cousin knows as porn) or the various online games and fantasies people play out, assuming all manner of strange and fantastic personna. Yet, it goes much deeper than that as well. We are not communnicating differently, shopping differently, and perhaps most importantly, we are living in a constant state of ongoing, incremental education. Every time one has a question, the answer can be found (more or less) on the Net. We become engrossed in a topic and can spend hours of our time lost in web page after web page on what ever has currently caught our interest. We use bookmarks to retain our memory, and uselists to interact with others who share a common interest, and even build our own sites to share whatever it is we feel like sharing.

People seem drawn to their computers, able to spend many many hours. My wife is by any measure a technophobe. She is fearful of technology, does not understand it, and has great difficulty learning even the most basic of skills. Yet, she is now married to her laptop. If I took it away from her, she would be distraught. It has become a principle tool in her life, like the telephone, the radio, and the television.

It seems to me that we are all collectively involved in a revolution. It is a revolution that will be as significant as the introduction of the printing press, the steam engine, the telephone, and the computer. We are fundamentally transforming the modality of human interaction, we are creating new virtual nations of individuals, who share something in common besides the country they live in. These new nations, in time, will learn that they have power, and will seek to use that power.

I think there will be interesting times. Someday, we will speak to our grandchildren, and say "I was there in the beginning. I saw it all start. I remember the before time when it wasn't there." How strange they shall find us.

Be seeing you.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Some Problems with Perfection

Greetings all,

A number of days ago one of my girls spoke of wanting to do something "perfectly" for me. This got me to thinking of some of the dangers in trying to be perfect. Here is what I wrote in reply:

The term "perfect" when applied to any task a submissive may perform for a dominant is of course very subjective. What he considers to be perfect, she may not. Or she may consider something to be perfect that he does not. Who is to decide? On the surface, the obvious answer would be the dominant. Yet, there are times when the girl must make her own decisions. For example, the dominant might say "Cook me a perfect meal." In trying to satisfy this command the girl will have to make decisions about what would constitute perfection, even though he will be the one who finally decides.

Another concern with a girl trying to achieve perfection is that it may block her ability to perform well. For example, consider the same task of being told to cook the perfect meal. Let us say that the girl is not sure of her ability to cook well. She struggles to cook the "perfect" meal, but keeps being dissatisfied with her efforts. She tries harder and harder, but nothing seems to come out right. The deadline to produce the meal is approaching and she has nothing she feels is worthy. She becomes frantic and begins to make many mistakes, which only lead to more and more stress. Finally he appears, ready for his perfect meal, only to find the kitchen in disarray, his girl dishevelled, no food on the table. To add to this his girl is all stressed out, in tears over her failure, etc. This hardly is what he wanted, eh?

How could such a situation have been prevented? What could she have done differently to make sure she was better equipped to deliver the perfect meal? These are legitimate questions that she must be somehow prepared to answser.

Yet, there is also another issue her than must be considered. Let us say that the girl was told to simply prepare a meal, rather than the perfect meal. She decides on her own that she will make the perfect meal and therefore spends a great deal of time and effort trying to do it. But this is not what he asked for. What he asked for was for her to simply prepare a meal. Perhaps he wished to evaluate her current abilities. Perhaps he did not wish her to devote to much time to this effort. Perhaps he only wanted a very simple meal, not a perfect one. Regardless of his reason, by choosing to make the meal "perfect" she has made certain assumptions that may not be correct.

In essence, by acting as she did, even with the best of intent, she has taken his choice away from him, and upon herself. This is contrary to the D/s dynamic and therefore will lead to problems. She has placed herself into a lose-lose situation.

It is very common for a newly awakened to want to be perfect. However, it is only the well experienced submissive that understands how difficult a thing this is, and the many pitfalls that stand in her way.

Be seeing you,

Monday, March 24, 2008

Third person form

Greetings all,

Many people have asked me why I insist on the use of third person form in all of the girls I mentor or train. I thought I would take a brief intermission from my notes on Submission and the Single Female to explain.

For those who are unfamiliar form perhaps a brief definition would be helpful. Third person form (TPF) requires that the speaker never use words such as "me," "I," "mine," etc, when speaking of themselves. Rather, they use third person pronouns (she, her, this one, etc) when they wish to perform a personal reference. For example, the phrase "I am happy I can be of service" would be transformed to "She is happy her service is found pleasing" or some variant. If the girl is named, she may also use her name to self-reference or another descriptor (this girl, this slave, this slut, etc).

A second, more formal and challenging, form of this discipline is requiring that the girl not be allowed to use second person familiar pronouns (you, yours, etc) when referencing her dominant partner. So the phrase "I am happy to be of service to you" would become "She is happy to be of service to her Master." I rarely require this second form from a girl, except on special occasions, or as an advanced training device, or as a punishment technique.

Most women tend to balk when first require to speak in TPF. They find it to be artificial, constraining, and de-personalizing. Too, since I tend to punish for any infractions of form it tends to make them less willing to speak at times, fearful that they will make a mistake. I have also spoken to a number of other dominants and have come to the conclusion that very few of them require this of their submissives, and in fact that quite a few of them to not care for the sound of it.

So, why do I insist on TPF from any girl who enters into a relationship with me? What follows are my reasons:

1) TPF is challenging. Using the form requires constant attention on the part of the speaker. This attention acts as an ongoing reminder of the girls nature (her submission), and her relationship to me.

2) TPF creates a new persona for the girl. Many newly awakened submissives find it difficult to reconcile their nature with how they have been conditioned to view themselves. TPF allows for the creation of a new persona who wholly accepts her nature. Of course, in time, this persona must be integrated, which is one of the tasks of the dominant.

3) TPF has an erotic component. When using the form the submissive is constantly reminded that she is under discipline to the dominant. This reinforcement is significant and powerful, particularly in the newly awakened submissive. Such a powerful reminder is often enough on its own to provoke the condition known as sub-fever. Even in the experienced submissive, using TPF will often invoke a sense of the erotic

4) TPF provides an ongoing discipline. A submissive requires structure, framework and rules to operate within. The most common way to achieve this is through the use of disciplines. The problem with most disciplines is that they generally do not take too much time to perform. For example, a dominant may require that the submissive wait for permission before eating. This is good, but would only happen three times a day. Another example might be the discipline if requiring the submissive to keep a daily journal. Again, this is an excellent device but at most would only consume a limited amount of time every day. OTOH, TPF is an ongoing discipline that may be used all day long.

5) TPF may be used in public. For example, when the couple is in a restaurant, or shopping, etc, TPF may be used. This allows for the dynamics of the D/s relationship to be maintained, even in locations where disciplines such as kneeling, obeisance, and other disciplines might be inappropriate.

6) TPF is an excellent training device for both the submissive and the dominant. While I have listed many of the benefits of this form for the submissive it should also be obvious that it has benefits for the dominant partner. It requires that he pays attention to the speech patterns of the submissive, correcting and/or punishing her as required. This attention will focus him more on the submissive, and therefore allow him to gain a better appreciation of the different ways in which she communicates with him. For the emerging dominant such opportunities should not be ignored.

7) I like hearing a girl speak in this form. I find it pleasing to my ear. Enough said.

Be seeing you,

Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Single Submissive - Part 2

Greetings all,

A previously described, there are three (or four) variants of the single submissive. In general, what tends to distinguish them is the amount and type of D/s relationship they have experienced. As such, the options that are available to them are also varied.

For the un-awakened submissive, the best advice I can give is to read and learn. The first, and in some ways most challenging, task will be to admit to their own submissive nature. The tendency is to fight this at every turn. There are many reasons for this resistance, but it is the rare girl indeed who can simply turn around one day and say, “I am submissive and I feel good about it.” Before anything else can be accomplished, this type of female will have to at least admit that she is interested in learning more, and appreciate that D/s relationships are much more involved than simply finding a conduit to hot sex.

For many women, the process of being awakened normally begins via the reading of erotica, watching pornographic movies, or having strong sexual fantasies of rape, kidnapping, etc. The fantasies all share a common element, the girl is not in control of the situation.

Until such time as the female can admit that her nature does not appear to be in alignment with acceptable “politically correct” norms, and senses a need to know more, then there is not much more to be done except to offer a word of caution. Even though she will not admit to her nature, this internal state will still motivate and impact her behaviours, attitudes, and interactions. She may make poor choices in her partners, find it difficult to achieve balance, and act in an impulsive manner when she should be prudent. The sooner she can admit to her nature, the sooner she can begin to learn how it has been affecting every aspect of her life.

The next category I indicated was the newly awakened submissive. This is a female who has recently had her submission provoked in such a profound and meaningful manner that it is no longer possible to ignore. While this often manifests as tremendous sexual desire (sometimes known as “sub-fever”) it can not be quelled by any amount of sex, either with a partner or self-pleasuring. In most cases, the submissive response has been provoked by a dominant individual (either male or female). The submissive will tend to gravitate to this individual, wanting to be near them, intoxicated by the intensity and richness of sensations she is feeling. It is interesting to note that the dominant individual may, or may not, be aware of the fact that they have provoked this response. Many dominants are unaware of the affect they have on certain individuals.

For myself, since my interest is mostly in the deeply submissive female (see my discussion on the D/s continuum for more information), the provoking of the response is deliberate. In almost all cases the deeply submissive female requires a great deal of matching energy before she senses her responses. Often this has been covered in layers and layers of physiological defences, to protect her from abuse.

However, regardless of how it is provoked, it is critical that the submissive recognize what is happened as soon as possible and take appropriate measures. There is no time, imo, when a female is in more danger than when she is provoked for the first time. When the sub-fever is hot upon her she stops thinking rationally, and will do anything, anything at all, in order to feel these sensations, and have her needs satisfied. If her choices are poor, she may find herself in situations where she could be at risk, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

As such, I strongly recommend that such a submissive needs a mentor or trainer to guide her through the early stages of her awakening. Such an individual might be her partner, perhaps someone found in the local BDSM community, or perhaps someone over the Internet. Where the person is found does not matter too much. What is important is that it be someone with experience, who knows what they are doing, and who can handle the tremendous emotional surges which the submissive is likely to experience. The best way to make sure that the right person has been found is to ask for references. Any competent trainer or mentor should be able to provide a number of references of other submissives he/she has worked with in the past.

My other advice, is for the submissive to use her own gut instinct. While her mind may not be working too well, held in the grip of sub-fever, her belly will still be able to warn her if something is amiss. IOW – if you meet a dominant who claims to be able to mentor you, and it doesn’t feel right, then don’t accept it at face value. Find out more.

Once she has been partnered with a mentor/trainer then there is not too much to be concerned about until the mentoring/training period is at an end. This can take anywhere from three months, to three years, depending on a number of variables.

What happens after that, will be the subject of my next blog entry.

Be seeing you,

Monday, March 17, 2008

The Single Submissive - Part 1

Greetings all,

So far in this blog I have focused on understanding the D/s relationship, on the development of the submissive and the dominant, and on some of techniques that can be used to maintain and develop the relationship between the partners in a D/s relationship.

But what of the single submissive female? Lacking any outlet for her need and desire to serve another, how is she to cope? What alternatives, if any, are available to her?

This is a significant issue. Sadly, in my experience, there are many more deeply submissive females in the population than responsible powerful dominants to whom they may partner. The consequences of this situation can often be a very challenging situation.

There are a couple of different single female submissive categories that may be considered.

1) The Un-awakened submissive - a girl with a submissive core, who is unaware of her nature, never having had it provoked. Such females may engage in a wide range of mal adaptive behaviours, not really aware of why they are doing it, as their submission seeks an outlet. Often, these behaviours will take the form of defence mechanisms, covering up their nature. They are often deeply fearful of the consequences if it was ever fully exposed. Some will take the positions of being "anti-men," some may develop obsessions, while others may become vitriolic in their attacks on the BDSM community. In many cases, there has often been an incident(s) in their past when they exposed part of their nature and were either abused, or had their trust taken advantage of in some manner.

2) The Experienced submissive - this girl has had one or more D/s relationships, knows what they are about, and wants to be in one again, but is unable to find a matching partner. Such girls are often despondent, knowing what they are missing, and frequently will question their self-worth. They will spend time on various matching web sites (such as but simply can not find a matching partner, which leads them to question what the problem might be.

3) The Newly Awakened submissive - this is a girl who has never been in a full time D/s relationship, but has now been made aware of her nature. Frequently, this is the sort of girl I will mentor or train. Having been awakened, she now seeks a full time relationship, but is having difficulty finding one

4) The Single/Married submissive - such a girl may be in any of the three categories above, but is also married. Unfortunately, her husband does not have the matching dominant energy she is seeking. So, even though she is married, from the perspective of a D/s relationship she is single.

All of these women share one thing in common, a deep need to serve, to offer their submission to another, and to feel the clean surge of energy that comes from a well balanced interaction with a dominant. Not having this available to them can lead to all manner of negativity. Therefore, it seems to me, that developing a set of skills that will allow them to express their submission, even if they do not have a partner, is critical to their overall balance and health.

This is what I will speak of in my next blog entry.

Be seeing you,

Friday, March 14, 2008

Yes and No

Someone reminded me today of something I had written a number of years back:

"The essence of the Submissive is to say - yes. The essence of the Dominant is to say - no."

What do I mean?

Submissive power and energy is used in service to another. The submissive never refuses a request or a command. Her answer is always - yes. Yes, I will do as I am told. Yes, I will trust you to look after me. Yes, I will be honest in all of our interactions.

The Dominant otoh expresses his power and energy through control and responsibility over himself, and another. The implication here is the ability to say - no. No, I will not lose control of myself. No, you will do as you are told. No, you do not have my permission.

While I am sure it is possible to rearrange these sentences to suit ones sense of semantics, I believe that the underlying sentiment is correct. The submissive, by definition, is under the control of the dominant. She offers her services, and her complete agreement in all things to him. No matter how hard he pushes her, she will do as he says. Of course if she ever feels the relationship has migrated into the zone of abuse, and that his requests have become impossible for her, she may choose to end the relationship, knowing full well that it will be the end. But under normal conditions she always say – yes. It may be uncomfortable, it may hurt, it may be distasteful, but she has no choice.

She does this, because she trusts her partner to control her (and himself) in a responsible manner, and to develop her wisely.

The Dominant finds rich satisfaction in the wielding of control power, and in developing his partner. He takes pride in her accomplishments, feels a certain vanity in showing her off, and is pleased by the services she offers to him. He enjoys the responsibility of caring for her, developing her, and protecting her. There is an intimate thrill in knowing how fully he controls her, and how she has placed everything, even her very life, into his hands.

Thus, both parties gain, yet both parties must provide input into the relationship. What they provide is very different, they are in no sense the same, yet without both of them taking care to provide the other with what they need the relationship is doomed to fail.

Of course, this brings up the question of the single submissive. What is a submissive to do, when she has no dominant to control her, provide her with a framework and structure, and regulate her behaviour?

That, I think, will be the topic of my next blog entry.

Be seeing you,

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Odds and ends - Number 1

Greetings all,

Lacking anything in particular that I felt like writing about today, I thought I would post a couple of excerpts from some of my recent, and not so recent, emails:

On some of the difficulty of being a married submissive, and wishing to have a D/s relationship outside of the marriage, even with the husband's permission:

... the problem with being
married and having a D/s relationship outside of the
marriage is sometimes the wishes of the husband are in
conflict with the wishes of the Dom. This places the
girl into a very difficult situation, because by
pleasing one, she will displease the other.

With respect to ways a submissive may serve beyond the sexual:

or lying at his feet. Massaging parts of his body.
Reading to him. Consider the way of the geisha. What
were the non-sexual things she did for her clients?
Think outside of the box. What does he like? What does
he enjoy? Could he use more time alone? Perhaps he
would like to try another woman?

On how to become pleasing to a new dominant partner:

The most important lesson is that each dominant is
different, and each will train you in their
requirements. Therefore, the most important thing a
submissive can learn is how to quickly learn and adapt
to a new dominant. She does this by not assuming
anything, by accepting that she will make errors, and
that she can not be pleasing until he has taught her
what she needs to know.

Of course, she comes to him understanding the basics
which all well developed submissives must know..
honesty, trust, obedience, respectful behaviour,
pleasing movements, etc. This is the foundation on
which he will build the framework and structure for

She also comes with a good understanding of the
difference between D/s and abuse. She must know how to
keep herself safe.
Be seeing you,

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Creativity and arousal

Greetings all,

Is there a link between creativity and arousal? Actually the name of this section was going to be called “Creativity and the c**t” but I decide to try and keep it a bit cleaner.

I think that on the surface one would have to say yes, there is mostly certainly a linkage. After all, lovers, poets, musicians, artists, etc, having been creating works of art for as long as there has been love (which is quite a long time). When asked what inspired them, all will refer to the muse of their lover as there source of motivation.

End of story?

Well, perhaps not. Since this blog is mostly interested in D/s as opposed to more mundane forms of relationships it seems only fair that I examine the question from the perspective of those who may be involved in a D/s relationship, or perhaps longing to be in one.

As a dominant, I can pretty much state categorically that my creativity has been sparked by those females who I have had an opportunity to share some time with, in either a formal relationship or even in an occasional informal session. I find that I am always trying to come up with new ideas to keep things fresh and exciting. Curiously, different women affect me different ways. By this I mean that I rarely will use the techniques I develop for one submissive, on another. Sure, there are certain standard things that I would tend to try on all of them, but once I understand their needs better I tend to want to tailor what I do as more of a custom fit. One size does not fit all.

Also, I have noticed that the videos of famous sadist such as pd from Insex fame show amazing originality. The fellow has worked hundreds of models and yet he found something new to do with each one. Clearly, his creativity was sparked by his arousal to place these women under his hand.

But what about the submissive female? Would the same thing apply to her? After all, she is not the one who designs the scenes, builds the equipment, or decides what is going to happen to her? How can she be creative?

I would submit that her arousal can spark her to great creativity. It may come out as an artistic endevour, such as writing or painting. But it may also come out as finding new ways to please her dominant partner. Once she learns enough about him to judge how he will react, the well-developed submissive seeks new ways to be pleasing. She may modify her behavior a bit in a way that she hopes he will find more attractive. She may perform certain chores, even before he has requested them, in an attempt to create a more pleasing environment for him. She will start seeking new ways to comport herself, to present herself, in her dress, her makeup, etc. I have known girls to spend hours posing in front of a mirror, trying on different outfits, seeing what works and what does not. Vanity? Not at all. Rather the legitimate attempt at being more creative and by doing so, being more pleasing.

Of course, sometimes she makes a mistake. Sometimes she does something, with the best of intent, only to discover (too late) that it did not please him at all, quite the opposite. So there is always a danger of error, and possibly punishment as well. But the well-developed submissive accepts this as part of the ongoing process of becoming better suited to satisfying her partners needs. There is nothing wrong with occasional error. Not learning from ones mistakes is a problem.

So yes, I think there is a link between arousal and creativity, and further I think it has special significance inside the D/s lifestyle relationship.

Now go out there and get creative.

Be seeing you,

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Anger and arousal

Greetings all,

A girl wrote to me yesterday. She was angry at her dominant partner. It seems that she had been very aroused and when she expressed her need to him, while he was on the phone, he told her to go to the bedroom and perform a discipline which she didn’t care for in the least. She ended up being very angry at him, saying that the mood had been destroyed, and wrote to me asking if I could help clarify what had just happened.

I told her that her focus should be on pleasing him, not on her own arousal. The important thing, at least from my perspective, was she obeyed, even though she was upset. To my way of thinking this is one of the marks of a well-developed submissive, the ability to do as they are told, even when their emotions may run counter to such behavior. I also told her that in point of fact her arousal had not been lost. There is often a close relationship between anger and arousal. She didn’t understand this last point and asked for clarification. I told her I would do so in today’s blog entry.

To my way of thinking there are a number of connection points between anger and arousal. Frequently, when I train a girl, I will often sexually tease her for extended periods of time, sometimes bringing her to the brink of release numerous times, but not allowing the actual orgasm to occur. Normally, I prefer to the girl bound when I do this since it prevents her from touching herself, keeps her feeling helpless, and can increase the sense of sexual frustration. Why I do this is not important (but perhaps might be a worthwhile subject for another blog entry). What is important is that the female will often respond by becoming very angry with me. So much so, that I am convinced that if they were not in bondage they would probably attack me.

However, no matter how angry they become, they can not deny their arousal when I choose to stimulate them again. IOW – much as they might try to remain angry with me, using their anger as a shield against my attempt to arouse them, they can not. To my way of thinking, what they are doing is taking all of the raw energy and power of their arousal and converting it into anger, so they can have some way of releasing some of the tension of the moment. This works, up to a point, but they are still very needy for sexual release. So, when the stimulation begins again, they naturally flow back into their arousal.

It is perhaps not surprising to note that some very powerful releases can result from this sort of handling.

Which is why I do not worry too much when I see a heated female suddenly become angry because she is unhappy with how I have treated her. I know that it is only a moment’s work to convert all of that energy back into arousal. Besides, many women are indeed beautiful when they are lost in the grip of their anger. Like with intense arousal, they tend to lose self-control, and become the primal beasts they are capable of becoming.

But, to be on the safe side, they really should be bound.

Now of course, not all anger falls into this category. There are many instances when a submissive will feel a legitimate anger towards her partner that has nothing at all to do with arousal. Perhaps it has to do with feelings of abuse, perhaps with rules not being properly monitored, perhaps they have a grievance to which their dominant is not paying attention. This form of anger can not be handled through techniques of stimulation and arousal.

How can you tell the difference? Good question. All I can say is that, in my experience, the arousal/anger is hot while the legitimate anger is cold. One results in the loss of control, while the other often results in feelings of withdrawal and distance.

I am sure you will figure it out. If you can’t drop me a note. I’ll be happy to come by (with my ropes) and help you figure it out.

Be seeing you,

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Sex and Submission

Greetings all,

What is the relationship between sex and submission? Are they always intertwined? Is submission nothing more than sex with leather and whips? Or is there something more to it?

Over the last thirty years or so I have had the opportunity to be involved with more than a few submissive females. Often, these women have never had a relationship with a dominant male before and they are frequently astounded by the amount of sexual energy they feel, in particular at the beginning of the relationship.

In a previous blog entry I wrote about provoking the submissive response. One of the things I did not speak about was the intense amount of arousal the newly awakened submissive usual feels. The expression "sub fever" is often used. A female may walk around for days in a constant state of arousal, always wet, always needy. This does not seem to be age related. Rather it has to do with their experience in being with other dominant males. If this is their first experience, it will be rather overpowering. With women who have had previous experience the feeling is there, but often more tempered. Curiously, while all newly provoked women identify what they are feeling as being a strong sexual urge, no amount of sex seems able to satisfy their cravings. They will masturbate for hours, or have sex with their partner, or even spend days at a time watching all manner of erotica, yet nothing seems to satisfy this deep need.

Is sub fever sexual? Of course it is, but it is more than that as well. What these newly provoked females are really after is there first opportunity to serve a dominant male. Frequently they will focus on sexual service, but this is mostly because they are naive and do not understand all of the dimensions of a D/s relationship. Sometimes, these women are surprised not only with the intensity of the sexual feeling, but also with the extreme fantasies they begin to have, which often include rough sex with multiple partners, bondage, kidnapping fantasies, not to mention being treated like a pet, scenes of humiliation, etc. Often they will be reluctant to share these thoughts with anyone fearful of being embarrassed or shamed by them. IOW - when their submission is provoked, not only are they in heat, but their imagination starts taking them into directions that seem opposed to everything sexual they have ever done in the past.

Strange? Not really.

To my way of thinking, what these women are experiencing transcends simple sexual arousal. What they are really feeling is the driving need to submit to another. Sex is the easiest way this can be manifested and so the first one they tend to think about. The fantasies all have a common theme, a desire to be under the control and domination of another. Of course these scenes are sexual, these females have not yet been trained in all the ways they can express their submission in non-sexual ways. For example, I know well-trained girls who are quite content, deeply satisfied, simply to kneel or lie at their partner's feet, wanting nothing more than the moment to express their submission. Of course, the newly provoked girl does not understand this yet.

In a future post I will probably explore why I think sex is so much better in a healthy balanced D/s relationship, but for the moment I think it is important to remember that while the two words are often used together, they really are not the same thing at all. The newly awakened submissive burns with a need to serve, but the only way she knows how is via sex. The task of her trainer, is to teach her the other ways this need can be satisfied.

Be seeing you,

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