Sex and Submission

Greetings all,

What is the relationship between sex and submission? Are they always intertwined? Is submission nothing more than sex with leather and whips? Or is there something more to it?

Over the last thirty years or so I have had the opportunity to be involved with more than a few submissive females. Often, these women have never had a relationship with a dominant male before and they are frequently astounded by the amount of sexual energy they feel, in particular at the beginning of the relationship.

In a previous blog entry I wrote about provoking the submissive response. One of the things I did not speak about was the intense amount of arousal the newly awakened submissive usual feels. The expression "sub fever" is often used. A female may walk around for days in a constant state of arousal, always wet, always needy. This does not seem to be age related. Rather it has to do with their experience in being with other dominant males. If this is their first experience, it will be rather overpowering. With women who have had previous experience the feeling is there, but often more tempered. Curiously, while all newly provoked women identify what they are feeling as being a strong sexual urge, no amount of sex seems able to satisfy their cravings. They will masturbate for hours, or have sex with their partner, or even spend days at a time watching all manner of erotica, yet nothing seems to satisfy this deep need.

Is sub fever sexual? Of course it is, but it is more than that as well. What these newly provoked females are really after is there first opportunity to serve a dominant male. Frequently they will focus on sexual service, but this is mostly because they are naive and do not understand all of the dimensions of a D/s relationship. Sometimes, these women are surprised not only with the intensity of the sexual feeling, but also with the extreme fantasies they begin to have, which often include rough sex with multiple partners, bondage, kidnapping fantasies, not to mention being treated like a pet, scenes of humiliation, etc. Often they will be reluctant to share these thoughts with anyone fearful of being embarrassed or shamed by them. IOW - when their submission is provoked, not only are they in heat, but their imagination starts taking them into directions that seem opposed to everything sexual they have ever done in the past.

Strange? Not really.

To my way of thinking, what these women are experiencing transcends simple sexual arousal. What they are really feeling is the driving need to submit to another. Sex is the easiest way this can be manifested and so the first one they tend to think about. The fantasies all have a common theme, a desire to be under the control and domination of another. Of course these scenes are sexual, these females have not yet been trained in all the ways they can express their submission in non-sexual ways. For example, I know well-trained girls who are quite content, deeply satisfied, simply to kneel or lie at their partner's feet, wanting nothing more than the moment to express their submission. Of course, the newly provoked girl does not understand this yet.

In a future post I will probably explore why I think sex is so much better in a healthy balanced D/s relationship, but for the moment I think it is important to remember that while the two words are often used together, they really are not the same thing at all. The newly awakened submissive burns with a need to serve, but the only way she knows how is via sex. The task of her trainer, is to teach her the other ways this need can be satisfied.

Be seeing you,