Greetings all,
A number of days ago one of my girls spoke of wanting to do something "perfectly" for me. This got me to thinking of some of the dangers in trying to be perfect. Here is what I wrote in reply:
The term "perfect" when applied to any task a submissive may perform for a dominant is of course very subjective. What he considers to be perfect, she may not. Or she may consider something to be perfect that he does not. Who is to decide? On the surface, the obvious answer would be the dominant. Yet, there are times when the girl must make her own decisions. For example, the dominant might say "Cook me a perfect meal." In trying to satisfy this command the girl will have to make decisions about what would constitute perfection, even though he will be the one who finally decides.
Another concern with a girl trying to achieve perfection is that it may block her ability to perform well. For example, consider the same task of being told to cook the perfect meal. Let us say that the girl is not sure of her ability to cook well. She struggles to cook the "perfect" meal, but keeps being dissatisfied with her efforts. She tries harder and harder, but nothing seems to come out right. The deadline to produce the meal is approaching and she has nothing she feels is worthy. She becomes frantic and begins to make many mistakes, which only lead to more and more stress. Finally he appears, ready for his perfect meal, only to find the kitchen in disarray, his girl dishevelled, no food on the table. To add to this his girl is all stressed out, in tears over her failure, etc. This hardly is what he wanted, eh?
How could such a situation have been prevented? What could she have done differently to make sure she was better equipped to deliver the perfect meal? These are legitimate questions that she must be somehow prepared to answser.
Yet, there is also another issue her than must be considered. Let us say that the girl was told to simply prepare a meal, rather than the perfect meal. She decides on her own that she will make the perfect meal and therefore spends a great deal of time and effort trying to do it. But this is not what he asked for. What he asked for was for her to simply prepare a meal. Perhaps he wished to evaluate her current abilities. Perhaps he did not wish her to devote to much time to this effort. Perhaps he only wanted a very simple meal, not a perfect one. Regardless of his reason, by choosing to make the meal "perfect" she has made certain assumptions that may not be correct.
In essence, by acting as she did, even with the best of intent, she has taken his choice away from him, and upon herself. This is contrary to the D/s dynamic and therefore will lead to problems. She has placed herself into a lose-lose situation.
It is very common for a newly awakened to want to be perfect. However, it is only the well experienced submissive that understands how difficult a thing this is, and the many pitfalls that stand in her way.
Be seeing you,
2 comments:
greetings, Mr. Cross..
Long ago, I (reluctantly) came to understand that perfection is not a virtue. It keeps us from trying new things or moving forward until [whatever] is perfect. It stifles imagination and originality. And, as you described, who is the final judge of that perfection?
It is in a submissive's nature to want to be pleasing, to want to be perfect, to obtain positive feedback for our efforts, but perfection is so subjective that I wonder if striving for it is really best for our development. If, for example, my boss tells me he is pleased with my work, but I know I can (should) do better and allow those thoughts to persist, eventually, the positive feedback no longer has real meaning. It can be confusing when one's perceptions of perfection outweigh the perceptions of the ones they are trying please.
That is not to say that we should not always strive for improvement. Just that there is a fine line between continuous improvement and perfection that must be guarded against.
Here's something that has always puzzled me. How can one teach a perfectionist that "good enough" is good enough?
A recovering perfectionist,
amber
Greetings amber,
An interesting question. How can a perfectionist learn when enough is enough?
It is not enough for the dominant partner to say that something is good enough, if in the heart of the submissive there is a sense that more could be done.
In the end, all I can suggest is that the submissive focus on her primary concern, which is to be pleasing, not perfect. When her dominant say she has been pleasing, then it makes no sense for her to continue trying to improve something. If she does, she risks being displeasing.
For the submissive, staying on focus with being pleasing may be the right answer. For those who are perfectionists, and not submissive, I have no answer.
Be seeing you,
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