The Single Submissive - Part 1

Greetings all,

So far in this blog I have focused on understanding the D/s relationship, on the development of the submissive and the dominant, and on some of techniques that can be used to maintain and develop the relationship between the partners in a D/s relationship.

But what of the single submissive female? Lacking any outlet for her need and desire to serve another, how is she to cope? What alternatives, if any, are available to her?

This is a significant issue. Sadly, in my experience, there are many more deeply submissive females in the population than responsible powerful dominants to whom they may partner. The consequences of this situation can often be a very challenging situation.

There are a couple of different single female submissive categories that may be considered.

1) The Un-awakened submissive - a girl with a submissive core, who is unaware of her nature, never having had it provoked. Such females may engage in a wide range of mal adaptive behaviours, not really aware of why they are doing it, as their submission seeks an outlet. Often, these behaviours will take the form of defence mechanisms, covering up their nature. They are often deeply fearful of the consequences if it was ever fully exposed. Some will take the positions of being "anti-men," some may develop obsessions, while others may become vitriolic in their attacks on the BDSM community. In many cases, there has often been an incident(s) in their past when they exposed part of their nature and were either abused, or had their trust taken advantage of in some manner.

2) The Experienced submissive - this girl has had one or more D/s relationships, knows what they are about, and wants to be in one again, but is unable to find a matching partner. Such girls are often despondent, knowing what they are missing, and frequently will question their self-worth. They will spend time on various matching web sites (such as alt.com) but simply can not find a matching partner, which leads them to question what the problem might be.

3) The Newly Awakened submissive - this is a girl who has never been in a full time D/s relationship, but has now been made aware of her nature. Frequently, this is the sort of girl I will mentor or train. Having been awakened, she now seeks a full time relationship, but is having difficulty finding one

4) The Single/Married submissive - such a girl may be in any of the three categories above, but is also married. Unfortunately, her husband does not have the matching dominant energy she is seeking. So, even though she is married, from the perspective of a D/s relationship she is single.

All of these women share one thing in common, a deep need to serve, to offer their submission to another, and to feel the clean surge of energy that comes from a well balanced interaction with a dominant. Not having this available to them can lead to all manner of negativity. Therefore, it seems to me, that developing a set of skills that will allow them to express their submission, even if they do not have a partner, is critical to their overall balance and health.

This is what I will speak of in my next blog entry.

Be seeing you,