The Single Submissive - Part 2

Greetings all,

A previously described, there are three (or four) variants of the single submissive. In general, what tends to distinguish them is the amount and type of D/s relationship they have experienced. As such, the options that are available to them are also varied.

For the un-awakened submissive, the best advice I can give is to read and learn. The first, and in some ways most challenging, task will be to admit to their own submissive nature. The tendency is to fight this at every turn. There are many reasons for this resistance, but it is the rare girl indeed who can simply turn around one day and say, “I am submissive and I feel good about it.” Before anything else can be accomplished, this type of female will have to at least admit that she is interested in learning more, and appreciate that D/s relationships are much more involved than simply finding a conduit to hot sex.

For many women, the process of being awakened normally begins via the reading of erotica, watching pornographic movies, or having strong sexual fantasies of rape, kidnapping, etc. The fantasies all share a common element, the girl is not in control of the situation.

Until such time as the female can admit that her nature does not appear to be in alignment with acceptable “politically correct” norms, and senses a need to know more, then there is not much more to be done except to offer a word of caution. Even though she will not admit to her nature, this internal state will still motivate and impact her behaviours, attitudes, and interactions. She may make poor choices in her partners, find it difficult to achieve balance, and act in an impulsive manner when she should be prudent. The sooner she can admit to her nature, the sooner she can begin to learn how it has been affecting every aspect of her life.

The next category I indicated was the newly awakened submissive. This is a female who has recently had her submission provoked in such a profound and meaningful manner that it is no longer possible to ignore. While this often manifests as tremendous sexual desire (sometimes known as “sub-fever”) it can not be quelled by any amount of sex, either with a partner or self-pleasuring. In most cases, the submissive response has been provoked by a dominant individual (either male or female). The submissive will tend to gravitate to this individual, wanting to be near them, intoxicated by the intensity and richness of sensations she is feeling. It is interesting to note that the dominant individual may, or may not, be aware of the fact that they have provoked this response. Many dominants are unaware of the affect they have on certain individuals.

For myself, since my interest is mostly in the deeply submissive female (see my discussion on the D/s continuum for more information), the provoking of the response is deliberate. In almost all cases the deeply submissive female requires a great deal of matching energy before she senses her responses. Often this has been covered in layers and layers of physiological defences, to protect her from abuse.

However, regardless of how it is provoked, it is critical that the submissive recognize what is happened as soon as possible and take appropriate measures. There is no time, imo, when a female is in more danger than when she is provoked for the first time. When the sub-fever is hot upon her she stops thinking rationally, and will do anything, anything at all, in order to feel these sensations, and have her needs satisfied. If her choices are poor, she may find herself in situations where she could be at risk, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

As such, I strongly recommend that such a submissive needs a mentor or trainer to guide her through the early stages of her awakening. Such an individual might be her partner, perhaps someone found in the local BDSM community, or perhaps someone over the Internet. Where the person is found does not matter too much. What is important is that it be someone with experience, who knows what they are doing, and who can handle the tremendous emotional surges which the submissive is likely to experience. The best way to make sure that the right person has been found is to ask for references. Any competent trainer or mentor should be able to provide a number of references of other submissives he/she has worked with in the past.

My other advice, is for the submissive to use her own gut instinct. While her mind may not be working too well, held in the grip of sub-fever, her belly will still be able to warn her if something is amiss. IOW – if you meet a dominant who claims to be able to mentor you, and it doesn’t feel right, then don’t accept it at face value. Find out more.

Once she has been partnered with a mentor/trainer then there is not too much to be concerned about until the mentoring/training period is at an end. This can take anywhere from three months, to three years, depending on a number of variables.

What happens after that, will be the subject of my next blog entry.

Be seeing you,