Yes and No

Someone reminded me today of something I had written a number of years back:

"The essence of the Submissive is to say - yes. The essence of the Dominant is to say - no."

What do I mean?

Submissive power and energy is used in service to another. The submissive never refuses a request or a command. Her answer is always - yes. Yes, I will do as I am told. Yes, I will trust you to look after me. Yes, I will be honest in all of our interactions.

The Dominant otoh expresses his power and energy through control and responsibility over himself, and another. The implication here is the ability to say - no. No, I will not lose control of myself. No, you will do as you are told. No, you do not have my permission.

While I am sure it is possible to rearrange these sentences to suit ones sense of semantics, I believe that the underlying sentiment is correct. The submissive, by definition, is under the control of the dominant. She offers her services, and her complete agreement in all things to him. No matter how hard he pushes her, she will do as he says. Of course if she ever feels the relationship has migrated into the zone of abuse, and that his requests have become impossible for her, she may choose to end the relationship, knowing full well that it will be the end. But under normal conditions she always say – yes. It may be uncomfortable, it may hurt, it may be distasteful, but she has no choice.

She does this, because she trusts her partner to control her (and himself) in a responsible manner, and to develop her wisely.

The Dominant finds rich satisfaction in the wielding of control power, and in developing his partner. He takes pride in her accomplishments, feels a certain vanity in showing her off, and is pleased by the services she offers to him. He enjoys the responsibility of caring for her, developing her, and protecting her. There is an intimate thrill in knowing how fully he controls her, and how she has placed everything, even her very life, into his hands.

Thus, both parties gain, yet both parties must provide input into the relationship. What they provide is very different, they are in no sense the same, yet without both of them taking care to provide the other with what they need the relationship is doomed to fail.

Of course, this brings up the question of the single submissive. What is a submissive to do, when she has no dominant to control her, provide her with a framework and structure, and regulate her behaviour?

That, I think, will be the topic of my next blog entry.

Be seeing you,