Friday, August 21, 2009

I will take a sabbatical

Greetings all,

For a variety of personal reasons I have decided to take a sabbatical, for an indefinite period of time, from my public online activities. This includes my posting to various forums and sites, as well as my own blog. I require some time away from the online world to consider the various options that are in front of me.

I will still reply to all private messages and emails. I will also continue to maintain this blog, for those who may wish to read some of its contents.

I would like to extend my thanks to all of you who have read, and commented, on my posts here. I hope your own journeys find their way to your balance.


Be seeing you,

Mackenzie Cross

Monday, August 10, 2009


Here is an excerpt from another email I received.

" you wish to address the transitions that take place in D/s relationships as we age?.."

I must admit that this a topic that has been on my mind in the last little while. Although I still can't say I have any definite opinions, certain things seem obvious to me.

Physicality - despite our best attempts, it is the nature of our bodies to age. As they age, they change, and not always for the better. This may be a challenge for a female submissive in the sense that they may define part of the desirability because of the way they look. This lower self-image might manifest itself in the D/s dynamic. For the male Dominant the issue is less about the way they look, and more about the way they feel. Lower levels of testosterone may mean lower sex drive, and less of a desire to control and dominate.

Capabilities: Things that were once easy when we are young, become a challenge as we age. Kneeling is a good example! But so is driving, making decisions, playing safely, etc. So, rituals and disciplines that were once easy to perform, may become impossible.

Development: As we age, we mature. As we mature, we may look at things differently. Not to mention that, as the saying goes, shit happens. Events change us, we do not remain static. IMO - while one's nature is one's nature, the way we project it, protect it, promote it, may vary over time. This can be a challenge if one partner is going through a transformation, and the other is not. A long term D/s relationship must be able to adapt to these changes.

Spirituality: I would like to believe that long-term D/s relationships continue to grow in the quality of spirit. A special balance is achieved which is seen in the happiness and contentment of the parties involved. It is the nature of D/s to be intimate, More so I think than vanilla marriages. I feel that a D/s couple who have been together for many years share a perfect understanding with each other, and celebrate this in everything they do.

Illness: A terrible word yet a reality that many couples may face. A significant challenge if it is the Submissive who is not well, and cannot serve her Dominant according to her need. I have no simple answer.

Trauma: And by this I do not mean physical, but rather emotional. People make mistakes. Sometimes they are rather large mistakes, and the consequence is that one party hurts the other causing an emotional crisis. This could manifest as a depression, or with drawl, or anger, or whatever. The trauma I speak of is the breaking of trust. I do not know if a D/s relationship can survive this sort of thing. IMO - it would take a great deal of love.

Anyway, that's what came off the top of my head.

Be seeing you,

Dealing with the Busy Dominant

Greetings all,

It has been some time since my last entry. In part I have been occupied by summer in the country and its various projects and pleasures. In part, other things have been on my mind.

Everything has a season, I suppose.

IAE - I have received some questions via email over the last month and I have some free time so here I am.

Here is one of the questions:

A thought that has occurred to me lately is, what does the submissive do when her dominant is too busy and distracted with other (business) matters? I know the short answer is that she waits patiently for the situation to resolve itself. But, what does that waiting look like? How can she best manage that time without becoming sad, needy or difficult for him? Checking in with a submissive regularly, even briefly, if important, I think, as is having some sort of ritual whereby she can still feel some connection. Follow through is also important, I think, but perhaps he is even too busy for that. So, how does she manage this situation, a situation which could last weeks or even months at a time, best?

Someone once said to me - All things good come to those who wait. I sometimes feel that I have spent a good part of my life trying to learn what that expression means.

I would not counsel a submissive to "wait patiently". Rather, I would tell her to spend the time in practical pursuits with the intention of making herself even more pleasing to her Dominant partner.

By not micro-managing her daily routines the Dominant is in effect saying that he trusts her to manage her own time well. She should be grateful for his trust in her, and eager to prove that this trust has not been misplaced. He is also saying that he trusts her to invest her free time in ways that will enhance her desirability and value to him.

By using her time wisely, she will become more pleasing to him. Perhaps he may even find tiny slots of time in his schedule to show his appreciation in the manner in which a Dominant may appreciate a Submissive.

In summary, become his perfection.

Be seeing you,

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