Anger and arousal

Greetings all,

A girl wrote to me yesterday. She was angry at her dominant partner. It seems that she had been very aroused and when she expressed her need to him, while he was on the phone, he told her to go to the bedroom and perform a discipline which she didn’t care for in the least. She ended up being very angry at him, saying that the mood had been destroyed, and wrote to me asking if I could help clarify what had just happened.

I told her that her focus should be on pleasing him, not on her own arousal. The important thing, at least from my perspective, was she obeyed, even though she was upset. To my way of thinking this is one of the marks of a well-developed submissive, the ability to do as they are told, even when their emotions may run counter to such behavior. I also told her that in point of fact her arousal had not been lost. There is often a close relationship between anger and arousal. She didn’t understand this last point and asked for clarification. I told her I would do so in today’s blog entry.

To my way of thinking there are a number of connection points between anger and arousal. Frequently, when I train a girl, I will often sexually tease her for extended periods of time, sometimes bringing her to the brink of release numerous times, but not allowing the actual orgasm to occur. Normally, I prefer to the girl bound when I do this since it prevents her from touching herself, keeps her feeling helpless, and can increase the sense of sexual frustration. Why I do this is not important (but perhaps might be a worthwhile subject for another blog entry). What is important is that the female will often respond by becoming very angry with me. So much so, that I am convinced that if they were not in bondage they would probably attack me.

However, no matter how angry they become, they can not deny their arousal when I choose to stimulate them again. IOW – much as they might try to remain angry with me, using their anger as a shield against my attempt to arouse them, they can not. To my way of thinking, what they are doing is taking all of the raw energy and power of their arousal and converting it into anger, so they can have some way of releasing some of the tension of the moment. This works, up to a point, but they are still very needy for sexual release. So, when the stimulation begins again, they naturally flow back into their arousal.

It is perhaps not surprising to note that some very powerful releases can result from this sort of handling.

Which is why I do not worry too much when I see a heated female suddenly become angry because she is unhappy with how I have treated her. I know that it is only a moment’s work to convert all of that energy back into arousal. Besides, many women are indeed beautiful when they are lost in the grip of their anger. Like with intense arousal, they tend to lose self-control, and become the primal beasts they are capable of becoming.

But, to be on the safe side, they really should be bound.

Now of course, not all anger falls into this category. There are many instances when a submissive will feel a legitimate anger towards her partner that has nothing at all to do with arousal. Perhaps it has to do with feelings of abuse, perhaps with rules not being properly monitored, perhaps they have a grievance to which their dominant is not paying attention. This form of anger can not be handled through techniques of stimulation and arousal.

How can you tell the difference? Good question. All I can say is that, in my experience, the arousal/anger is hot while the legitimate anger is cold. One results in the loss of control, while the other often results in feelings of withdrawal and distance.

I am sure you will figure it out. If you can’t drop me a note. I’ll be happy to come by (with my ropes) and help you figure it out.

Be seeing you,