On the nature of punishment - Part 3

Greetings all,

NB: This is the final section of this essay

Forms of punishment

The variety of punishments is almost limitless, and is only bound by the creativity of the dominant. I will not go into a lengthy detailing of all possible options, but restrict my comments to a few guiding principles.

If we remember the definition, a punishment is only valid if it invokes a penalty or suffering on the part of the submissive. Otherwise it is meaningless.

The most common form of punishment is the infliction of physical trauma. These may manifest from the simple to the complex, from spankings to mutilations. Yet, there is nothing that requires the application of physical pain in order to satisfy the requirements of a punishment.

As stated earlier, the masochistic submissive often desires physical pain. Even submissives who profess no masochistic nature will sometimes speak of how much they enjoyed a flogging or spanking, of how it transports them to their ‘submissive space’. As well, some dominants, who are also sadists, may be overly anxious to find “mistakes” in their submissives behaviour so they may have an excuse to “punish”.

But when you give someone a thing that causes pleasure, then by definition, it cannot be a punishment. It is a reward. Hence the stereotypical “Oh Big Daddy! I’ve been such a bad girl. I deserve to be spanked. Punish me.” This type of behaviour typically ends in sex and hence is even more of a reward.

Clearly, this has little to do with punishment. This is play. To use this as a form of punishment only reinforces the negative behaviour. In addition, it will undermine the power relationship between the dominant and the submissive. When the submissive wants attention she will simply break a rule and wait for the desired response. This puts power in the hands of the submissive where it does not belong and will ultimately lead to dissatisfaction in the submissive and failure of the relationship.

By which we may conclude that using physical trauma as a punishment for a masochistic submissive is not recommended. For the neutral (non masochistic) submissive a beating of one form or another is acceptable under certain circumstances. But care must be taken to remember that punishment has nothing to do with sex, and to conclude a physical punishment session with sex is counter-productive to the purpose of punishments.

Dominants who reach for the whip for every infraction are not acting in a responsible manner. Not only does it indicate a lack of imagination on the part of the dominant, but if there is only one form of punishment for all infractions, then the submissive has no way of evaluating the criticality of the task. The intensity of the punishment must bear some relationship to the importance of the discipline or rule that was broken.

In my training, I have attempted to always fit the punishment to the failure. A classical technique is reversal. For example, if a submissive failed to follow a discipline of third-person speech then the punishment might be to have them speak in first person for some period of time. Every time they opened their mouth, they would be reminded of their failure. Another example, perhaps a submissive did not serve a meal correctly. The punishment might be forbidding them to serve any meal for a period of time. Watching their dominant serving himself would be punishment enough.

Some infractions are more serious and will require significant punishment. For example, failure to provide proper service to a guest. This reflects badly on the dominant. Punishment for such failure will involve more than a whipping. It may entail confinement, denial of service, and even re-training. In this manner she is made aware of what is critical to her dominant.

Begging for Punishment

Begging is its own topic. It may be performed at many times, and is not strictly reserved for punishment. Still, no discussion on this topic would be complete without at least a cursory examination of begging.

It is a confusing topic. As mentioned, frequently a masochistic submissive will beg to be punished. But this is really an invitation. Sometimes, begging is nothing more than ego gratification on the part of the dominant. For example, girls are often told to say things like “I beg to swallow your come Master” or the always popular “Please Master, I’m begging you to fuck me in the ass”. Sometimes it is used to communicate desire. Girls are frequently told that they have to beg before they are allowed to orgasm. However, in this paper I will focus on the act of begging as part of the process of punishment and forgiveness.

Further confusing the subject is the enormous variety of activities associated with the act of begging. The number of known rituals and postures for begging is beyond count. Very quickly one learns that there is no single “true” way for a girl to beg. Still, while the techniques of begging are as varied as the number of dominants and submissives, the value of this process to the D/s relationship is universal.

But why would anyone, even a submissive, beg to be punished; to have a suffering inflicted upon them? On the surface, such an action seems ludicrous. They might accept their punishment and be grateful for the forgiveness, but why would anyone actually beg to be punished? Is it nothing more than ego-gratification on the part of the dominant?

I believe the value of begging is significant and should not be overlooked. The process reflects many values in the dominant/submissive relationship.

It clearly establishes the primary/secondary nature of the relationship:

- Begging would not be required in a peer-peer relationship. Further, when a dominant makes a mistake (and they do) they will never beg for the submissive’s forgiveness. As such, the act of begging affirms the basic D/s nature of the relationship.

It provides a method for the submissive to express their distress over failing to serve in a manner that will be acceptable to all parties:

- My own experience has taught me that deeply submissive individuals feel an intense amount of stress and pain when they have failed their dominant partner. Unless they have some way to express this stress, it will impact other areas of their life. Begging provides a natural outlet.

The act of begging is a physiological barrier for many submissives. Being able to beg represents a major achievement.

- This is an important point. As a submissive develops she will encounter a variety of physiological barriers that need to be overcome. One if these is begging. To beg for punishment can be humiliating. However, only her dominant can forgive her when she has failed. Therefore she needs to ask forgiveness. The way she asks is a measure of the intensity of her internal feelings. Begging is therefore a useful marker.

It is gratification for many dominants.

- It is true that many dominants, including myself, find personal satisfaction is seeing a submissive beg. When they beg, they belong to you completely. Dominants seek this level of control.

Of course, no submissive should beg if they do not feel motivated. Hence, it can easily be seen that when a natural submissive begs, it is a clear indicator of their need for punishment.

Sometimes, the begging is sufficient punishment. At other times, more will be required. Much depends on the dominant and their expectations of the submissive. For example, a well trained submissive may be expected to perform certain duties without flaw that a novice may not yet know. I expect more from the experienced submissive and therefore their punishment will be harsher should they fail.

In my training, I have found it appropriate to develop a number of begging styles and positions. These may be used by the submissive to indicate the severity of the infraction and the intensity of guilt they are feeling. They may vary from belly crawling with a whip held between the teeth, to formal kneeling with only a subtle adjustment to the neck position to indicate that something is amiss. Often, when dominant/submissive couples are out in public it is not always possible for the submissive to position as they might in private. At such times it is useful to have alternative begging forms available.

Dominants may try to force a girl to beg, or even require it. However, until such time as they do it on their own, driven by their need to be forgiven, the value of begging in punishment is dubious.

Summary

In summary, it must be recognized that the act of punishment provides an important conflict resolution mechanism between the dominant and the submissive. It should not be confused with sadomasochistic play. Rather, it is an intense and legitimate approach for a dominant and submissive to maintain the structure and integrity of their relationship. This formal approach may have begging as a component of the protocol. When properly used, punishment not only resolves conflict, but it also gratifies the power and service attractors of the parties.

Be seeing you