Some more terms

Greetings all,

Yesterday I offered my defintions for power, domianace and submission. Today I would like to add a few more.

B&D/S&M: Bondage and Discipline, Sado-Masochism: These are activities that couples engage in whose principle aim is either sexual arousal, or sexual satisfaction. As such, they qualify for what I call a "kink." A kink is any sort of activity that a person engages in that arouses them in a sexual manner. Kinks come in all shapes and sizes, from those who simply get excited by the sight of large breasts, to somewhat more unusual ones such as being aroused by clowns or furry stuffed animals. In general, I think all kinks are good (with some notable expectations). S&M is about kinks involving the giving or receiving of pain. B&D is about the sexual arousal some people feel either doing bondage or discipline scenes.

Kinks are good, but they are not the same thing as living a lifestyle. A D/s lifestyle is not really about sex, it is about how you live your life. There are many sites on the Internet that speak about BDSM from a kink perspective, but rather fewer who speak about living a D/s lifestyle.

Which, in part, is what this blog is all about.

D/s lifestyle: This is about a couple living together having accepted and embraced the natural domination and submission of the two partners. There are many aspects to living such a lifestyle, which I hope to talk about in upcoming posts, but for the moment I think that all that need be said is it requires a structured framework, consisting of Codes, Service, Conflict Resolution, and a few other things. What it does not require is a loving relationship between the individuals (although this frequently is the case). In fact, love often gets in the way (more on this at another time).

Codes: These are the set of rules, or expectations that the dominant normally will set for the submissive. In some cases the submissive will also have boundaries or limits that must be respected. Frequently such codes are created before the partners enter into the relationship. Often they are created over the course, or term, of the relationship. They may be written down, but often they are not. For myself, the three most critical codes for the dominant are honesty, trust, and responsibility, and for the submissive, honesty, trust, and obedience. From these things all other codes flow.

Service: Service can be any act performed by a submissive to satisfy a need of a dominant. The service can take on many forms, it may be a task, a discipline, or a ritual. The service can be sexual in nature, though frequently it is not.

Service is a critical mechanism in maintaining the stability of a D/s relationship. It allows the dominant to express his control, and allows the submissive to satisfy her needs. One of the primary responsibilities of the dominant is the maintenance of the various services he may require from his girl.

Note to dominants: If you assign a service, remember that it is your responsibility to follow up, make sure it was done to your satisfaction, and praise or punish as required. Failure to do so will leave the submissive feeling neglected. And a neglected submissive is not a very nice thing.

Another note to new dominants: from the outside, looking in, it may seem a no brainer to say that you want to be a dominant. One kicks back on the couch, and simply orders the submissive to do everything you want. Talk about a boyhood fantasy, eh? Sadly, it doesn't quite work out like that. Such dominants are called "DoMe Doms" and they generally don't get very far with submissive females. Also, remember you can't decide to be dominant. It is either something you are, or something you are not. All you can decide is how you want to develop your nature.

Discipline: An ongoing assigned task. A discipline is a form of ongoing training whose purpose it is to teach a task, or to assist the submissive in learning self-control. Discipline are often combined with rituals.

Ritual: A structured sequece of movements, words, or other actions which allow the submissive to convey a particular mind set (gratitude, arousal, need to speak, etc). The ritual is always designed by the dominant and assigned to the submissive.

Okay, enough for now. I think I will post this now and then write another about today's events.

Be seeing you,

Mackenzie