On the nature of punishment - Part 2

Greetings all,

I shall continue from where I left off.

Spare the rod, spoil the sub.

When submissives fail in their service they need some way to atone. Punishment allows the submissive to move past their failure to forgiveness. For a submissive, requesting punishment is not just following a protocol. They require it. Often, they are desperate for it. Care must be taken when refusing these requests. To do so will often place a submissive into a limbo-like state between punishment and forgiveness. This will be emotionally draining and often prevent them from properly executing their duties. Unless you know the submissive well, a better alternative is to execute the punishment.

Punishment also provides easily understood boundaries of acceptable behaviour. Submissives quickly learn what they will, and will not, be permitted. The relationship will therefore always contain an element of formality. Formality can be both erotic, and therapeutic.

In addition, the dominant may be angry with her. The punishment provides an opportunity for that anger to be expressed and dissipated. There is an implicit “safety-valve” factor in the process of punishment that should not be overlooked. Anger will not accumulate over time, building to dangerous levels.

Of course, the responsible dominant is aware that after the punishment is completed, they too must be willing to forgive and let go of the infraction. To continually remind the submissive of their failure after the fact is cruel. It also lessens the value of the punishment. If the submissive suspects that the punishment will not lead to forgiveness, then its effectiveness is greatly reduced.

Therefore the act of punishment provides important emotional outlets for both the dominant and the submissive. Though I find it interesting to note how, like with the attractors, they are asymmetrical.

When should the dominant punish the submissive? The short answer is, of course, when she fails in her service or breaks a rule.

There are two basic forms of failure. The first is a deliberate act. This is when the submissive makes a conscious decision not to satisfy a discipline or task. There are a variety of reasons for this abnormal behaviour, each requiring a different solution.

In the case of the masochistic submissive, they may wish a physical beating. Giving them what they desire therefore reinforces the unacceptable behaviour. Clearly a punishment for this behaviour is essential, but in order to satisfy the requirement of suffering, it is necessary to develop a penalty that is not desired. In my experience both isolation and withdrawal of service work effectively. One might also consider a hiatus from the pain infliction routines that are being sought. I will have more to say on the forms of punishment below.

Another reason for deliberate failure is testing the limits of acceptable behaviour. In other words, how much leeway does their dominant permit? Here the dominant has a choice. If the behaviour is acceptable, then no punishment is required. Otherwise the submissive should be punished. Once again, the punishment must be seen as a penalty.

A third reason for deliberate failure may be an unresolved conflict between the dominant and submissive. The failure of service is a signal of this issue. Here a punishment is unlikely to resolve the conflict. A dominant may recognize this issue when the submissive keeps repeatedly making the same mistake, or when their attitude changes. At this point, discussion is required between the parties involved. Or, either party may terminate the relationship.

The final type of deliberate failure is when a task is beyond the capability of the submissive. Frequently dominants may assign disciplines that simply cannot be performed, or require experience that the submissive has not yet acquired. Some dominants will punish for these failures. My own preference is to forgive such errors without punishment. Of course, this leads to a discussion on goal settings for the submissive, but I suspect that will require another paper.

The second form of failure is a non-deliberate act. Here the submissive has simply forgotten to perform an assigned discipline or task. Punishment is always required in such cases. The submissive will feel despondent and unhappy with their failure. They require a mechanism that will allow them to be forgiven, to release their negative feelings, and return to service. Simply being forgiven by the dominant is rarely sufficient. They must forgive themselves as well and to do this they require some form of atonement.

NB: The concluding section of this article will be posted this week.

Be seeing you.