Greetings all,
A girl I have been working with recently wrote to me, filled with misery, thinking she had failed me in the performance of a task I had set her. So great was her misery and her sense of failure (and not being pleasing) that her first reaction was to try and hide it from me, for fear that I would reject her when I found out about her error.
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
The only error that would result in immediate termination of the relationship is when a girl has failed to be honest with me, and by this I mean she has lied to me. And even in this instance I have been known, on one or two rare occasions, to bend this rule.
The responsible dominant is aware that his girl will fail from time to time, that she will make errors. No girl is perfect (even though she would like to be). Therefore, what is very important is how the failure is handled.
There are no clear cut rules for this, but in general the process should consist of the following steps or phases; Apology, Punishment, Forgiveness, Closure. Each step is very important.
Apology - the girl admits to her error, asks forgiveness, and requests punishment.
Punishment - the dominant assigns an appropriate punishment if he feels it is required. BTW - beating a masochist is not a punishment. Save the whip for girls who do not care for pain. For a punishment to work it must be appropriate with respect to its intnesity, duration, and how it helps to adjust the girl so that she will not keep making the same errors.
Forgiveness - One the punishment is complete, the submissive once again requests forgiveness. All other things being equal it should be granted
Closure - the matter is done. Both parties move forward.
Of course, in the case that I had to deal with today the problem was not one of a girl failing to perform a service, but rather because she had felt she had been dishonest. She had been dishonest, but not with me. Rather, she had been dishonest with herself. This often happens with newly emerging submissives, since there are often decades of cultural conditioning that must be stripped away so that the girl can feel comfortable with her nature. I do not punish a girl because she still can not see her reality clearly. Such development takes time.
Which is what, in part, training is all about.
Be seeing you,
Mackenzie
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Dealing with failure and a couple of more terms
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4 comments:
i am enjoying your blog Mr. Cross. Thank you.
Greetings Mr. Cross,
I've been thinking about this for a while and thought I would add a small observation. While it is true that there is not much point using a whipping to punish a pain slut, there is considerable difference on the receiving end of a whipping for fun and one for punishment.
Punishment hurts. There is nothing sexy or fun about it. But that is the point isn’t it.
You are right Felicia, there is nothing sexy or fun about punishment.
Still, it is a rather common "scene" for a girl to pretend to be bad so she can be punished. Which is sexy and fun.
I just think it is important not to confuse the two.
Then there is the whole situation when a girl intentionally breaks a rule just to see if her Dominant is paying attention. (Not that I would ever do such a thing…)
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