The value of bondage

Greetings all,

Rope work, and in particular shibari-style rope work, has been much on my mind this last week or so.

My interest in rope goes back almost as far as I can remember. In my early twenties, when I first began my exploration of BDSM, bondage was one of the first things I tried. The girl was named Ellen, and she was young, eager, and willing. When I first suggested I would like to try tying her up, she did not hesitate for a moment. She said she had been thinking of it as well for quite some time.

Segue: This is in keeping with what I have heard from other females. While it may not be until middle age that a female is ready, or able, to submit to the ropes, the desire seems to stretch far back, often to before puberty. Why this may be I do not know. However, I have learned to accept that many women long for the security and sexuality of tight bondage.

I remember my first visit to the local hardware store, trying to determine what would be the best sort of rope. What sort of diameter? What sort of braid or twist? What sort of material? I must have spent close to thirty minutes trying to make up my mind. In the end, I have no recollection of what sort of rope I purchased.

What I do remember, is how excited I was as I knotted the rope into a simple loop, placed it around her wrist, cinched it closed, and tied to to the leg of the bed. I was instantly erect and ready to have sex with her. The sexual energy was palatable. I managed to bind the other wrist (quite poorly), before I gave into my desire to spread her legs and have her. It did not take long before I released. Later I noticed that she had been able to actually get out of one of the ropes binding her wrist, yet she had grabbed hold of the loose rope and hung on, in a semblance of bondage.

This was my first indicator of the power of the ropes. But far from my last.

Over the years I continued to experiment as I could, though partners were not always easy to find. In the pre-Internet world access to those interested in BDSM was limited. I was never part of any "scene," I did not subscribe to any magazines (although I did occasionally purchase a bondage magazine, and of course devoured any photos of Betty Paige I could find). My technique continued to suck, though I suppose I improved a bit, and more often than not I rarely managed to actually complete a binding, my sexual arousal overpowering my ability to stay focused on what I was suppose to be doing.

Yet, despite my poor technique, my inability to follow through on a complete binding, and my lack of information, I still managed to find quite a number of women who craved bondage. These women spoke not only of their arousal, but also the liberation they felt when bound. Some described it as "floating," others as "stillness," and still others as a "special peaceful space." I was curious, so on one or two occasions I asked a girl to tie me up, just to see if I would feel anything. I didn't. Mostly I was bored.

This taught me about the asymmetrical nature of bondage. True, I know of riggers who also enjoy being bound. I am not one of them. Is this because I am too strongly dominant in nature? I could not say. What I can say, is that my preference, my desire, and my pleasure comes from binding another.

This does make sense. Not only am I dominant in nature, but I am sadist (though I like to think a responsible one) by sexual preference. These two things combine to make me wish to bind another, not be bound.

By the early nineties, as the internet started becoming more available, I discovered many others in the world of BDSM, and more importantly, I discovered advanced, sophisticated bondage techniques, most notably shibari. I've been hooked ever since.

Sometimes, a girl will ask me - "What do you get out of it?" From their perspective they seem themselves receiving all the benefit and doing nothing in return. After all, they are bound, then aroused with techniques of pleasure and pain, which often culminate in orgasms of mind-blowing proportions. OTOH - frequently (though not always) I may not come at all. So, their question is legitimate.

It is a difficult one to answer. In part, there is the sense of control. This comes from knowing that a powerful creature (the submissive) has chosen to place her life into my hands. She has given me full privilege and responsibility over her body. I find this a heady sensation. Then there is the beauty of the bondage. I am not an artistic fellow. True, I have written some erotica that has been well received, but I have always thought of myself more as a craftsman or technician than an artist. Yet, when I bind a girl, I am creating art. The strange thing is that it is not just the weaves of the rope, and the positioning of the body that makes the thing art, but also the revealed beauty of the woman. To my way of thinking a woman's true beauty can only be revealed in the ropes. I occasionally will take a photo or two when I bind a girl, so she can see it herself. Often, they are surprised at their appearance, struck by their own inner beauty on display.

And of course, I still become quite aroused, though I am happy to say I am much better at control my urges.

I certainly encourage new D/s couples to learn about ropes, experiment with them, and discover their power. Play safe, of course, but do play. If you want some advice on ropes, positions, or how to be safe, please write to me or post a comment. The Internet is now filled with many sources of excellent information.

Once you have tried it, you will never go back. Your rope may cost you a few dollars, but its value is priceless.

Be seeing you,