Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Masochistic Female

Greetings all,

The masochistic female interests me.

I know nothing of masochistic males, their motivations, challenges, or issues. I know nothing about them, because I have never been very interested in learning about them.

I also know very little about abused females. By abused females I refer to any who have been emotionally, intellectually, or physically reduced by another. In this sense, to be reduced means to be made less, to have ones sense of self-esteem, self-worth made smaller. To feel less good about oneself. The opposite of being enhanced. True, I have encountered more than a few women who have claimed to have been abused as children, or even later on in life. Some have spoken of rape, or other forms of sexual torment. Others have spoken of physical punishments far in excess of what I would consider normal or required. Still others have spoken of emotional abuses, the denial of love, the battering of tender emotions, etc. So, I have encountered such women, but I know little of them. Again, I am not too interested. When I work with a girl I am much more interested in who she is now, not in her history. I will examine her history if I feel it is relevant to her development which is not always.

I do know something about the masochistic female. By this I mean a woman who finds pleasure and satisfaction in forms of stimulation that the majority of our society would consider to be painful. This pain might be physical (i.e. beating, cutting, binding, etc), but might also be intellectual (humiliation, degradation, objectification, etc). I do not engage in emotional or spiritual sadism since I do not believe that these things enhance the female.

Trying to understand the motivations of the masochistic female can be a challenge to those on the outside of the BDSM community. How can offering one’s flesh to be bruised, whipped, pierced, etc, be pleasurable, let alone an enhancement? How can the drinking of urine be seen as being somehow uplifting? How is it possible that anyone would take pride in being called a slut, a cunt, or a whore? Where is the empowerment in bellying to a man’s shoes and begging permission to kiss them, or even more having to beg permission to go to the bathroom, or even orgasm? The whole thing appears opposite and counter-intuitive.

Here is what I know and believe.

To start one requires a woman of strong character, a strong sense of self, including self-esteem. True, I have worked with women who came to me not feeling too good about themselves, but this was not because of low self-esteem, but rather because they were conflicted between what their nature was telling them to do (i.e. the masochistic lifestyle) and what their society has been telling them to do (be the same as men). They were embarrassed to talk about this with their friends and confidents for fear of being ridiculed and branded a traitor (“Dorothy! How could you! You let a man smack your bottom? What do you think we feminists have been fighting for all these years? Bad girl, you have brought shame onto all of us!).

The women I select are not doormats. They are not passive. They are not seeking some sort of bizarre absolution for past “sins”. Such women are easy to spot. I call them “martyrs”. They see pain as their just punishment for past transgressions. The pain does not arouse them, rather it is simply a way for them to try re-balance themselves. I have no interest in such women.

Of course, quite a few women who don’t declare themselves as being masochistic probably have some trace leanings in that direction. Perhaps they like “love bites” or perhaps they like a bit of a smack on the rear end when they are being taken from behind. Perhaps they like some crude language during sex. Many women will freely admit to wanting their sex “rough” by which they mean they want their partner to have a more dominant role in the bedroom. And is there not a sort a cliché of advice that many women are given about being a lady most of the time but a whore in the bedroom? All of this speaks to a latent masochism in all these females. But these women also are of little interest to me. I prefer my masochists to be rather more extreme.

I have spoken at length to the women I have worked, both in person, over the phone, or even via the Internet. They speak of the enormous powerful energy they feel when I work them. It lifts them up, transports them into another dimension where they feel a certain perfection of self. As they are whipped they process the sensations as the most amazing of pleasures. In part this is because of the endorphins that are released into their bloodstream (much like a runner’s high). But also in part this is a spiritual experience because they feel true to themselves. They feel they are being true to their nature.

And it is not only the actual experience that is positive for them. All of them also report am amazing range of positive experiences right after an intense session. Some feel giddy and happy. Others feel powerful and energized. Others reach a place of wonderful peace and contentment. Still others report a reduction in stress which helps them deal more easily with their domestic life.

True, there is also a rather negative thing known as “sub drop”. This is a depressed feeling that comes when they are no longer high into the session. This is almost like a withdrawal, and in my experience is a direct result of a lack of ongoing interaction. My session time with my girls is limited, with the exception of my wife. I am pleased to report that she rarely ever feels sub-drop.

IOW – I believe that sub drop only happens in those cases where there is no ongoing relationship (interaction) between the sadist and the masochist.

Given this range of positive responses to sadistic treatment it is not difficult to understand why these women would seek out these experiences. Quite simply they feel good at both a physical and intellectual level. But why should this be the case?

I think the physical part is the easiest to understand. Different people experience physical stimulation differently. Pain and pleasure are simply two sides of the same coin. There is little difference between them from an objective viewpoint. It is how we each subjectively process the stimulation that allows us to determine if something is painful or pleasurable. Too, pain can often be morphed into pleasure. The “runner’s high” I mentioned is a good example. As the endorphins are released by the intense stimulation, the result is pleasure.

But what about those who feel empowered by being degraded? How can this be seen in any sense as being positive? Is there pleasure in being called “fuck meat” or “hole toy”? Can having one’s head stuck into a toilet be considered empowering? Can pitiful begging to drink a man’s cum be really considered as an enhancement? Is being required to eat from a dog bowl beside the table, or being kennelled at night in a cage, a sign of high self-esteem?

The simple answer to all of the above is yes. Very much so.

The paradox for the deeply masochistic female is that the lower they are brought, the higher they soar. Part of it is simple pride, “Look at what I can do! Look at what I can handle!” Another part is sheer exhilaration, as they experience the rich wealth of emotions and sensations that are part and parcel of this sort of experience. Still another facet is arousal – there is no question that such treatment makes these women incredibly wet and needful, which has the effect of making their orgasms rather powerful indeed.

In other words, they love it. No, it’s not for everyone. Only a few need apply, and of those that do, only a select few can handle it. They must be strong. They must be able to handle the treatment without it bruising their own ego and sense of self. They must have vast resources of internal power and energy to call up and offer the sadist so that he can use it to shape the session.

The powerful female masochist is a very special creature.

And that is why they interest me a great deal.

Be seeing you,


amber juel said...

Greetings, Mr. Cross

Whether they interest you or not, you do know quite a bit about submissive females as well. I (as, I belive, do you) differentiate them from masochists by their motivation and center of focus. Not all masochists are submissive, and vice versa.

At any rate, you seem to characterize women who enjoy smacks on the butt during sex or even rough sex as having a mild or latent masochistic bent. What is your view of women who enjoy or crave being bound? What of those who have a need to release control even to the point of submitting to punishments and humiliations they do not crave, they do not enjoy and would never have ever considered possible? What of those women, Mr. Cross? Do you consider them to be latent masochists as well?

A curious,

Mackenzie Cross said...

Greetings amber,

Thank you for your email. You make some interesting points. I am working on a reply which I will post on the blog in a day or so.

Be seeing you,

Anonymous said...

Greetings to all,

Thanks first of all, Mackenzie, for providing your insightful comments on this subject matter and others.

With regards to amber juel's comments and questions:

It seems to me that if you define a masochist as someone who either accepts behavior towards themselves or physical acts upon themselves that are not generally deemed as positive or pleasurable, then such a woman as amber juel describes would also be a masochist and not merely submissive.

I, along with others, look forward to reading your forthcoming reply to amber juel, Mackenzie.

With thanks to both of you for the discussion and food for thought,


Anonymous said...

I am one. Thank you for calling me special. I wish there were more female masochists in this world.

Mackenzie Cross said...

Greetings Anonymous,

There are many many female masochists in the world. But many of them are (understandably) reluctant to advertise this fact. Finding them requires that they feel safe telling you about their kink.


Bobbie said...

From dates of this I am way late for conversation... but was told to check out this blog...I don't know where u would rate me... I love being controlled .. hit bound forced,... but honestly don't think I'd go for some of other things like drinking piss or eating from dog bowl ... I only give control in bedroom and only to someone I love... but pain is an outlet for me.. I got told to read blog cause I paid to be beat no sex no pleasure.. just beat .. I need the physical pain to over ride the emotional pain.. what does that make me?

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