Wednesday, April 7, 2010

More on honesty

Greetings all,

An email from a reader brought an interesting question, as a follow-up to my previous post. With her permission I am sharing it, as well as my reply.

I mean, if for example, she was seriously ticked off with you about something you did, would you really want her to explain it to you? Would you consider it "lying by omission" if she didn't, if she said everything was fine? Or would you think it would be better to just drop the whole thing and try to move on?

With girls whom I have trained, or who know me well, I have a great deal of trust. One aspect of the way this manifests itself is by trusting them to know when they should bring something to my attention, and when they should not. However, this only applies to well-trained girls. When I am working with a new girl I pretty much require her to tell me everything related to my interaction with her. And in particular, if she were to tell me everything was "fine" when it clearly was not, I would consider it a lie requiring punishment. Perhaps not the first time, but certainly I would not tolerate this sort of behavior more than once, if that.

Of course, I do not scene a great deal, and I know that frequently there is no formal relationship. As such, I cannot make any demands on my scene partners to be honest, trusting, etc. They will do as they like. Frankly, if the scene is casual, and I will only be seeing my partner a single time, I really don't care all that much. I am not her Master, Owner or Therapist. OTOH - if I were scening with the same partner on a regular basis (a type of relationship which I call "playing with a toy"), then I would require some basic ground rules.

Finally, if a scene ended badly (whatever that means), I might be interested in learning what went wrong, again depending on the nature of the relationship. For example, in the early days with one of my girls some scenes did go quite badly, and I ended up hurting her both emotionally as well as physically. I spent quite a bit of time learning what I had done wrong, because of my motivation to keep my girl. OTOH - with those whom I was only going to scene a single time… well, if they don’t have a good time, it’s not really my problem. I generally make that pretty clear up front.

As a general rule I do not advise a new girl to "just drop it and forget about it". This does not promote good interaction. Later on perhaps it would be acceptable if she stayed silent, assuming the girl really understands the consequences of not speaking up, but in the beginning it is a recipe for problems


Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Cross,

I found your blog by surfing through other D/s blogs. I must say I find your blog most refreshing as you not only talk over the sexual aspects of the lifestyle, but also discuss the mental, emotional aspects. It is very interesting to find a Dom's pov on the lifestyle that centers on more than sex acts. I've been reading through the archives and have found things to consider where my own service to my Master may be applied to enhance it.

I just wanted to say thank you Sir for sharing your view points and thoughts.


Mackenzie Cross said...


I regret the delay in replying to your comment.

Thank you for your kind words. I am glad if you found them to be of some value.

It seems to me inevitable that if one is going to follow a D/s lifestyle it must extend to areas outside of the bedroom. Otherwise it becomes nothing more than a kink.

Be seeing you,

Mackenzie Cross

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