The Single Submissive - Addendum 2

Greetings all,

In my third part to the Single Submissive series there was a comment by reader about a rather common problem, namely a married female who discovers she is submissive, that her husband is not dominant, and further, that he is unwilling to let her search for her own path.

Does this happen frequently? I do not know. Certainly many married people commit adultery, for a wide variety of reasons. Often a woman's husband may think of her as frigid and un-responding, little knowing that in another's arms she burns with a need so fierce that she will beg for even the smallest touch. The man who arouses this passion in her may not even be aware that he is dominant. All he knows is that there are certain women he can easily seduce and control, and have them perform his every wish. To her husband she may appear to be cold, controlling, domineering, etc, while to her lover she is an eager slave.

It is probably true that most women who engage in extra-marital affairs are not deeply submissive, and if they are, probably are not even aware of the fact. OTOH - there is a percentage who through one means or the other (generally the Internet)discover the world of BDSM, and in particular determine that they are a submissive female.

My first suggestion, and my strongest one, is to be honest with ones spouse. Assuming that the relationship is built on love and trust, it seems obvious to me that the husband will want his wife to be happy, and in that context will offer his permission for her to explore the lifestyle. Above all, I always advocate honesty in relationships, having learned from hard experience the consequence of not doing so. Being honest will avoid a great deal of trouble down the line.

Yet I know some readers will tell me that this is simply not possible. On the one hand they feel a burning need to explore their submissive nature, while on the other hand they know their husband will not only reject their request, but may also become highly suspicious, thereby preventing any opportunity at all, which might have been possible if they had not said anything. I appreciate this perspective. Women may be reluctant to make D/s the breaking point of their marriage.

Segue: Though I sometimes wonder what would happen if they said to their mate: "John, I am going to do this thing. It is part of me which I must discover. I am telling you now so it is all out in the open. I hope you understand why I must do this. I am willing to accept the consequences if you do not agree." Such occurrences are probably rare, eh?

Assuming she does not do this, then there is only two options available. Either she chooses to do nothing about it (and suffers), or she will cheat on her husband (and probably suffer worse at some later point). I see no happy alternative.

Because, at the end of the day, a girl may not have two Masters.

I will write about this more in an upcoming blog.

Be seeing you,