Greetings all,
I have often heard submissives speak of the “freedom of the ropes" or the “freedom of the chains.” They speak of a loss of responsibility when held captive in bondage, and how this allows them to simply respond to whatever stimulus is applied, without having to be concerned with their response. Quite literally, they are held in the moment.
But is freedom of the ropes a true submission, or is it simply a desire to escape the roles and responsibilities of our daily life? For that matter, is the deeply submissive female really being true to her nature, or is she simply seeking a path that will allow her to run away from the stresses and tensions which are an integral part of our existence? The seduction of having all decisions made by another, and only have to do what one is told will obviously appeal to some segment of the population. How then can we tell if the person is actually submissive by nature, or looking for a way to avoid some of the more stressful aspects of daily life?
I believe that the difference can be found in the behaviour of the person on question, by examining their behaviour both within and without a D/s relationship. The true well-balanced submissive will be able to exist in either environment, though she will have an obvious preference to be within a D/s relationship. The female looking to escape will be unable to exist in either environment. She will find the stress of life in a non-D/s relationship something she wishes to escape from, yet at the same time she will find the boundaries and frameworks of the D/s relationship to be confining and threatening. Whatever is motivating her need to escape she will not find the answer with a D/s lifestyle, although she may find temporary relief in the occasional scene.
To be successful a female submissive must be well-balanced, self-assured, and filled with self-esteem. Of course this is not easy. Events will often conspire to make her doubt herself, and her sense of worth. For those who seek a partner and can not find one, this self-doubt can be a challenge. Yet, in her deepest heart she knows nature, and has not only accepted it, but also the consequences of accepting it. Ultimately, she must realize that with or without a partner, she will persevere.
The female who is simply seeking to escape does not, cannot, have this inner confidence. She still does not know who she is, and therefore can not find any place which suits her for more than a short period of time. Until she can confront her fear (whatever that is), it will be difficult for her to move forward. Dealing with these issues, in part, is what mentoring is about for the unawakened submissive female.
Be seeing you,
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Submission vs. Escape
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Mr. Cross:
You make an excellent point.
When finally (and it does take a while) one is comfortable in one's submission, day in and day out, (as opposed to just certain moments) that positive effect flows into all of one's life.
I've been sitting here trying to think of some way of describing that experience, perhaps what the "fear" might have been. The best I can come up with is a fear of 'ceding control'. So perhaps a dominant would do well to ensure that the submissive understands that as she gains faith in her submission she also gains the confidence to function better in all of her life.
I hope that this made some sense. It is such a difficult thing to explain, but your post struck a chord.
Rob
Greetings,
For me, being bound provides an opportunity to "let go" and just feel and be in the moment. While I certainly don't *need* it, I do find bondage to be a necessary component in maintaining balance in my life, though it doesn't happen often because of the level of trust I require before submitting to it. Bondage also serves to enhance my confidence because I feel naturally beautiful in the ropes in a way that is not possible otherwise.
Now I can certainly see where one might view submission in general as a means of escape. Too many think submission is a way to absolve oneself of responsibility by letting someone else make all the decisions. Personally, I don't think of submission in terms of "freedom of the ropes". Submission itself is freeing, but only in the aspect of being free to be oneself; of being free to express one's true nature in the face of societal conformity. If anything, submitting to another requires even more accountability and self-control than being responsible for oneself.
Regards,
amber
Greetings Mr. Cross,
An interesting topic and one I’ve been thinking of recently. The "Freedom of the Chains" is of course both literal and metaphorical. In a scene, we are held in the moment as you say. It’s profoundly relaxing to be able to let go and simply accept. In everyday life in a D/s relationship, we are held by a set of rules and rituals that give us a framework.
This framework does not allow us escape. If anything it keeps us accountable, but the same sense of relaxation is there, at least for me.
As a submissive, the one thing I am most uncomfortable with is making decisions for others. I can do it; I’m actually fairly good at it. But I don’t like it. There is always a small underlying anxiety that I happily would give to another. It’s freedom from this anxiety that I appreciate the most.
Thank you and blessings
Post a Comment