The Single Submissive - redux

Greetings all,

I would like to return to the question of the single submissive briefly. Someone wrote to me and asked about what would be appropriate behaviour for a single submissive who found herself provoked by a male, but was not sure if this was explicit or simply their nature. In other words, if a female submissive is interested in a male, how can she handle the interaction?

I thought this was an excellent question. Here is an excerpt of my answer.


My first answer would be to say that one simply waits for the dominant to take the lead. If he does not, then there is no point in trying to attract him, for he is simply not interested. If on the other hand he takes the lead, comes to you, focuses his energy on you, then it makes sense to respond. Your response should be anything that your inner nature tells you is appropriate (and here I am of course speaking to the submissive, not the slut!). If at any time you get a negative signal from him (and they are obvious), then you simply back down.

IOW - one accepts that not all attractions work. In fact, most do not. This is nothing personal. It is simply the energy and chemistry of human interaction. By accepting that it is not our person that is being rejected, but rather the potential relationship, then one can let go of the thing rather quickly.

OTOH - because we live in an era of political correctness, it is often the case that the dominant male will be reluctant to take the lead, having been conditioned to believe that this is the female's prerogative. In such a case, a potential relationship may be stillborn. However, I would suggest that in this scenario, the well mentored submissive can make an early advance, secure in her confidence, with the full internal understanding that her lead may be rejected (as explained above). Such a move could be anything, a comment, a gesture, a tilt of the head, the touching of hair, etc. If after that, he still does not take the lead, well then, something is wrong with him, eh?

Do not assume that your forwardness would be inappropriate. It might be, but too in might not. Until you try, there is not way of solving the dilemma. And it is the dilemma that will eat you up, so resolve it.


One should be wary of going to play parties and munches. Just because someone is introduced as a dominant does not mean that they can provoked the submissive response. In fact, I have been told by many females that this rarely happens. OTOH - a female submissive will sometimes find herself reacting to a male in a context far ourside a D/s relationship. It could happen at work, at a social event, or even a random encounter. The undeveloped female senses this, but does not know what it means, and may therefore act in an inappropriate manner. The better developed submissive will recognize what is going on, but may be unsure as to the best course of action. The well developed submissive has the self-confidence, and knowledge, to properly reflect this energy, thereby signalling her availablity, or at least interest.

These interactions take place all the time. The dynamics are often unnoticed but that does not make them less real.

Be seeing you,