New Link Added

I have added an link in the D/s Links section:

laurie's-ramblings of a madwoman

FWIW - she does not appear mad to me.

Be seeing you,

The introduction of deena

Greetings all,

The following is from my newest mentored girl, deena.

Be seeing you,

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Hello Mentor,
Hello to all of Mentor ’s blog readers,
And hello to Mentor’s girls,

This girl would like to formally introduce herself. Her name is deena, and she has recently been accepted by Mr. Cross to be mentored. She is very new and inexperienced and is looking forward to the privilege of learning from all of you.

This nervous girl also hopes that she will be able to offer something worthy and pleasing, if only an appreciative smile, to those so much more knowledgeable and accomplished than herself.

This grateful one kisses Mentor ’s shoes for this marvellous chance to grow and serve,

deena
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S&M as a genetic trait?

Greetings all,

I have stated many times that I believe that qualities of dominance or submissiveness are natural traits, which is to say they are based in our genetics. This is the only explanation which would seem to explain why so many females seem to be submissive in nature, while so many men seem to be dominant. Of course, social conditioning also plays an important role. These natural tendencies can be both surprised or encouraged depending on environment. But nature is nature.

Segue: Of course there are dominant females and submissive males. In a large enough population such things are bound to occur. But, imo, they are the exception, not the rule.

But what about sadism and masochism? Are they also genetic, or are they learned? Recently on a post on FetLife I suggested that unlike D/s these were not so much genetic traits as learned conditions. In response, a rather intelligent girl called me to task on the matter and suggested I reconsider.

So I have been reconsidering.

I think that the classical view is that most masochists developed this trait perhaps because of a traumatic sexual experience at a young age. Perhaps they were abused as children. Perhaps they were somehow forced to perform oral sex as a young teenager. Whatever. Of course on the surface this makes no real sense, since one would expect that the reaction to such an experience would be just the opposite, i.e. anyone who was abused as child would probably reject the notion of being masochistic. However, the reality is that I have met many incredibly deep and profound pain sluts who were never abused at all in their youth. Who were never forced. They just found that they loved pain, perhaps because of the endorphins released, or perhaps because of the notion of offering themselves.

Then of course, we have to wonder about sadists. Can we say that someone became a sadist because they were abused as a child? No that doesn’t make a great deal of sense. Can we say that they became a sadist because they were not abused as a child? That makes even less sense. How does the binding between inflicting pain on another and arousal occur? Again, having spoken to many sadists many of them admit to having developed feelings very early on. I was about 13 the first time I remember fantasizing about spanking a woman. And by the time I was 15 and reading “My life and my loves” by Frank Harris for the first time (and certainly not the last!) I was already well into acknowledging that I was having these sort of feelings. Of course, it would be about 10 years before I had an opportunity to do anything about them other than jerk off! FWIW – I was not abused as a child. My parents loved me in a perfectly wonderful and normal way.

Is it possible that there is an S&M gene somewhere in our DNA? That would be a pretty wild notion. I mean, I can understand nature selecting for someone being more or less dominant, or more or less submissive, but sadistic and masochistic? If that was the case, wouldn’t there be more sadists and masochists in the population at large?

Perhaps there are.

Many women (and not a few men) seem to enjoy a wee bit of spanking on the bum during sex. Of course they don’t consider themselves masochists, they just like their sex a bit rough. Too, many men (and more than a few women) seem to enjoy spanking their partner. Is there really any difference between this and flogging, except for degree? “Love bites” are a fairly normal part of the sexual experience - is there any real difference between this and the use of clamps or pins except in the amount of pain inflicted? Some like their sex gentle as a summer rain, other prefer it with the power of a downpour, while still others want to be caught up in a hurricane of lust. Some act, different degrees.

Hmmm…

This would tend to suggest that perhaps all of us have some amount of S or M inherent in our makeup. And if that is the case it might also explain the behaviour (or rather mal-adaptive behaviour) of so many people. For if many people in the population at large have S or M natures, and never get to express them, then certainly they will find another socially acceptable way to do it. The classical example (which I have never been fully happy with) is the sadist who becomes a surgeon. I would suggest that perhaps there are examples of sadists and masochists all around us, we just haven’t been seeing them as such.

Too, perhaps this would explain why time and time again, I have seen strong and powerful women suddenly become not only submissive, but also masochistic almost overnight as I provoke their response. Once they come to realize that it is perfectly acceptable and safe to reveal their inner nature, it is quite amazing to observe the transformation. I am sure their friends would be shocked to know that she who was just yesterday an ardent feminist, a dominant force in her place of business, and a virtual dynamo of controlling energy, now wants nothing more than to belly to a man’s feet, a whip held in their teeth, and whimper their dark cravings for pain and release.

So maybe I have been wrong all these years? Maybe, like D/s, S&M is also somehow embedded in our genes, just waiting an opportunity to come out? Maybe, like D/s, each of us have this quality but to a different extent? Maybe S&M is nothing more than nature’s way to allow us to vent stress and pressure. Lots of maybes.

But it would be interesting to do some detailed research, eh?

What do you think?

Be seeing you,

10 Minute Fiction: The Rape

Greetings all,

Friday morning I woke up with the last four lines of a story in my head. I knew I had to get up and write them down or lose them. So, at 7:30AM I got out of bed, turned on the laptop, and then wrote them down. Then I wrote the rest of the story (more of a flasher really). It total it took 10 minutes.

Some pieces are easier than others.

Be seeing you,

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The Rape
Copyright 2008 Mackenzie Cross
All rights reserved

The rape unfolds in a series of acts, like a well-known drama, whose ending is predictable yet still holds the attention with each repetition.

In the first act she is abducted. Her reality is removed and replaced by one of his own devising. In this new place there is nothing which comforts, nothing which is familiar. There is no safety.

In the second act she is made captive. Ropes are used to bind her. Cuffs hold her hostage. She is bent and shaped into a position which pleases him, but terrifies her. She is open, exposed, and vulnerable. She has no power to resist. He will do as he wishes.

In the third act, he begins his pleasures. He torments and teases her. He places the blindfold, stealing her vision. She can not predict where the whip may fall, where the wax may drip, where the blade will cut. The tension of her body, is like the tight string of an instrument. He plays her and she screams and her screams are music to his ears.

In the fourth act he uses her body, penetrating her holes, and eating her privacies. Sometimes ramming himself in, sometimes taking his time, he makes his pleasure (and her pain) last. Now her screams undulate, unstoppable, unquenchable, until he achieves his own release. This is always the climax.

In the fifth and final act she is set free, placed back into her former reality, a reality forever changed.

The dialog of this play is minimal. Simple harsh commands. Yet embedded within is a common thread which weaves its way through the acts. A single word, which she repeats again and again. Sometimes it is whimpered, sometimes it is screamed. The word is "Please".

The rest of the world hears this and thinks it a plea for mercy, a desire for freedom, an escape from the torment.

He hears it, and knows it for what it truly is, a request for permission, a dark craving for more.

The rest of the world calls him a rapist, a sadist, and worse.

She simply calls him, "Sir".
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Concerning the Gorean slave girl

Greetings all,

Though I have never said so directly, I identify very strongly with the philosophies and ideals but forth by John Norman in his series of books about a mythical planet called Gor. While the fiction of Gor makes for an interesting backdrop to the various tales (there are about 25 books in all) it is really the philosophies and the ethics that result from these ideas that I find attractive. These cover many aspects of how man should relate both to the world around him, with other men, and with women.

It is the last point that has probably garnered the most attention down through the years, and it is that point which I wish to address in today’s blog entry.

Before I begin I should mention that Norman espouses the idea that men are naturally dominant and females are naturally submissive. IOW – it is their respective natures to compliment each other. One way that this is expressed on the fictional planet of Gor is through the institution of female slavery. Woman can, and often are, placed in chains and collars, branded, bought and sold, etc. Norman uses this institution as a mechanism to illustrate how the female reverts to her naturally submissive role, when she has no choice. IOW – instead of fighting her servitude, she embraces it as her natural way of bring.

On Gor, the slave girl, also called kajira, is considered the pinnacle of femininity, both in sensuality and attitude. Much of the bulk of many of the stories is occupied with the discussion of these things.

Just so I am clear – I am not advocating the slavery of females. Not only would that be wrong, but it would be stupid thing to do. All I am saying is that the use of slavery within the books of Gor was a useful way for Norman to explore certain notions of a natural relationship between man and woman. Of course, this hasn’t stopped many many people on this planet from calling themselves Gorean Masters and slaves. More realistically, it has allowed for dialog concerning the nature of some girls’ hearts. A girl may be said to a slave heart, if she could see herself as a Gorean kajira, if such a thing really existed.

All of this is a preamble to the real topic of today’s blog entry. In my communication with a girl I am currently developing I made the following statement:

>The Gorean slave girl, that magnificent creature, needs to be held to an even higher standard, for much the same reason. She needs the structure, the framework, and the boundaries. She is, at heart, a consummate perfectionist. This is both her virtue, and often her failing.<

I had thought I was clear, but my girl said she really didn’t understand what I was saying and asked me to elaborate further.

So here I go.

There are slaves, and then there are slaves. In today’s BDSM community it seems that almost every girl out there is calling herself a slave, with a variety of sub-types such as collared, un-collared, owned, un-owned, in waiting, waiting for the One, etc.

The other day I read a post in a thread called “slaves with lists.” It was about how slaves come to a potential Master with a list of their limits, requirements, etc. This particular slave’s list included how she expected her Master to dress, groom, etc.

Ha!

Now don’t get me wrong, if you want to call yourself a slave, be my guest. It’s no skin off my back. Hell, if you even want to call yourself a real Gorean kajira, knock yourself out. It don’t matter none to me. But if you show up at my door, carrying that label, then be expected to be treated exactly as I think such a female should be handled.

IMO – the Gorean slave girl is rare and very special creature. For her, there are no safe words, there are no limits, there are no restrictions. For her, there is only her Master’s will, a desperate desire to please, and the total yielding of submission of self to another. The kajira knows it is her nature to submit, and admits that all men are, in a general sense her Masters, even though she belongs to a single man. The kajira knows that left to her own devices she would be lost, out of control, and out of balance. She needs slavery to provide her with the rigid context she requires to find her place. She can only attain the true perfection of self, in the chains of another.

Sounds pretty pitiful, doesn’t it? Nothing could be further from the truth.

Here is the amazing thing, the kajira is actually empowered by her slavery. She is enhanced, made whole. How can this be? Simple, in slavery she is completed, without it she is only half of what she can be. Her potential is unrealized. But collared, branded, and chained she has the freedom to be who she really is, sensual, beautiful, sexual, and submissive. She needs her bondage to be uncompromising so she can attain her perfection.

Consider a lock without a key. Consider a radio with no transmitter. They can exist without their match, but not well. So too the kajira, only in slavery is she realized. And not play slavery either. Not something that is taken out in the bedroom at night. Not something that is done when the kids have left for school. Not something that is done at the weekend play party. No, she lives her slavery every moment of the day, fully obedient to the will of her Master.

On Gor, that fictional planet, attaining such a condition is easy. There are many ways women can be made slave. In fact, all a woman need do is kneel at a man’s feet and beg the collar.

Here, in the real world, things are not so simple.

Now obviously such a thing is not for everyone. And also obviously, an earth-type “slave” girl cannot walk around shopping mall clad in slave garb and a thick iron collar. So, with all due respect to all those girls out there who call themselves “slaves” or “kajira,” the truth is that it is simply not possible.

OTOH – what they feel in their heart, what they aspire to, can certainly be the full and total submission that Norman speaks of in his books. This is the slave heart. This is the deep desire. Not all women feel it. I suspect only a very few do. But those who do feel it, know the truth of my words.

All others need not apply. Call yourself what you want, but be careful if you do so at my front door.

Be seeing you,

The Bare Essentials

In response to a question asking for the Bare Essentials of the Master/slave relationship

For the Master: Honesty, Trust, Responsibility

For the slave: Honesty, Trust, Obedience

Encased in a framework of discipline and ritual.
Energized by the exchange of power.

Be seeing you,

Geetings started

Greetings all,

Here is another post from FetLife concerning getting started in the scene/lifestyle when you are not even sure of your nature.

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You are not the first who has been unclear as to their interests and roles.

1) Read, read, and then read some more.

2) Question yourself as to why you are attracted to all of this in the first place. You can't be guided until you have some idea of where you would like to go.

3) And then read some more.

4) Don't rush! Take your time. It is very easy to screw things up. It is much more difficult to correct an error after it has been made.

5) You still haven't read enough. Seek some advice about what else you should read.

6) When you have a better idea of why you are here seek out someone who can help you. Perhaps at a local club, perhaps online, perhaps here in the forums of Fetlife. Be prepared for rejections. Be prepared that all your reading will not have properly prepared you for the reality of what will happen.

7) After all that, you may be ready to seek a partner.

8) And above all, be safe, sane, and consensual.
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Be seeing you,

Back after awhile - D/s and love

Greetings all,

Well, its been awhile. Its funny how time can pass so quickly. I've been on the road a fair bit, kayaking a bit more, plus more than a few projects that have demanded my attention. But its time to get back to a bit of blogging. I have a few comments to reply to, some posts I want to make, and maybe a photo or two I would like to upload. More than enough to keep me busy for the next couple days.

Speaking of projects, I have accepted a new girl to mentor. Her name is deena. Like all my girls I consider her to be special. Perhaps she will show up at some point to introduce herself. IAE - a new girl is always a demand on my time, so I am not to sure how consistent my posting is going to be, but I will try.

And now, time to get busy. It is good to be back. I have missed the opportunity to speak what is on my mind.

BTW - I have started becoming active on FetLife. I discovered they have a Mentors forum. While I don't agree with all the people there, as I am sure they do not agree with me, it is good to find a place where I can interact with others who are trying to do the same thing I do. Although the definition of being a mentor seems to vary greatly, they all seem to share a core value, to help others find their own nature and balance. A good thing, imo. I have been enjoying posting there, and a couple of other forums as well. I recommend FetLife to all those involved in, or interested in, the scene and lifestyle.

Here is a recent post I made in response to a question asked by a Domme concerning D/s and love.

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I must take an opposing view. After 30 odd years of various D/s relationships I have come to realize that the most challenging are those that involve love, and romantic love in particular. As a dominant, who must regulate, structure, and from time to time punish a submissive, I find that love often gets in the way. One must be very strong to punish the one we love.

OTOH - when the basis of the relationship (and here I speak of ongoing lifestyle, not scenes) is strictly D/s, it is much easier to maintain structure. As to the sex, simply put, it is great. The lack of romance is actually, imo, an advantage. It keeps the relationship pure, balanced and focused.

Now I would not like to give the impression that I am opposed to love and D/s together. I have been married to the finest submissive I know for the last 15+ years and she is a joy and my perfection. Our marriage is, imo, a model of what is possible when romance and D/s are perfectly balanced. But it is not easy, it requires constant attention to detail, and their are times when I find it a challenge (as does she).

If you are dominant, as you claim to be, then I can not understand why you are finding some of these experiences to be negative. You are in the one in charge. You are the one responsible for the quality of the relationship. You must accept accountability for the results.

Is D/s intimate? Of course it is. About as intimate as it gets. But that does not mean it is romantic. Divorce the two in your mind, and then ask yourself if you still get a rush of satisfaction and pleasure from the simple control of another. If the answer is yes, then do it. If the answer is no, then I would suggest you re-evaluate your basic premises.

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Be seeing you,