Being pushed past the limit

Greetings all,

Recently I was asked by a submissive how she could test her sexual and masochistic limits. On one hand, she has had many dark thoughts filled with screams and pain. These thoughts excite her very much. OTOH - she is very fearful of going to these places because they scare her.

She wants to test her limits, to be pushed to the very edge, and wondered how this could be done. She wondered if she could do it herself via masturbation, fantasies, or the watching of extreme BDSM movies. Perhaps she could test her limits by reading of the limits of others and see what excites her. However, this confuses her since on one hand she finds it very exciting to read about, but otoh the back of her mind is saying there is no way she would ever do such things.

Hmmm....

To begin, I don't think this is something one can do on their own. Like trying to hold your breath until you die, it simply won't work. Fantasies, masturbation, and the limits of others are all very interesting, and may even inspire us as times, but they hardly test us. Rather, they may point us in directions which should be examined, but they can't tell us how we would react in the real situation. Too, if one is doing these things to themselves, it is hard to really feel pushed. For that, another is required.

I see two possible solutions for finding the "other". First, if one has a dominant partner, they could be the one to do the pushing. Obviously the submissive would have to open up and reveal their desires, so that their partner could craft a proper session to test their limit. This would be the easiest solution. But it might not be the best, or the safest. A second idea is to find someone who is an expert and have them do the pushing. Certain edge play activities, (pins, suspensions, single tails, blades, etc) are best done by someone with experience. This expert would not only help push the submissive to her limit, but could also help train the dominant partner. As such, both would benefit.

There is, imo, only one way to find out one's limits and that is to test oneself. Only by doing this can real experience, and therefore knowledge, be obtained. My suggestion is to select a particular area for investigation (wet play, hard sex, stimulation, etc) and decide how to best explore it. If one has a partner try and use them if possible. Otherwise find someone who knows what they are doing.

Be safe, and have fun.

Be seeing you,