Am I dominant?

The female submissive’s path to accepting her nature may be a challenge, but at least it is manageable. What I mean is that even if she is completely unaware of her nature, there are many signals which make it easy to decipher both her nature, and its intensity. And so while her development may not be easy, at least it is possible. The female submissive displays her nature in a wide variety of rather obvious ways. In particular, the intense mental state known as “sub-fever.” A state of heightened arousal which can not be quenched solely through sexual interactions. The interesting thing about sub-fever is that it is undeniable. Even for the un-awakened submissive, once she is provoked, she knows it, even if she does not understand it.

Many females have written to me about their first experience with sub-fever, how they did not understand it, and were even fearful of it at times. But they could not ignore it. Sub-fever is not just being horny. If it did, a quick bit of the old in-out would be enough to satisfy the craving, but the fact is that sex is not enough.

So, there are more than a few indicators that allow a submissive to be identified, both to herself and to others. But what of the dominant? How does a man know if his nature is dominant? How can he discover it? How does anyone recognize it? Perhaps most importantly, how does a dominant develop his nature? Unlike submissives, who seem to generally respond well to training, most dominants have little desire to be trained, and certainly not by another dominant. It is a status thing, eh?

This problem seems to break down into two distinct topic areas: 1) Identifying someone’s dominant traits and 2) developing those traits. Of the two, I think the first is rather more of a challenge.

Before I continue I should state my personal opinion which is that the majority of males are dominant in nature, although some are more strongly (intensely) dominant than others. This is natural since the male is genetically coded to be dominant (at least imo), but some males (such as the alpha male) will obviously be more assertive in expressing his dominance.

Why then does it seem so difficult for so many submissive females to find a dominant partner? Simply put, most men find it difficult to express their natural dominance. They have been socially conditioned to believe that it is wrong and immoral to do so. There have been decades, generations, of active campaigning by the legions of Political Correctness to promote the view that men and women are interchangeable with respect to their sexuality, and interaction models. And so the males have suppressed their natural tendencies and instead sublimated it into other areas such as sports, hobbies, and mal-adaptive behaviours.

What signs are there that a fellow might be dominant? A desire to control his environment? Strongly held opinions? An ability (or desire) to assert himself to get his way? A degree of comfort in holding the reins of control? A desire to lead rather than follow? All of these are legitimate but I think that what makes the dominant stand out is how control yields a rich sense of satisfaction. It is obvious that some may be motivated to control because of fear. Fear that if they lose control the consequences will be negative. Therefore they try to control everything (also known as micro-management).

But the dominant does not fear loss of control, this is not why he seeks control. Rather, he finds within control an outlet for his nature. Simply put, it feels good. He does not need to control every little detail of a situation, it is enough to know that he can should he choose to do so.

Here I think is the basis of understanding the fundamental difference between those who abuse and those who dominate. The abuser uses control as a weapon against those he abuses. The dominant uses control as a tool to enhance and develop the environment around him. The abuser fears loss of control, the dominant does not fear it at all.

Segue: Curiously, it has been my discovery that many deeply submissive females are often labelled as “control freaks” before they are awakened to their nature. Upon reflection this is easy to understand and explain. The un-awakened submissive female uses control as a way of creating a barrier between herself and her nature. By controlling those around her, she never has to deal with her own loss of control, which is the inevitable consequence of admitting to her nature. Many (if not most) women are terrified of the loss of control which comes when they give themselves over to a dominant. They speak of an abyss, a precipice, a vast crevice of blackness. I understand. They have had to control everyone around them as a way of making sure no one controls them. What they long for in the secret heart, they have been made to fear by their social conditioning. How strange and sad.

But back to the dominant – how can a man know his nature? Perhaps the easiest way is to have an experienced submissive serve him and see how he behaves. I have seen this often enough. Some men will have no idea about what to do when a beautiful woman kneels at their feet and offers her service to them. Their reaction is often to raise the girl up and try and talk to her about “why it is demeaning and wrong for her to kneel in front of a man.” Such men are probably not dominant in nature. Others, perhaps the majority, will take sexual advantage of the situation. And why not? Sexual use is the easiest way to express dominance or submission, and few men will resist the temptation of a freely offered sexual service. Such men are, I believe, trainable. But there is one more category, those being the men who will see a kneeling girl and feel a sense of rightness about the situation and from that seek to understand it. While they may use the girl in a sexual manner, they will seek a deeper appreciation of the situation. Such men obvious candidates to be taught more of the ways of dominance and submission.

What if no experienced submissive is available? Then, sadly, it will prove much more of a challenge for the undeveloped dominant to learn of his nature. Of course, there are always books (both fictional and non-fictional), and they will help, to a point. But what is really required is a way for the male to express his domination, and that simply can not be done through a book.

Expect, perhaps, the books of Gor. But that will be for another day.

Be seeing you,